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First Draft: Friends
By BRM
FIRST DRAFT: FRIENDS
[FADE IN: Happy fountain place where several twenty some-things dance around in white clothes to a snappy tune]
TUNE:
So no one told you life would be this way,
[Clap, clap, clap, clap]
Where you live in the lap of luxury every single day,
You know that things will turn out all right,
If just sleep with your friends and hang out at a coffee shop all night
[yeah]
They’ll be there for you,
When your life seems to suck,
They’ll be there for you,
To show you that there’s luck
They’ll be there for you,
Cuz they’re rating at #2
CUT TO: Small New York apartment building.
FADE: Apartment film set in Los Angeles California that has more space than the actual New York apartment building it is supposedly located in.
CHANDLER
I’m not gay.
AUDIENCE
That’s funny.
RACHEL
I was a highly successful business woman who left her husband in order to persue a lifelong dream of spending over nine years of my life in the same apartment living with the same people.
ROSS
Do you want to have sex?
RACHEL
Sure.
[They have sex]
RACHEL
I want to break up now.
ROSS
[sob]
MONICA
I was fat, now I’m obsessive about cleaning. I even laundry my toilet paper after every use.
JOEY
How you doin?
ROSS
I’m married to a Lesbian.
RACHEL
I thought we were a couple?
ROSS
We were on a break.
PRODUCER
Note to self: If anything, spend at least six seasons on that subject.
PHOEBE
I’m pregnant with my half-brothers’ triplets.
AUDIENCE
Awwww, it’s like incest but on a cuter scale.
CHANDLER
Hey, have you noticed that even though we live in the most racially and financially diverse city in the entire world, all of us are straight white attractive Christians living in rediculously large apartments which in real life we could never afford?
AUDIENCE
Hey, he’s right.
[Chandler dies]
PRODUCER
That fixed it.
[END]
(Writer’s note: Yes, it’s the first drafts of various TV sitcoms and movies. Stay on the lookout for more)
5/12/2002 10:46:25 PM
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