|
300 Dalmatians part 6
By CeratosPit
*The small army continues on its way*
Clopinos: *narrating* We march. Through the Hot Pants we March. Past Hell’s Crotch where the two rivers meet and head out to sea. Into--
Aladdinos: Hey, stop narrating for a second, I think we’re being followed.
*Aladdinos points out a hunchback 15 feet away carrying a wilted little bush to hide behind*
Herculidas: Yes, he’s followed us since Zadar. How did you not notice until just now?
Aladdinos: Really? I must’ve been…preoccupied. *stares at Mulanos climbing a small ledge and proptly smacks himself* Keep it together, Al. Hos before bros. Hos before bros.
Mulanos: Look! Goths!
*Mulanos points out a camp of Goths at the far western end of the great gorge where the river meets the sea much to everyone’s excitement*
Herculidas: Good eye, Mulanos!
Tarzanos: Indeed. It’s good to know that SOMEBODY here has decent powers of observation.
*Aladdinos is hurt by the remark. Clopinos feels a drop of rain and looks up to see gray clouds*
Clopinos: We had better make camp on higher ground. I have a feeling it’s going to start coming down hard pretty soon.
Herculidas: Lucky for them. I hear Goths like rainy nights.
*Later, a monstrous thunderstorm pours down into to the gorge throwing the Goth camp into disarray as it expands the river and drowns several. The Dalmatians, meanwhile, find refuge higher up on a ledge. Faganos and his animals take shelter in a cave while Herculidas’ men shout and cheer wildly*
Clopinos: *narrating* Jupiter stabs the sky with thunderbolts and treats the Goths like a child dumping a bucket of water on an anthill. Glorious. Only one of us keeps his Dalmatian reserve. Only one.
*Herculidas stares in deep thought at the chaos before him as everyone else throws up their sPears and yells like drunken frat boys*
Hawkinos: Hey, isn’t that a really bad idea!?
Phillipus: Isn’t what a really bad idea!?
Hawkinos: Waving an iron-tipped sPear around during a lightening storm!?
Phillipus: Why would that be a--!? *gets struck by lightening and falls off the ledge screaming*
Tarzanos: Huh. Let’s go inside.
*Everybody complies. Meanwhile, back at the Palace in Zadar, an aging councilman named Grimsbus steps out of ex-queen Belle's bedchamber, tying his touseled hair back in a ponytail. Down the hall, Pocahontasas stands stands as if waiting for him*
Pocahontasas: Councilman Grimsbus. I was hoping for a word.
Grimsbus: My queen! That would be most irregular at this late hour.
Pocahontasas: ...You just stepped out of my mother in law's bedroom at two in the morning. If that's not irregular, you need more fiber in your diet.
Grimsbus: My dear queen, if you only saw what that woman was doing her late husband's pelt, you would have left no later than I did.
*Mowglis pops in*
Mowglis: Mom! It's a miracle! My eyeballs grew back! *barges into his grandmother's room* Grandma! It's a miracle! My--*pop! pop!* ...Son Of A Bitch!
Grimsbus: Now then, what did you want to talk to me about?
Pocahontasas: I'm worried about my husband. This whole midlife crisis thing is going to get him killed.
Grimsbus: Isn't he, like, 20?
Pocahontasas: This is ancient Rome. We're not exactly known for our ample life expectancy. I need you to help me convince the council to overturn the Magnificent Seven's decision and sent more troops to aide him in his suicidal endeavor.
Grimsbus: Listen, the King went off to war without the consent of religious midgets and...and frankly, I don't even know how the hell our screwed up government works anymore.
Pocahontasas: Well, it's a three branch system of checks and balances...
Grimsbus: ZzZzZzZz...
Pocahontasas: Oh, forget it, I'll just seduce Gastonus.
*The following morning, Aladdinos, Mulanos, and Faganos stealthily climb a ledge overlooking the Goth camp partying. It has doubled in population*
Faganos: That's impossible! They should have drowned like rats in that storm!
Mulanos: Goths tend to have asPhyxiation fetishes. It makes them difficult to drown. And the utter disarray this place is in has only attracted MORE Goths to the scene.
*Aladdinos laughs*
Faganos: Why do you laugh in the face of such impossible odds?
Aladdinos: Faganos, I've done some crazy shit in my life. Bungee jumping off a waterfall, shaving my balls while horseback riding, ripping tags off mattresses, the works. And I've done all that hoping for a death so crazy, the gods would hang a picture of it in the stars. And maybe, down there among those sado-masochists, I'll find someone who can offer what I'm looking for. A truly badass death.
Faganos: You're nutty.
2 B Contininued...
9/18/2008 11:14:39 PM
Comment on this fan fiction!
|
|
|
