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300 Dalmatians part 3
By CeratosPit
*That night, Herculidas stands at the base of a nearby mountain and procedes to climb it's treacherously steep face. He eventually reaches the top to find a short hooded figure waiting for him at the gate of an elevated temple*
Grumpus: Welcome, Herculidas. What took you so long?
Herculidas: I took the wife shopping. She tried on two dresses 5 times each to decide which one she'd buy and then got both!
Grumpus: Really?
Herculidas: No, not really! I had to climb of friggin' mountain to get here! Jesus!
Clopinus: *narrating* The Magnanimous Seven. Priests to the old gods. Inbred dwarf swine to whom even Herculidas must suck up, for no Dalmatian King has ever gone to war without the M7's blessings.
*Once inside, Herculidas uses a scale model of Dalmatia's mountain range at the center of their alter to explain his plan*
Herculidas: The very army that conquered Rome has expanded to unprecedented forces and now heads our way through the Dinaric Alps. Now, as you know, there are two passes which lead to Zadar and both meet at the fork in the mountains called Thermopantolones.
Happus: The Hot Pants.
Herculidas: Aye. If we could wall up the the entrance to the northern path, that would only leave the southern path available. We could funnel them in where there vast numbers won''t account for much at all!
Docus: That is all well and good. Now get out of our cat's litter box.
*Lucifer walks and scratches up the "mountains" as Herculidas withdraws in disgust*
Herculidas: So what do you say, Magnanomous Seven? Can you just give me your okay and get this over with?
Grumpus: You presume much, Herculidas! You know we are but the mouth pieces of our oracles. And it's past our current one's bed time so unless you give us a little..."insentive"...you'll just have to wait till morning.
Sleepus: You can *yawn* bunk with Sneezus.
*Sneezus wipes his mucous-drenched face with his sleeve*
Herculidas: Yeesh! Okay, fine. *tosses Grumpus a bag of gold coins* Sould that cover it?
Grumpus: What the hell is this shit? We're a bunch of deformed midgets living on a mountaintop, what do we need money for? Food, weed and bitches. That's all we need. The more the merrier.
Happus: Oh, let's just wake the oracle and be done with it.
Clopinus: *narrating* Diseased old mystics. Worthless remnants of an ancient time before Dalmatia's ascent into cosmopolitan, ivy league elitism. Old fools and their "religion"! Bah! And worst of all, beneath the thin veneer of holy traditions, they are but dirty, old, little men craving the soft flesh of beautiful girls.
*They all enter the oracle's bedchamber and burn her incense. A dark skinned girl covered in blue tattoos and a platinum coif arose from her somehow floating bedsheets*
Clopinus: *narrating* The repulsive little perverts chose the most beautiful Dalmatian girls to live with them and be their oracles. These girls would be forced to service whatever nasty whim the black hearted heathens conjured up. And just so we're clear, I don't think very highly of them.
*Dopus and Bashfulos approach her as she lies back down. The former nibbles at her feet while the latter puts his ears to her whisPering lips*
Bashfulos: *repeating her whisPers* I say...we let Kuxco build the Goth Topic...I could really use...a Tinkerbell halter top. The oracle has sPoken!
Herculidas: Oh, Bullshit! *he turns around and kicks Lucifer off the mountain* Sorry. But seriously! Don't you people get it!? We have to stand up to that clown or he'll destroy everything we stand for!
Docus: Herculidas, you forget your place! Take you blasPhemies and leave this sacred place at once!
Herculidas: Pfft! Whatever, man! This party sucks!
*Herculidas slides down a firepole to the base of the mountain. As soon as he leaves, the elevator opens to reveal Gastonus, Kuxco's emissary Ratcliffus and slutty vampire girls on leashes*
Gastonus: Did anybody order slutty vampire chicks?
Sneezus: Mine! Mine! Mine!
Gastonus: How's the plan coming along?
Docus: Without a hitch, Gastonus. The oracle "denied" Herculidas' right to make war on the Goths.
Ratcliffus: Very good. You will all be rewarded with high paying mall security jobs and all the Goth girls you can shake your decrepit, diseased sticks at. Hmm Hmm Hmm Hmm. *it suddenly gets dark* Hey, where'd the lights go?
*At the base of the mountain, Herculidas switches off their power and runs away*
2 B Continued...
9/9/2008 10:39:54 PM
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