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Slayer - 5x04 - Love Spell
By Ben
BEN’S HOUSE – BASEMENT
SHANE and MARTY are in the BASEMENT. MARTY is holding a SPELL BOOK and SHANE is reading aloud from it.
Shane: Love Will Blossom ...
MARTY closes the book.
Shane: What are you doing?
Marty: I don't think this is a good idea anymore.
Shane: Thirty minutes ago you thought it was a great idea.
Marty: I know.
Shane: Ten minutes ago you were begging me to get over here and do this.
Marty: I know.
Shane: So, what is the problem now?
MARTY reopens the SPELL BOOK and holds it up so that SHANE can read from it again.
Marty: Nothing, I guess.
Shane: We're just trying to help a friend score a date, Marty.
Marty: I know.
SHANE rolls his eyes at the umpteenth time MARTY has said the same expression.
Shane: Okay, so where were we?
MARTY, looking at the book upside down, finds the place and points to it from above.
Shane: Okay, thanks.
SHANE clears his mind and begins to read from the book once again, sounding like a high volumized chant of some sort.
Shane: Love Will Blossom In Every Charger City High School Cheerleader's Heart. Once River Is Met, Their Paths Will Never Part.
SHANE paused, waiting for something.
Shane: Marty?
Marty: Yeah?
Shane: The blade of grass, Marty. I'm going to be needing that now.
Marty: Oh, yes, of course. Sorry.
MARTY handed a BLADE OF GRASS, picked from RIVER's front yard, to SHANE.
SHANE nodded and threw the BLADE OF GRASS into the BUBBLING CALDRON. Having never really used a CALDRON before, SHANE was a little more than shocked when it all but exploded in the middle, dousing both SHANE and MARTY in GREEN LIQUID GOO.
Marty: *very panicked* What the heck was that all about?"
MARTY shakes the GREEN LIQUID GOO from his hands, grunting and mumbling.
Shane: No biggie. I think it worked!
Marty: How will we know?
Shane: *speaking proudly* Well, when River has a girlfriend ... who happens to be a cheerleader... then we'll know.
Marty: I still think you should have told Tara.
Shane: It's a simple spell, Marty. What could go wrong?
BLACK OUT to OPENING CREDITS
A Zoom in of Charger City at night. “SLAYER” appears in red text. Scenes of BEN, RIVER and PARA all armed with stakes, facing down some vampires.
BEN dives through a window and pulls out a crossbow with a flaming arrow on the end. He releases the trigger and hits a VAMPIRE which explodes into dust. [Starring Ben] BEN and RIVER fight back-to-back against hordes of vampires.
BRAD is thrown forward by an explosion.
PARA throws a blue glowing orb at a DEMON. She dances with BEN at a NIGHTCLUB. PARA and DAC face each other down. [Para girl] PARA glares in rage at BEN.
SHANE and MARTY begin to whisper a chant.
RIVER walks into his high school, greeted by SHANE and MARTY. RIVER punches DAC in the face, knocking him backwards. [Jedi A. Malcolm] VAMPIRES surround RIVER, he spins around with a sword, decapitating them all as they turn to dust.
RIVER dives at some UberVamps in rage.
TARA looks through her books of spells. TARA kisses MANDY on the lips. [JP3 Girl] TARA’S body splits in too DARK MAGIC and LIGHT MAGIC. Tara fires an electric blue beam at a DEMON.
BOB KLINE laughs uncontrollably.
RYAN is held at gunpoint. RYAN spars with BEN. [Dark Hunter] RYAN’S hands glow and they produce lightning. RYAN throws a DEMON onto a pike.
FALCON pulls JOEY up from the GROUND, as a HUGE SNAKE whips by. FALCON spin kicks at THE HOST and follows through with a punch [Labyrinth]
MANDY’S EYES turned BLACK as she produced FIRE FROM HER HANDS. MANDY runs in a GRAVEYARD, carrying a sword, slicing at VAMPIRES. [Mandee] MANDY and TARA hug.
THE HOST and BEN battle on top of a building, exchanging many punches. BOB KLINE and THE HOST morph into other people. [And The Host] THE HOST and MAJESTIC engage in a sword fight.
BEN and RIVER walk the streets of CHARGER CITY with their BLACK coats flapping in the wind as if they were capes. On the screen - [Series Created by Ben Smythe]
COMMERCIAL
CHARGER CITY HIGH SCHOOL - OUTSIDE - FOOTBALL FIELD - RIGHT AFTER SCHOOL
A BEAUTIFUL GIRL runs up to RIVER and hugs him tightly.
[Special Guest Star The Host]
Beautiful Girl: Riv, whatcha doing tonight?
River: Oh, the same old stuff. Saving the world from the evil that is vampires.
Beautiful Girl: *looking as if she's in a trance* Cool. Can I come with you?
River: Uh, no.
Beautiful Girl: Can I follow you from afar?
RIVER glances at JOEY, who is staring out at the small vending area off to the side of the FOOTBALL FIELD. JOEY is no help at all, so he looks back at the BEAUTIFUL GIRL.
River: Hmm. Well, I'm gonna have to go with ...
[Guest Starring Aragorn as Shane]
[JP Junkee as Marty]
[PunkNerd as Joey Russo]
RIVER takes a good look at the BEAUTIFUL GIRL. She is built perfectly ... 120 pounds, 5'4", long blonde hair, blue eyes. A real dream GIRL. And to top it off, RIVER realizes that she's a CHEERLEADER. Hardly noticing the TRANCE-LIKE STATE she's in, he thinks long and hard before finally answering.
River: ... No. Sorry.
The BEAUTIFUL GIRL frowns and looks as if she's going to cry. RIVER doesn't take this reaction well, so he tries to fix it.
River: But we can do something tomorrow.
The BEAUTIFUL GIRL smiles the biggest smile ever, hugging RIVER again.
[Dan as Dan Finkelstein]
Beautiful Girl: Oh, thanks, Riv. You won't regret it!
RIVER nods his head and watches the strange but BEAUTIFUL GIRL bounce away.
River: Riv?
RIVER looks at JOEY.
[Episode Written and Directed by Yvonne Bartha]
River: Joey, did you see that?
JOEY looks at RIVER for the first time in minutes. He was enjoying the aroma of the less than 100% natural HOT DOGS the whole time the BEAUTIFUL GIRL was there.
Joey: Of course I did.
RIVER knew he wasn't paying any attention.
River: What was it?
Joey: How should I know?
River: You said you saw it.
Joey: I know, but I was kidding, just to shut you up. Let's go eat, love-stricken. I’m starving!
River: Whatever.
JOEY stares at RIVER. RIVER stares right back, knowing he's waiting for RIVER to agree to go and eat. Finally RIVER smiles.
River: You really can't make a decision on your own, can you? You need me to tell you it's okay to eat a hot dog?
JOEY slyly smiles, trying to think of something mean to say.
Joey: Shut up.
River: And ... you also can't think of an unoriginal insult.
JOEY waved RIVER off and the two of them left, moving swiftly toward the HOT DOG stand. On the way, JOEY sees the BEAUTIFUL GIRL waving like crazy toward RIVER.
Joey: Wowsers. That is one hot cheerleader!
River: That's what I was talking about.
Joey: I'm not following.
River: Come on, let's go eat and I'll fill you in.
JOEY is now staring toward the BEAUTIFUL GIRL who is staring at RIVER. JOEY waves at her, but she sneers at him and then goes back to looking at RIVER.
Joey: She's really got the hots for you, you stud.
River: I noticed. Something is fishy.
Joey: I'd say. Why she's looking at you and not me ... that is very fishy, you're right.
RIVER rolled his eyes.
River: Must be a quarterback thing.
Joey: Must be.
CHARGER CITY – MAGIC BOX - AFTERNOON
SHANE and MARTY walked into the MAGIC BOX to return the SPELL BOOK. TARA was minding the STORE.
Marty: Hi Tara.
Tara: Hello. What do you have there?
MARTY looked down in his hands.
Marty: Oh, this. It's a spell book. Shane needed it for --
SHANE bumped into MARTY and took the SPELL BOOK from him and placed it back on the shelf.
Tara: Shane needed it for what?
Marty: A spell.
Shane: So much for keeping a secret, Marty.
Tara: What kind of spell?
Shane: I cast a small little innocent spell.
Tara: When and why?
Shane: This morning. To help River get a date.
Tara: Shane, you know better than that.
SHANE looks down, saddened by his own behavior.
Shane: Sorry.
Tara: Okay, what did you say exactly?
SHANE looked at MARTY, who was distancing himself from SHANE. He had grabbed the SPELL BOOK from the shelf again and was holding it. SHANE gestured him over. MARTY reluctantly made his way over there.
Shane: Show her the spell.
MARTY opened the book and pointed to the SPELL that SHANE had used. After reading it to herself for a few seconds, TARA sighed.
Tara: This spell wasn't for just one girl to like him.
Shane: Yeah, I know. I changed the wording a little.
Tara: You can't do that. The spell will just go haywire.
Marty: Opps.
Commercial:
Kowalski Natural Casing Hot Dogs! They are much better than the less than 100% natural crappy hot dogs at that aforementioned high school football field!
CHARGER CITY HIGH SCHOOL - OUTSIDE - FOOTBALL FIELD - DURING PRACTICE
JOEY observes how each and every CHEERLEADER keeps bringing RIVER presents and hugging him. Getting jealous, and knowing that he was definitely better looking than RIVER, JOEY became suspicious.
Joey: *to himself* Something is fishy here alright. The only way all of these really hot chicks would give him the time of day would be ... *thinking* ... *figuring it out* ... Magic!
JOEY walks toward RIVER to confront him about it, pushing a few TRANCE-INDUCED CHEERLEADERS out of his way.
CHARGER CITY – MAGIC BOX - OUTSIDE
Tara: Okay, we need to find River. Where is he now? Do either of you know?
Shane: Football practice.
Tara: For how long?
SHANE glanced at the wall clock.
Shane: Another 20 minutes or so.
Tara: Okay, well let's get over there before it's too late.
Marty: *confused* Too late for what?
Tara: We need to get there before the cheerleaders tear River to shreds.
Marty: Oh.
Shane: That doesn't sound pleasant.
CHARGER CITY HIGH SCHOOL - OUTSIDE - FOOTBALL FIELD - PRACTICE IS OVER
The other PLAYERS, and seemingly the CHEERLEADERS, had left the FOOTBALL FIELD, leaving RIVER and JOEY alone. JOEY is about to confront RIVER about using MAGIC to get ahead of him in the GIRL DEPARTMENT, when they are interrupted. The two are only alone for seconds.
Suddenly, there are CHEERLEADERS everywhere! They are surrounding RIVER and the in-the-wrong-place-at-the-wrong-time JOEY.
Joey: It's kind of cool to be this well liked, don't you think, River?
River: Not exactly.
One DERANGED CHEERLEADER latches onto RIVER from behind. She is so desperate to have him, that she accidently begins to STRANGLE him.
River: *gasping* Joey ... help!
JOEY turns and is quite amused for a second, but then sees that RIVER is turning BLUE, so he pries the CHEERLEADER'S HANDS off of RIVER.
CHARGER CITY HIGH SCHOOL - PARKING LOT
TARA, SHANE and MARTY arrive at the school and run toward the FOOTBALL FIELD.
CHARGER CITY HIGH SCHOOL - OUTSIDE - FOOTBALL FIELD
After seeing the CHEERLEADERS begin to shred RIVER's FOOTBALL UNIFORM, TARA quickly stops, closes her eyes and begins to CHANT.
Tara: Spell Of Love Go Away, Don't Come Back On Any Other Day.
There is a short flash of light that surrounds the FOOTBALL FIELD and then suddenly, the CHEERLEADERS come out of their TRANCES all at once.
One CHEERLEADER, who was about to kiss RIVER, wakes up from the TRANCE and gags when she sees who it is.
Cheerleader: Ew.
River: *frowning* Thanks.
Cheerleader: No problem, freak.
The CHEERLEADER cringes and then runs from the FOOTBALL FIELD. The rest of the CHEERLEADERS, completely TRANCE-FREE now, follow in the same fashion, complaining about what they were about to do.
Various Cheerleader: Quarterback or not ... he's only a JUNIOR who is really only a SOPHOMORE. Gross!
TARA, SHANE and MARTY walk up to RIVER and JOEY.
Joey: So which one of you put a spell on River?
River: What spell?
Tara: It was Shane.
River: *repeating* What spell?
Shane: I was just trying to help you out, River.
River: *finally understanding* I didn't know I needed help.
Joey: *laughing* Oh, yes, you needed help. But that was TOO MUCH help.
Shane: Sorry River.
RIVER pats SHANE on the back.
River: No big deal. It was kind of fun ... for a second.
Joey: Welcome to my world ... where all the women swoon at your every movement.
TARA, RIVER, SHANE and MARTY all laughed at JOEY.
Joey: What?
LONDON, ENGLAND
THE WATCHER’S COUNCIL BUILDING – MEETING ROOM
After a very long meeting, the WATCHER'S COUNCIL broke up for the night and went their separate ways. MALCOLM stayed behind, as he was always the last one to leave.
Somewhere in the SHADOWS, he heard a familiar VOICE.
Malcolm: Someone there?
NO ONE answered.
Malcolm: Hello?
From the shadows, a FIGURE emerged. MALCOLM recognized the FIGURE right away.
Malcolm: I can handle things from here, Dan.
Dan: I don't think you're handing things too well.
Malcolm: Now I know we've had our differences in the past, but I think we can get through them. If for nothing else ... for the greater good of the Flooder and Vampire Slayers.
DAN moved incredibly quick. MALCOLM wasn't even sure what had happened for a few seconds. And then, the pain started.
MALCOLM stared in disbelief, as DAN pulled the DAGGER from MALCOLM's abdomen.
Malcolm: *spitting blood a little and holding the wound* Why?
Dan: Why not?
DAN smiles as his fellow WATCHER falls back against the WALL.
Dan: You were one of the best, Malcolm.
MALCOLM slumps to the WOODEN FLOOR, still looking at DAN disbelievingly.
Dan: I needed to be the best, so I'm just getting rid of the competition, so to speak.
DAN looked down at the unmoving BODY and watched as MALCOLM's eyes shut, placing him into his final RESTING PLACE far away from where they were.
DAN made sure to wipe his FINGERPRINTS from the DAGGER and then threw it to the FLOOR next to MALCOLM. DAN shrugged and walked out of the ROOM.
THE WATCHER’S COUNCIL BUILDING – HALLWAY
DAN briskly walked through the HALLWAY, slowing down at the THIRD DOOR on the RIGHT. Peering inside, he smiled as he saw the BODIES of two additional WATCHERS on the floor in that ROOM.
Dan: This was too easy.
DAN began to morph back into THE HOST, but then the process was disrupted, as a MAN walked into the BUILDING.
The REAL DAN rounded the corner and ran right into .... HIMSELF. Well, half of HIMSELF. THE HOST had partly turned back into himself, leaving DAN to stare into the EYES of HIMSELF.
Dan: Who are you?
Dan/The Host: I am the man who is going to take your place.
Before the REAL DAN could react, DAN/THE HOST raised him in the air with MAGIC. DAN hovered there, struggling to break free of the EVIL MAGIC, but could do nothing.
Dan/The Host: I'd like to be the first one to welcome you to the other side.
DAN/THE HOST produced another DAGGER from inside his COAT and went to work on the REAL DAN – stabbing him multiple times and leaving him for dead.
THE HOST morphed into his normal figure. He started to walk away but then realized that he’s a bit more tidy than that – so he turns around to see…
AN EMPTY HALL – the hallway where he had just stabbed and ‘killed’ DAN was empty. No other bodies…not even DAN’S…
The Host: What the…?
BLACK SCREEN
EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS
BEN SMYTHE
YVONNE BARTHA
5/3/2003 12:46:15 AM
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