|
DJP3P: Members United (Part 2)
By Carnotaur3
INT. PUNKNERD’S ROOM – DAY
PUNKNERD, sad that CARNOTAUR3 was leaving in a matter of hours, cuddles up with his pillow.
PUNKNERD (V.O.)
Sure, we weren’t the fondest of each other, but at least we liked each other in some way. I wish I knew what. You want to know how are friendship started? Well, it began in our early years as common hired killers for Martinni Hallice.
FADE TO:
CARNOTAUR 3 points his gun at SGD.
CARNOTAUR3
Hey, Punk, do your famous Bible quote number!
PUNKNERD
Ezekial chapter 4,000, verse 78 precinct. “…and I will strike down upon them bean bags filled with orange soda on those who desecrate my father’s grave. And you will know, the Lord means some fucking business!”
SGD screams in terror as PUNKNERD shoots off BEAN BAGS into his face.
CARNOTAUR3
Is he breathing?
PUNKNERD
Nope.
CARNOTAUR3
That’s some good shit, Punk, did you really memorize that?
PUNKNERD
I just made up shit, carn0htoe.
CARNOTAUR3
Oh.
Suddenly, from the next room, ~NEO~ jumps out with a pistol and shoots it. Out pops a flag saying BANG, and ~NEO~ stares at it, confused.
~NEO~
What?!
CARNOTAUR3 and PUNKNERD stare at each other, then, they shoot their bean bags upon ~NEO~
CARNOTAUR3
Ha!
PUNKNERD
This can’t be.
CARNOTAUR3
What?
CARNOTAUR 3 reaches for the bean bags.
PUNKNERD
No, we should be dead.
CARNOTAUR3
Huh?
PUNKNERD
That flag should have hit us!
CARNOTAUR3
Oh, it’s probably a defect.
PUNKNERD
I swear, C3, I’ve been hit by many flags, there’s no way a gun like that could just not shoot. I think it was a miracle.
CARNOTAUR3 picks up the gun and shows it off to PUNKNERD.
On the other side of the flag it says: DEFECTIVE GUN
PUNKNERD (cont’d)
Oh.
FADE BACK TO:
PUNKNERD throws the pillow down. RICK enters into his room.
RICK
What’s wrong, PunkNerd?
PUNKNERD
I start to wonder if I’ll ever see C3 again.
RICK
Ah, don’t worry, Rick. Come on down to the chat room, we’re having a DO GOOD ON YOUR MISSION Party.
PUNKNERD
Sweet, let me change first.
CUT TO:
INT. CHAT ROOM – NIGHT
RICK ARNOLD and PUNKNERD enter the chat room, checking out the chit chat going around. CARNOTAUR3 sips some orange soda.
CARNOTAUR3
This was better in the bean bags.
PUNKNERD
C3!
CARNOTAUR3
Yo!
PUNKNERD joins CARNOTAUR3 and JPJUNKEE.
JPJUNKEE
I’m ready for action, Carnotaur, I mean, I want to go kick some major ass right about now.
CARNOTAUR3
You’ll get your chance, Doc. Hey, by the way… do you have anymore of that scat? That’s some good shit.
JPJUNKEE
Sure, you and PunkNerd don’t tell anybody, k?
BOTH
Ok.
JPJUNKEE hands out two full bags of kitty litter.
JPJUNKEE
There you go.
CARNOTAUR3
I’ll never forget this.
JPJUNKEE
Yeah, whatever, just don’t do it in here.
CARNOTAUR3 and PUNKNERD travel to the bathroom. YVONNE comes out and speaks with JPJUNKEE.
YVONNE
Nice night.
JPJUNKEE
Yes. It is.
YVONNE
I hope you guys make it out ok. You’ll mean a lot to us all.
JPJUNKEE
We’ll be alright. Carnotaur3 knows how to handle these sort of situations. I mean, he was in “Pulp Friction”, remember?
YVONNE
Yeah, I know. Well anyway, Dan’s revelations are coming true.
JPJUNKEE
What are you talking about?
YVONNE
You have to make a choice. You die, or Carnotaur3 dies.
JPJUNKEE
What do you mean?
YVONNE
If you die, Carnotaur3 lives. If Carnotaur3 dies, you live.
JPJUNKEE
What are you trying to say?
YVONNE
That you have to make a choice.
JPJUNKEE
About what?
YVONNE
UHG, whether you live or you die.
JPJUNKEE
Why, am I going to die?
YVONNE
Focus, man!
YVONNE slaps JPJUNKEE. He resumes his straightforward face.
JPJUNKEE
Sorry, the scat is messing me all up.
YVONNE
You’ll still aren’t hooked on that kitty litter, are you?
JPJUNKEE gets out the litter box and pushes his hands in it.
JPJUNKEE
I swear, how can you resist it?
CUT TO:
EXT. BATHROOM – BRIGHT
TOBY and AMBER sit on the pots, doing their business.
TOBY
Man, I’m pissing a monsoon.
AMBER
I can shit through a screen door, but you don’t see me trying that out.
TOBY rolls his eyes, then he sniffs the air.
TOBY
Hey, what’s that smell?
AMBER
Yeah, I’ve smelt that before. Usually it comes from my… cat.
TOBY
Kitty litter?!
TOBY comes out of the stall to see PUNKNERD and CARNOTAUR3 using the kitty litter boxes.
CARNOTAUR3
Uh, it’s not what it looks like.
PUNKNERD
Or seems.
TOBY
Too shocking to tell anyone else.
TOBY runs out of the bathroom, his drawers still down to his ankles.
CUT TO:
INT. CHAT ROOM – NIGHT
ICEBREAKER and CARNA sit in recliners, watching all the members have fun.
ICEBREAKER
What is this, social hour?
CARNA
Where are the boos?!
ICEBREAKER
Hey, bartender, what the hell do you have?
BARTENDER throws a glass of orange soda at his face and ICEBREAKER falls to the ground.
The BARTENDER laughs.
ICEBREAKER
Yeah, yeah. Very funny.
CARNOTAUR3 walks to them, grinning.
CARNA
What the hell you so happy about?
CARNOTAUR3
Nothing, what’s wrong guys?
ICEBREAKER
Our party is boring. I mean, come on, we might die in a couple of days. We want to live!
CARNA
Damn straight.
CARNOTAUR3
What do you suggest? Doing butt rockets again?
CARNA
Not such a bad idea!
ICEBREAKER
Oy, those were the times!
FLASHBACK:
ICEBREAKER and CARNA push down their pants revealing milky white bottoms.
CARNA
Ok, C3, you know how to put them in, right?
CARNOTAUR3
I think I can do it right.
CARNOTAUR3 takes out the bottle rockets from the cardboard box.
ICEBREAKER
This feels uncomfortable.
CARNA
Don’t worry, Ice. I’ve done this before, it’s just a little woosh. It only tickles.
CARNOTAUR3
All done.
ICEBREAKER
Ok, how does it look?
CARNOTAUR3
Like two bottle rockets up in two stupid ass holes.
CARNA
Just tell me one thing. Which way did you put them in?
CARNOTAUR3 lights the wire.
CARNOTAUR3
Um…
CARNA
It’s facing outward right?
CARNOTAUR3
Umm…
CARNA & ICEBREAKER
Ah, shit!
8/23/2003 12:27:12 AM
Comment on this fan fiction!
|
|
|
