|
300 Dalmatians
By CeratosPit
To those of you who've seen my first two storyboards in the "How to make a parody" thread in the movies forum, I decided to write this in script form since I have a habit of not finishing my work and I can write faster than I can draw. So I'll give this first draft a go and lemme know what you think.
--------------------------------------
Clopin: *narrating* When the boy was born, like all Dalmatians, he was insPected...by a monkey...on a giant rock.
*Rafiki the baboon holds baby Herculidas atop the pride rock ledge overlooking baby skeletons below*
Clopin: *narrating* If the child had been weak, or mishapen, or ugly or unhygenic, he would have been disgarded.
*Rafiki pulls back Herc's daiper for a whiff and reels back in disgust. The playful baby than punches the old monkey off the ledge*
Clopin: *narrating* 3 out of 4 ain't bad.
*Cut to a beat up looking 12 year old Herculidas throwing a punch at his prettyful father in their courtyard*
Clopin: *narrating* From the time he could stand he was baptized in the fire of combat. An asPect of his life intensified by the fact that his father, though gorgeous man-candy he may have been...
*Herc misses a right and then swings a left at his father who catches his fist and suddenly turns into a huge, horned beast who proceeds to beat the tar out of him*
Clopin: *narrating* Could tranform into a beast of formidable strength! Improbable, yes but lycanthropy was alot more common in those days.
*Queen Belle, meanwhile, watches her son get ripped apart nearby, chugging down a can of beer*
Clopin: *narrating* His mom was pretty hardcore too.
Belle: *smashing the can against her head* Man up, bitch!
*Cut to Herc's father showing the wheelchair-bound, cast-clad boy his war shield*
Clopin: *narrating* Taught never to surrender, never to retreat...
*The King swiftly knocks the ever-loving bejeezus out of Herculidas with said shield*
Clopin: *narrating* And taught never to fall for the old 'Hey-would-you-check-out-my-shield-if-I-promise-not-to-smash-you-in-the-face-with-it' routine again. These lessons would teach him well. When his testicles descended, as is customary in Dalmatia, he was dragged away from the loving embrace of his mother and affections of his childhood sweetheart...
*Cut to Herculidas being dragged, fingers digging in the Earth, into the woods by his father and Phil the satyr as Queen Belle and a chubby, zit-faced young Pocahontasas watches from the city limits.*
Pocahontasas: I have your baby in me, Herculidas!
Clopin: *narrating* ...and plunged into a world of violence, singing animals and relatively quick maturation. The musical coming of age montage to come would see the boy grow up.
*Herc is thrown into a cartoony forested gorge where Crickets, Meerkats, Mice, Monkeys and all manner of woodland creatures flock to him and sing during a series of random failures*
Animals *singing* Son of man, you're our one last hope!
But Hakuna Matata means don't worry!
We'll make a man out of you
by the end of this hero's journey!
*fade to an elephant graveyard*
Clopin: *narrating* Having wandered into the most forboding setting yet, young Herculidas was forced to pit his will and wit against Dalmatia's apex predators; Stereotype Hyenas. The young man would prove his worth and return home a king...or not at all.
*Three hyenas emerge from an elephant skull*
Shenzi: What's good, ni@@a? I'm a serve you up with fried chicken and grape drink!
Banzai: Then we're gonna go play loud music at the beach, ese!
Ed: Dee Dee Deeeeee!
*Herc backs into a narrow crevasse in the sheer cliff face and more hyenas climb out of decaying elephant bodies*
Clopin: *narrating* As the hyenas cut off Herculidas' avenues of escape, he takes in his surroundings. It's not fear that grips him but a heightened sense of things. He could smell pungent stench of death wafting through the air. He could hear his own heartbeat. He could feel the love tonight. The peace the evening brings. The world for once in perfect harmony with all it's living--wait. Where was I? Oh yeah. Then came a wild and improbable scheme.
*Herc looks up to find several Elephant skeletons resting at the peak. Several hyenas are now within lunging distance*
Clopin: *narrating* Though he had not inherited his father's ability to shapeshift into a monster, he had gained the Beast's incalculable strength.
*As the first hyena lunges, Herc slams his fists into the cliff-side causing an avalanche of bones which bury himself and all of the hyenas*
Clopin: *narrating* And his mom's propensity for smashing things.
*Herc returns to Dalmatia a man cloaked in the sPotty pelt of a hyena. His subjects all bow. Pocahontasas, now tall and painfully gorgeous, stands waiting for him with their 8 year old son, Mowglis*
Clopin: *narrating* And so the boy, given up for dead, returns to his people, to sacred Dalmatia, a king! Our king! Herculidas!
*cut to present moment where Clopin finishes telling the story to a bunch of school children*
Children: *chant* ARF! ARF! ARF!
Clopin: The experience with the hyenas eerily foreshadowed what would become his finest moment. For not long after his homecoming, a monster came to Dalmatia. A monster made of warriors and horses and swords and emo kids! A monster which King Herculidas himself provoked.
2 B continued...
9/5/2008 1:48:47 AM
Comment on this fan fiction!
|
|
|
