Jurassic Park
By Michael Crichton
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    According to Crichton's JP novel, John Hammond's middle name is "Alfred". In the film, however, it's "Parker". (From: 'eggy')
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    The Slushie Bandits 1x06 Make a Joker out of You
    By Aragorn


    Gotham is a huge city with buildings ranging all sizes. Quite a busy place it seems, but with a dark and moody vibe. We swoop over the city and down to balcony of a run-down office building. We pan in through the open doors, past the big shotgun-wielding guard, and into a room with filing cabinets in the corner and a big desk in the center.


    The Joker comes dancing in with Harley Quinn in his arms as a light-hearted opera tune plays. The pair spin over to the big desk top, and the Joker lies Harley on her back against it.

    JOKER: Harley, darling!

    HARLEY: Yes, Mister Jay?

    JOKER: I’ve finally produced the GREATEST plan ever…(turning away from Harley in a fit of heated anger)...to RID myself of that BASTARD BAT!

    Harley smiles brightly.

    HARLEY: Really, puddin’?

    JOKER: Yes!

    HARLEY: And you ain’t jokin’?

    Joker’s mouth drops, and it’s obvious he’s slightly angry with his fanatical love. She loses her smile, moving her torso and head back like a confused dog. The Joker then walks past her, and past the filing cabinets, unseen now around the corner. As he fiddles with something. Harley Quinn just seems curious, even cocking her head to the right. Joker then returns, wheeling something out. A look of glee washes over Harley’s face.

    She’s faced with a bomb waist high with Joker’s face painted in the center. Harley can’t seem to keep her eyes off it as she slides off the desk and creeps over to it.

    HARLEY: It’s beautiful!

    JOKER: I know. It’s an old bomb I’ve kept, and when I send it to Commissioner Gordon’s house – TONIGHT - the REAL fun will begin. Ahaahaha! As we slowly take over GOTHAM CITY! HAHAHAHAHAAA! And the Batman will suffer his greatest defeat ever! I will TEAR his throat out and… and… (Harley hugs him tightly around the waist)...I… can’t remember. Hehe. Heh. HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA…! (his laugh turning to a sob) Ahahhhhhhahaha… I can’t remember!

    Joker twists his woman off of him and starts walking away with a slump. He drops to the ground.

    JOKER (solemnly): I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Harley.

    Harley walks over and crouches by his side.

    JOKER: I don’t think I have it in me anymore.

    HARLEY: Oh, don’t stress over it. Maybe it’s just a bit tired. I mean, you’ll get a second wind! You usually…

    JOKER (cutting her off): The plan WAS desperate.

    Harley seems to feel the Joker’s pain, but still tries to be cheerful.

    HARLEY: I don’t see a smile!

    Suddenly they hear the sounds of someone being punched and falling to the floor just outside. Joker jerks up to a stance as Harley Quinn cart wheels over to the bomb with haste, and starts wheeling it back into the next room. Joker steps up to the darkness outside and shows his teeth in curious anger. Then the Joker is knocked to the ground by the big thug soaring into him. He lets out a few grunts of pain as he rolls the unconscious guard in white make-up off of him. Joker stands up and then the shotgun comes soaring in, slamming against his back and he drops over the sleepy body.

    Harley Quinn looks around the corner and pulls up a playful sledgehammer. She watches Joker weakly get up once again, picking up the shotgun. But then something slides in a flash and picks Joker off his feet. He drops the shotgun and Harley Quinn comes running out, growling, with the colorful hammer raised! She brings it down, accidentally hitting Joker on the head and nearly knocking him out as the mostly-unseen man-like creature in black pulls laughing boy away. Joker is pulled out onto the balcony by the scruff of his neck, whoosy.

    JOKER: Harley…?

    HARLEY: Puddin'!

    Harley chases after him, possibly about to weep.


    Harley chases after them and swings down with the sledgehammer once more, with all her might. The building is cracked a bit and she gasps in horror as the BATMAN leaps off the ledge and glides away with the Joker tucked under his free arm.

    HARLEY: Mister JAAAAY!! NOOOOOoooooo!


    Batman swings with Joker over a Gotham City street by way of grappling hook. In the end of this dip, they now move higher and higher.


    Batman lands on this even higher rooftop and drops the barely conscious Joker. Joker rubs the back of his slightly bleeding head with his right gloved hand. Batman starts walking away, before turning around.

    BATMAN: When is it going to end, Joker? Stop while you have the chance. You’ve been down this road too long.

    Joker slowly stands, eyes trained on the Dark Knight.

    JOKER: You would know, wouldn’t you?

    He spits at Batman's boots.

    JOKER: You’ve got me all figured out, don’t you?

    BATMAN: You know I do.

    JOKER: What if I don’t want to stop?

    BATMAN: Then you’re going to a new wing at Arkham for the rest of your life. One where you'll never get out.

    JOKER: Ah HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! Oh, bats, if you were the only one to crack me up, I’d… you’d…

    Batman stands there staring at him- The Joker sinks.

    JOKER: You’re serious.

    BATMAN: Always.

    He begins walking away, leaving Joker in awe.

    BATMAN: I’ll give you three days to decide.

    JOKER: What?! You’re just going to TRUST me until then?!

    Batman leaps off the edge and grapples back the way he came. Joker runs to the edge and watches him depart.

    JOKER (under his breath): He’s going to trust me.

    The Joker is at a standstill before he starts feeling around his body, before pulling out a white card from his right breast coat, behind the acid spitting flower. It reads “Where’s Fort St. John?” Joker flips the card around and another, bigger question mark is present. The color green.


    Harley Quinn is sniffling and crying. She drops to her knees, faced with the Joker-faced big bomb. She starts pressing the teeth of the Joker face down, which begin to glow just after.

    HARLEY: For you, Mister Jay.

    Harley is now sobbing uncontrollably, when Batman grabs her button-pressing fingers. They’re crushed in his palm. Harley GASPS, looking up at the Dark Knight. He pulls back his free hand and clenches it into fist. He punches her out.


    The opening credits play with the song 'Downfall' by Trustcompany. We see various action scenes from upcoming episodes, and then we see a collage of scenes of each main character as his or her name is shown in the credits. One on side of the screen is three blocks, each with a different scene of the character, from a future episode. On the other side of the screen is the same thing, only with the character in their Slushie Bandits costume. Overlapping, in the middle, is a close-up of the character's head.

    Jeff – Slushie Man
    Karsen – Slurpee Dude
    Dane - Froster

    After the main cast, we see a few clips of them in some action shots, including some with their upcoming vehicles (hover board, leg jet boosters, and the Slushiemobile), as well as some shots of them out-of-costume interacting with other characters. The final scene shows the Slushie Bandits walking side-by-side as something explodes behind them.

    Opening credits end.


    Slushie Man and Froster walk on a concrete walkway, splitting a small grass yard. And up to this house.

    Make a Joker Out of You

    FROSTER: What are we doing here, anyway?

    SLUSHIE MAN: I agreed to walk this old lady’s cat every now and then. She’s too old to be walking him everyday.

    FROSTER: Is this the cat you helped out of the tree?

    SLUSHIE MAN: No. Slurpee Dude did.

    They stop at the door.

    SLUHSIE MAN: How was Grand Prairie?

    FROSTER: Not that grand.

    Slushie Man knocks three times. A moment’s pause. Slushie Man now knocks another three times. Froster smiles.

    FROSTER: Maybe she died.

    SLUSHIE MAN: Don’t say that.

    The front door opens, and the little old lady stands there with Heathcliff the cat. He’s all ready with his leash attached. The lady smiles, looking from Slushie Man to Froster.

    LITTLE OLD LADY: You’re not Slurpee Dude.

    FROSTER: No, ma’am, they call me Froster. I'm the other member of the team.

    SLUSHIE MAN: He’s in good hands, ma’am.

    Slushie Man takes the cat’s leash.


    A park is visible in the background. Slushie Man holds the leash, and the fat cat walks ahead of him. Froster stands behind them both, kicking his feet and looking down at them.

    SLUSHIE MAN: Heathcliff, here…we don’t want him getting out of shape.

    FROSTER: Heathcliff, are you kidding me?

    Slushie Man just ignores Froster. Froster looks around to see a man walking the opposite direction, staring at them. Then a teal car passes by and suddenly comes to a screeching halt. Slushie Man and Froster keep their eyes on it and see a flash shine at them from within the vehicle.

    SLUSHIE MAN: Did he just take our picture?

    The barely-seen man in the car, wearing sunglasses, speeds off only to hit a mailbox. The two heroes stop themselves, staring at the idiot. The car backs up and drives away hastily.

    FROSTER: Damn paparazzi. They're all over anything that's even a tiny bit famous, like flies to a pile of dung.

    Slushie Man and Froster start walking the cat again.


    Fred Diamond and Denny Frampton are walking up a grassy hill and stepping up to a grave labeled “R.I.P. Ralph 'Mac' Edison. 1969-2008”. Dressed in black, and waiting for them, are a male preacher and the widow; a blonde, big breasted beauty holding a bouquet of white roses. Fred and Denny now stop in front of her.

    FRED (to the woman): I’m truly sorry. He was a good man.

    WIDOW: Thank you, Fred.

    Denny stares at the widow as Fred turns to the preacher.

    MALE PREACHER: Now that we’re all here, let us begin. (pausing- staring at crumpled notes at hand) Ralph Edison lived the first half of his life in New York City, New York. Manhattan was where he first became an officer of the law at the age of twenty-two… and it’s there where he met his lovely wife of five years, Geena Marie Edison. He died at the age of thirty-eight.

    Fred turns to see Geena and Denny eyeing each other. He looks at the preacher, then looks away with the dullest look on his face. The preacher looks up from his notes, to Geena.

    MALE PREACHER: Have you anything to say, Mrs. Edison?

    Geena kneels down and places the bouquet on the coffin.

    GENNA: Goodbye, my darling. I’m going to miss you.

    Geena stands up as the male preacher moves a switch with his right foot. The coffin lowers into the open grave. The preacher now shoves his notes in a hip side pocket, and
    walks away slowly.

    Fred starts walking back down the hill, too. Then he stops, turning back with a shocked look to see Denny walking in the opposite direction and hand-in-hand with the widow, comforting her.


    Dark storm Clouds are quickly moving in the direction of the town, as is a U-Haul truck. The truck drives past a sign reading “Fort St. John” and beneath that… “The Energetic City”. Through the windshield we PAN, and we notice the Joker grinning with a head shake from side to side as a jazz tune plays on the radio.


    The U-Haul pulls up to the side of the street near an alley. A light breeze brought on by the approaching storm blows a newspaper page down the street just as the driver’s side door opens and Joker steps out. He closes his eyes, arches his neck up and straightens his tie, all with a smug grin on his face. He walks towards an alley as if he was marching.


    The Joker passes a graffiti mark - that of a big green question mark. Joker stops, turning from the mark to the end of the alley.

    JOKER: I don’t want any riddles now, Riddler! Come on out!

    Joker walks to the end of the alley, raising his right hand and locking the U-haul truck with a press of a button on his little remote, which he stuffs back in his coat pocket. The Joker notices a rusted red door on the right side building. He approaches it and twists the knob, opening it. Pan back to the U-haul truck, as Joker enters the building, the door closing behind him.

    A black robed figure hunch-walks on the driver’s side. He pulls a crowbar and starts reaching for the handle. Suddenly, as the thug pulls up on it and he’s electrocuted. Tazered and screaming at the top of his lungs, the black robed man eventually lets go and drops to the ground, before curling up in a ball with the shakes.


    Joker walks into a completely empty room; White walls, with the exception of a big bright yellow Sun painting on the wall to his left; all is clean and neatly kept, as if Joker had stepped into a padded room. Joker briefly turns back to the door he came through, this side of it not red, but camouflaging white. The front door is to his right, with one window to the left of it. Joker is now walking towards the small winding staircase. He starts ascending, growing grouchy.

    JOKER (muttering): Oooh. This better be worth it.

    Hand on the rail, he continues his ascent.


    The Joker winds up into this dark room, where nothing can be seen. Nothing but a polar opposite of a painting on the wall to his left, which glows. It’s that of the Moon, the only source of light in this room. The Joker walks up to the Moon, raising his arms to it. Then a figure sidesteps into the light and Joker almost screams, backing up with his arms in front of him. Then he calms down as the figure, a bit shorter than he, is just standing there staring at him.

    JOKER: What’s the plan, all ready?! ANSWER ME, Riddler!

    MYSTERY MAN: Name’s Freak! Riddler is no more.

    JOKER: You killed him, that’s… that’s swell. But you used his calling card! You dragged me away from Gotham… and…!

    FREAK: I didn’t kill him. He’s resting safely in Arkham. But I had to get YOU away from the Bat. And away from your Harley Quinn so we could discuss business. Nowadays, people like me know things, like how I know you aren’t the same as you were. Hmph. How do you like my base of operations?

    JOKER: I see, a house of nothing. I see! HAHAHAHAAAAA!

    FREAK: You don’t seem to understand what we can accomplish here. You know what it’s like to live above the Sun?

    JOKER: I don’t like riddles, boy! WHAT’S… your plan? Or should I just take over like I was planning to, ANYWAY?! (raising open right hand- as if to back hand) Why, I oughta…!

    Freak claps his hands. Something heavy its Joker on the head from behind and he falls unconscious.


    Sprinkling rain is now pit-pattering to the ground. Joker is propped up in the corner outside. He is just awakening, face to face with a small group of punks in white faces with red lips.

    CLOWN PUNK ONE: I’ll drive, sir.

    Joker cocks his head at the clowns, confused.


    It's now pouring rain as the U-Haul truck drives quickly past a white car on this lone road.


    The Joker is in the passenger’s seat, and he almost growls at the sight of the first clown punk at the driving wheel.

    CLOWN PUNK ONE: That bomb back there… what did you intend to do with it?

    JOKER: I… I don’t know! Just drive! (burying face in hands) Where are we going?

    CLOWN PUNK ONE: To prison.

    Hold on the Joker. We see his mostly hidden eyes light up.


    The store is still partly in the process of being re-built, but it's re-built enough to be opened for business again. Slurpee Dude stands by the slushie machine, fixing himself a tall cup of mixed slushie. The bored male attendant looks up at him from his Time Magazine.

    STATION ATTENDANT: Something wrong, Slurpee Dude?

    SLURPEE DUDE: Just got to keep in shape, you know?

    The Station Attended looks back down at his magazine.


    Slurpee Dude puts a lid on the cup and a straw through the lid, now walking away from the machine and towards the counter.

    SLURPEE DUDE: What do I owe ya?

    STATION ATTENDANT: Oh, no, nothing. All slushies here are free of charge to members of the Slushie Bandits.

    SLURPEE DUDE: Oh, sweet. Thanks.


    Buildings are in the distance in this fast PAN across them, with rain pouring down. Slurpee Dude is running at super speed, his slurpee half-gone in his right hand, and a digital watch on his left wrist. He lifts his left arm and watches the clock, as if timing himself. Farther and faster he goes. He runs onto the middle of the street and doesn’t see the U-HAUL truck in time. He gets smashed against the front side, and he goes flying with a slight but instant grunt. He soars back into a grass field with another grunt and he’s down and out.


    The Joker looks at the thug driving.

    JOKER: Ah haha. HA! HAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAaaaa!!! Hehehe. Hahaha! Ooooh, hahahahaHAAAAAAAA!

    The lead thug cracks a smile. Joker tries to stop laughing, and eventually does succeed, though still grinning widely.


    Slushie Man and Froster are walking Heathcliff down a dirt road behind the local library, picking up their pace as the rain starts coming down harder.

    FROSTER: We should hurry up and get this cat back before we all get sick out here.

    SLUSHIE MAN: Yeah, I know a short cut back to the house.

    Suddenly Slurpee Dude comes running up quickly and screeches to a stop, his feet causing a bit of smoke to rise with the friction of his sudden stop. When he comes to a halt, he falls to his knees in minor pain, holding his back.

    SLUSHIE MAN: Should I even ask?

    SLURPEE DUDE: Shit! My back!

    FROSTER: What the Hell did you do to yourself?

    Slurpee Dude looks up at him, eyes thinning.

    SLURPEE DUDE: Does it look like I friggin' did this to myself?

    SLUSHIE MAN: Ok, calm down and tell us what happened.

    SLURPEE DUDE: I was hit by a truck!

    FROSTER: What were you doing?

    SLURPEE DUDE: Timing myself, trying to see what my max speed was, but never mind that. I think I saw someone in that truck that hit me. I think I saw…I know this is impossible, but I think I saw the Joker.

    Froster looks to Slushie Man for an answer, not having one of his own. Slushie Man hands the leash to Slurpee Dude.

    SLUSHIE MAN: Take Heathcliff home. We'll go on ahead and check this out. Where was this?

    Slurpee Dude stands up slowly, in pain, taking the leash from Slushie Man.

    SLURPEE DUDE: Just down the street from Macs, near the intersection. (to the cat) Let’s go, cat.


    The sun is beginning to go down as thunder booms loudly in the distance. The U-Haul truck is parked in front of the building.


    A security officer is knocked back; punched square in the face by the unseen small mob. He’s then shot twice in the chest, falling dead. The cell mates cheer as the Order line up at each cell door. The Joker walks in, following the leader of this pack. Joker watches him point out two people in one of the cells. It’s the squealer and the seven foot tall man from the previous episode.

    CLOWN PUNK ONE: The boss wants to see you, Hoss.

    Hoss, the seven foot tall man, stands up. The squealer punk looks to him, and then to Joker.


    Slurpee Dude leads Heathcliff up the path to the front door of the house. He looks down at Heathcliff and just shakes his head.

    SLURPEE DUDE: Maybe with the Joker in town, we won’t have to walk you ALL damn day! You… you cat, are almost more trouble than you’re worth.

    He's about to knock but stops when Heathcliff looks up at him and meows once.

    SLURPEE DUDE: Well it’s not that I want Joker terrorizing the place. I just think with the Order running crime at such a slow pace all of a sudden, well, I’m kind of anxious to…

    He’s interrupted by the front door opening. The little old lady stands there. She looks up at him and down at her cat.

    LITTLE OLD LADY: You’re going to catch a cold!

    Slurpee Dude smiles.

    SLURPEE DUDE: I don’t think so.

    He hands her the leash.


    LITTLE OLD LADY: What happened to the other two?

    SLURPEE DUDE: Had an errand to run. Asked me to take him home.

    LITTLE OLD LADY: About time! Thanks, anyway… but I won’t need you guys to walk him anymore.

    Slurpee Dude turns and walks down the path away from the house, rubbing his sore back.

    SLURPEE DUDE (sarcastically): I’m sure they’ll be heart broken...

    The little old lady slowly shuts the front door.


    The U-Haul truck passes by the area.


    In the back compartment is the crowd of clown thugs, including the squealer and Hoss, and they surround a much less complete Joker bomb, similar to the one from Gotham.


    The truck drives through a tunnel, part of the ceiling of it missing, showing the night sky, dark clouds, and allowing the rain to pour down into that one area of the tunnel. Through the hole, we see lightning strike as thunder booms.


    The U-Haul truck exits the other end of the tunnel and turns a corner with a screech, entering the gates of the park. We see Joker through the windshield as he looks out and up at a billboard of a Sun, and a room above it with a torn wall. In this room is a swimming pool.


    Freak, the current leader of the Order, stands, looking out the hole in the wall as rain lashes in and lightning lights the sky. The U-Haul truck comes to a stop below him.

    FREAK (to himself): Do you know what it’s like to live above the Sun, Joker?

    A low-angle shot of Freak, his legs, walking up to the edge of the decent-sized pool with crystal clear water.


    Slushie Man and Froster walk down the wet-covered street and stare at the Macs store on this cold night. The wind is blowing strongly around them, but the rain has finally stopped. Silent lightning lights up the storm clouds in the background. Slushie Man turns and scans down the street. He jogs into the middle of the street, kneeling down at some tire tracks from a skid. He looks up and over to the street connecting with this one, which is where the tracks are leading before they fade out. And Froster joins him near an four-way intersection. Slushie Man points down a street.

    SLUSHIE MAN: They came from here.

    He points down a second street.

    SLUSHIE MAN: And headed there.

    FROSTER: It’s a start.

    SLUSHIE MAN: Yes, it is.

    Froster follows Slushie Man down the road.


    Joker is lead in by the lead punk in clown make-up. The rest of the gang enter as well, including Hoss and Squealer. Freak stands in the shadows, however Joker recognizes him just the same.

    JOKER: YOU again?!

    Freak finally steps into the light and we see that his face is that of a burn victim, healed over like a freak of nature.

    JOKER: Eh, that’s disgusting! HAHAHAHAhahaha!

    FREAK: I’m glad my appearance amuses you, Joker.

    He walks around the pool.

    FREAK: But the Order is really pressed for time. You see, we’ve got a restaurant to hit and...

    JOKER (cutting him off): You’re going to hit a restaurant?

    FREAK: This is our city now. I don’t think it matters where we terrorize.


    FREAK: Once the Order runs this city into the ground, everything will change. It'll be turned into how St. Wainluk is now – lawless with anarchy running. To assure everything is under control, we’ve got to hit every little place we can think of. And this week it's Egan's Restaurant and Pub.

    Joker suddenly notices a body swaying in the darkness, hung from the ceiling by the neck.

    JOKER: Well, it seems like you’ve got it handled. I’d better go!

    Freak steps towards him.

    FREAK: I want you to join the Order, Joker.


    FREAK: My second in command, reporting to only me.

    Freak looks at Hoss.

    FREAK: It’s a demotion for you, but I’m sure you understand.

    HOSS (slightly depressed): Yes, boss Freak… sir.

    Freak walks past Joker, who turns with him and Freak steps right up to Hoss, looking up and eye to eye with the big lug. Joker sweats, eyeing the hanging body in the corner. Hoss waits for Freak to speak.

    FREAK: You weren’t injured too badly?

    Hoss shakes his head.

    FREAK: Good.

    With a snap of Freak’s fingers, Squealer is dragged forward by two thugs and caught off guard. Looking from side to side with such confusion, anger follows. He begins struggling in their grips at the edge of the pool.

    SQUEALER: Get yer scum paws off of me! Hey!

    With a splash, he's shoved into the pool. Joker is seemingly about to break out in laughter again, but he resists. Freak stares down emotionlessly. Squealer is thrashing about, not noticing the machine box attached to the bottom of the pool. A chain begins raising, with two cuffs on the end. They now magnetically attach to each other… with Squealer’s ankles locked together in between. Joker turns to Freak.

    FREAK: Enjoying this, Joker?

    The chain retracts, pulling Squealer under.

    FREAK: Have you come to a decision?

    Joker watches the squealer drown.

    JOKER: I haven’t worked under someone in a while. I don’t know...

    FREAK: But you’ll do it now.

    He turns to Hoss and walks around him, standing beside him.

    FREAK: Now, Hoss, my man. Take a good look at the drowning victim. I expect my crew to protect me and mine. He squealed to the Slushie Bandits and we suffered from it. He’s the reason those Slushie bastards got to you and found our warehouse of weapons.

    HOSS: Him?!

    Under the water, Squealer holds his neck tight, reaching for the surface, stretching his arms out, but only his hands emerging. Freak looks at Hoss’ furious expression. Back to Squealer’s hands going back under. He’s lifeless below. Dead. Freak claps and the clown punks start to leave.

    HOSS: Thank you, sir.

    Freak looks at the Joker. Joker lowers his head and points to a dark corner, toward the hanging body.

    JOKER: Did he say no?

    Freak chuckles.

    FREAK: Yes.

    Joker raises his head with a gigantic, maniacal smile.

    JOKER: Then let’s run this city into the ground! HAAAAA HAHAHAHAHAAAA!

    Freak nods once, then grins widely. Back in the corner. We close in as Joker’s laughter echoes on the sight of body hanging with a broken neck, dead.


    Karsen is walking across the parking lot and up to the entrance of Wal-Mart. He stops, pulling out his phone. We zoom in and see a text message from Amber. It reads “Meet me and Sonum at Wal-Mart.” He puts the phone away, and walks towards the doors as they automatically slide open for him, and he walks in.


    Karsen steps up to Amber and Sonum turning away from a tower of DVD's for sale, to him.

    AMBER: Hey honey.

    She leans in and they kiss.

    KARSEN: So I see you two are becoming good friends.

    AMBER: So? What's that supposed to mean?

    KARSEN: What did I say?

    AMBER (snapping): Nothing, never mind.

    KARSEN: You’re just looking for a fight is all.

    AMBER: With you around, I don't need to go looking for one, you cause them every time you open you're stupid mouth!

    SONUM: How about we just calm down?

    AMBER (to Karsen): I can't believe I actually wanted to spend time with you today. ERG!

    Amber turns and storms away. Sonum shrugs at Karsen and walks away, following after Amber. Karsen is just left standing there, not moving. He stares at nothing, possibly in deep thought.


    The parking lot of this restaurant is packed full, not one single parking space left. The building is alive with guests.


    Pan across several people enjoying dinner, and then over to Denny and Geena, Mac's widowed wife, before plates of half-eaten chicken parmesan and glasses of red wine. Denny takes a sip of his wine.

    DENNY: I just want to say one more time that I'm sorry about your loss. But you know, there comes a time where you have to move on, otherwise your life is controlled by grief.

    Geena looks up from her food, and right into Denny’s eyes, almost seductively.

    DENNY: I understand if it’s a little too soon, but why not?

    GEENA: I met you for the first time at his funeral. I thought this was a sympathy date.

    Denny looks away, sighing. He watches the swinging doors to the restaurant kitchen. Geena grabs her purse from between her lower legs, off the floor.

    GEENA: Sorry, Denny. I had a good time, and thanks for cheering me up. But I think I should get going.

    Denny’s eyes are locked on the windows on the swinging doors. And he sees a very familiar clown pass by! Denny jumps up, pulling his gun out.

    DENNY: I'll be damned; the Joker!

    Genna slams back down in her seat, nearly screaming.

    GEENA: Oh my God! Denny, what are you doing!? Put the gun down!

    Denny is slammed face first into the table by an Australian waiter. The waiter holds Denny's head down with force.

    AUSTRALIAN WAITER: Easy mate, easy!

    DENNY: Let go of me, you son of a bitch! I’m a cop!

    AUSTRALIAN WAITER: Language, mister! There’s a lady present!

    The waiter winks at Geena, then takes a glance at her cleavage. Almost grinding his teeth, before Denny thrusts back, knocking the waiter into another table where another couple dines, but now jumping up with surprise. Denny runs across the dining area, his gun out. He weaves through the tables, and passing folk that look at him in sheer curiosity. He leaps and slides over the counter and barges through the kitchen doors, aiming his pistol the way he saw Joker walk.


    Behind Denny, Hoss steps up calmly. He slams a frying pan into the back of the cop's head and Denny drops, dropping the gun as well. Hoss picks Denny by the ankles and drags him across the floor. Hoss then looks at all the cook’s tied up, in their boxers. Clowns in cook outfits watch big Hoss drag the unconscious Denny around the corner and out of sight.


    A squad car pulls up and Chief Fred Diamond steps out and shuts the door behind him. He takes a couple steps back, his eyes on the restaurant entrance. Now he opens the back right passenger’s side door. Out steps Slushie Man and Froster. Fred shuts the door behind him, pulling his gun.

    SLUSHIE MAN: Thanks for the ride, Chief… but what are we doing here?

    FRED: Right as you guys were arriving at the station to tell me about the Joker being in-town, I got a phone call from my old partner's wife. Joker has taken this place over and Officer Frampton is in trouble.

    Fred leads the hero pair across the way towards the place.

    FRED: Where's Slurpee Dude tonight?

    SLUSHIE MAN: He's working on another case.

    Froster cocks his head at Slushie Man and he leans in to whisper to Froster.

    SLUSHIE MAN (whispering): His mom won't let him leave the house until he's done his homework.

    Froster nods, trying not to laugh.


    The clown punks in cook outfits barge out through the swinging kitchen doors and all squeeze their pistols tight, now running up to nearly everyone seated, guns aimed at the guests’ heads. Even a couple of children are shown no mercy. The Australian waiter puts his hands up. Freak walks through the silent crowd.

    FREAK: Greetings from the Order, everyone! And what will be YOUR order?

    Joker steps out into the dining area, shaking his head.

    JOKER: Some people shouldn’t joke. Not…at…all.

    Hoss steps out a few feet behind Joker, with the unconscious Denny Frampton over his shoulder. We cut over to Geena, who gasps at the sight. Freak waves his arms.

    FREAK: Now everyone empty your pockets! I want jewelry, too! Every penny, and no funny business!

    Joker walks up and stands beside Freak.

    JOKER: You said a mouthful.

    FREAK: Now’s not the time, Joker.

    Freak and Joker look around as the clowns collect wallets, purses, and a few handfuls of jewelry. Suddenly the front doors burst open and everyone spins around at the sight of Fred Diamond with his gun drawn. Slushie Man and Froster rush past him and come to a halt, but with their dukes up, surely ready for a crowded fight.

    SLUSHIE MAN: Is it cold in here…

    JOKER: Don’t say it.

    SLUSHIE MAN: Or is it just me?

    Joker sighs as he puts his face in his hands, shaking it back and forth. Freak points at them.

    FREAK: Get them!

    A few of the clowns charge. Fred shoots one in the chest right away and then we watch Slushie Man and Froster leap into the air together. They land in the remaining crowd of four clowns, those of which moved on Freak’s command. Slushie Man slugs one in the mouth and this clown boy spins to the ground, spitting blood and holding his lower jaw. Froster spin-kicks another square in the chest and he soars back a couple feet, landing on his back side.

    Another clown boy starts swinging a staff around and starts running at Fred. Fred stands there and fires a bullet into his chest. We see Hoss running through the crowd, knocking a couple clowns out of the way like bowling pins. Froster slushifies, but keeps his general shape as he wraps around one of the last two punks remaining. He solidifies slightly, and this punk is trapped within Froster, his bodily impression exposed like a form of art within!

    The last clown swings his pistol at Slushie Man, who ducks once. Another swing from the clown and Slushie Man ducks again. Another evasion of a third pistol swing, when Slushie Man is fed up, and he roundhouse kicks the thug across the face. The clown drops, down and out.

    Fred fires twice more at another fast advancing punk. Two bullets embed into his chest, and a small eruption of blood exits, as the thug falls backwards. Now Hoss slaps Denny’s body to the top of an unoccupied dining table, snapping the table in half, and Denny is buried under it.

    HOSS: It’s you and me now, Fred!

    Hoss whips out a butcher’s knife.

    HOSS: And I’m gonna’ gut ya...

    Fred aims and squeezes the trigger! CLICK! The gun is empty. Fred puts the pistol away and puts up his dukes. Hoss smiles and swings the knife, Fred ducking out of the way, spinning around and JABBING Hoss in the chest. A little budge later and Hoss swings around again with the big blade, but Fred ducks and slides back to where he started, slugging Hoss in the mouth. Hoss’ head darts back and instantly returns, but with an angrier expression and a bit of blood streaming out of the mouth. Fred grins before being tackled and the two of them fall out one of the doors.


    Hoss and Fred fall to the round outside and begin rolling around as they’re at each other’s throats, and do not notice….the BATWING soaring by overhead under the full moon, sneaking out from behind the disappearing clouds.


    The crowd of guests equals a higher number then that of the thugs, so once the first few start leaping out of their seats to help the Slushie Bandits, most of the others follow and they take over. The now unarmed clown gang are driven to their knees with their hands behind their heads, and some pressed up against the wall with a gun. Freak and the Joker look about.

    FREAK: I think it’s time to go.

    Freak runs off, and Joker follows. The Joker is then pulled back, a waiter taking hold of his right arm.

    WAITER: Not so fast!

    The Joker doesn’t hesitate, giving the unruly waiter a taste of his flower acid into his face, which melts and starts burning away the skin, making the waiter scream, hunched over the table as Joker runs out after Freak. Geena screams at the top of her lungs, at the sight of the waiter; his face scalded by the acid.

    Slushie Man reaches for Joker, but Joker kicks him in the gut, and Slushie Man drops to the floor, about to heave! Froster releases the clown thug, allowing some of the guests to take him over, and spreads out into a thin layer of slushie, right into Joker's path, but before anything else could happen, Joker simply jumps over the puddle and runs out the door. Slushie Man is recovering from his pain as he stands.

    SLUSHIE MAN: Everyone seems to be okay, here. Froster? Let’s get these guys and make them hurt.

    Froster forms back into his human form.

    FROSTER: Let's.


    The Batwing soars over the town, Batman in the cockpit. He turns the plane around, witnessing the big escape below. Freak gets in the driver’s side of the U-Haul as the Joker jumps in back along with three lucky clown punks.


    Slushie Man and Froster exit the restaurant and halt at the sight of Fred on Hoss’ back, strangling him from behind with his right forearm. Hoss spins around, just before throwing Fred over himself. Fred slams into his police cruiser windshield, causing spider web-cracks to form all over it. Hoss runs to the idling U-Haul, while the Batwing soars overhead again. Slushie Man and Froster are too busy running towards the U-Haul to notice, but then the U-haul truck takes off. Slushie Man and Froster stop on the spot, and then turn and rush toward the police cruiser. They pull Fred slowly off the top and he sighs, shaking himself off. He hands them the keys.

    FRED: Don’t wait up. I've got some work to do here.

    Slushie Man nods as Froster takes the keys and jumps behind the wheel. As Fred rushes back into the restaurant, Slushie Man aims with one of his shooters and fires some hardened slushie material, shattering the rest of the window as it's easier to see with no window then one as cracked as it was. Slushie Man jumps into the passenger side.

    SLUSHIE MAN: You drive.

    Froster backs the car up as the sirens flash on. The car spins away, finally after the convict truck.


    Fred steps through the subdued clown crowd and pulls out his radio, walking up to a dead waiter on the floor.

    FRED: Police assistance at Egan's Restaurant, immediately. This is Chief Diamond.

    He puts the radio away, and kneels down, checking the pulse on a customer. Genna pokes her head up from behind an over-turned table.

    GEENA: Fred?

    Fred looks over at her and stands up, rushing to her.

    FRED: Geena! Are you okay?

    Genna nods, but she's shaking with nervousness.

    FRED: Where’s Denny?

    The two look around, and watch Denny stumble over to them.

    DENNY: Last time I eat here...

    The others look at him, dumbfounded, as “Stone Cold Fever” by Humble Pie starts to play and plays over the next few scenes.


    The U-Haul drives by outside the abandoned two-story building, the Sun and Moon joint that Joker first met Freak in at the very beginning. We watch the U-Haul truck pull up to this place a second time, but it drives into the alleyway.


    Behind the wheel, Freak pulls up a remote. He presses one of four buttons and the dead-end wall lowers into the ground, and the truck drives into the back area where a train track lays before them, going downwards into a tunnel.


    The Batwing soars over head, Batman glancing downwards. The Sun and Moon joint raises out of the ground, much taller than before; now six stories instead of two, with miniguns attached to the sides, which pull up from their indent homes. They target the circling Batwing and open fire. The plane dips to one side, dodging one string of bullets, and then dips to the other side, dodging another. Left, right, left, right, up and down, and now directly up into the sky, the plane goes.


    The police cruiser with sirens blaring, speeds along, and immediately turns into a gate, breaking it down and driving along, just evading the view of the attack house.


    With Froster behind the wheel, Slushie Man is rolling down the passenger side window and checking his wrist shooters.

    FROSTER: Hey, that building is shooting into the air!

    Slushie Man pokes his head out the window and glances up.


    The police cruiser slides in to the area, speeding at the truck as three clowns get out of the back. Slushie Man blasts two of them with little ball-shaped hard slushie, knocking them down, before firing white slushie and sticking them to the ground. The third opens fire three times with his pistol, as the car comes up to a quick stop, slamming into the thug and breaking legs at the knee.

    A scream later and the two heroes get leap out of the car. Freak and the Joker are now seen escaping out the driver’s side of the truck and Slushie Man and Froster then turn their heads left at the sight of the Sun and Moon joint cease gunfire. The building begins to tremble as fire rises from it and the Batwing comes crashing through the flames, taking out a corner of the building, showering debris down. Slushie Man takes hold Froster and the two evade as the Batwing smashes into the ground and an explosion destroys it with a deafening boom.

    The song ends as Freak makes a run for it, but the Joker watches Batman swing down from another building, on his grapple line. He had not been in the Batwing when it crashed!

    JOKER: Batman?!

    Batman kicks Joker to the ground, and swings around before spreading his cape. He glides down onto the train tracks and looks all around, with no sign of the gang leader. Slushie Man and Froster come running around the flaming wreckage and stare in awe at Batman. Batman steps up to Joker, who is nearly quivering in fear.

    BATMAN: Make your choice, Joker. You know it can only end…

    JOKER (interrupting): I give up.

    BATMAN (in shock) You…do?

    JOKER: I’ve lived this life too long. I want a peaceful life with Harley.

    Batman stares in shock. Slushie Man and Froster step in.

    SLUSHIE MAN: Wow, it’s an honor to meet you, Batman, and we'd love to stay and chat, but we’ve still got business to take care of.

    BATMAN: Go. I've got this one handled.

    Slushie Man nods and runs down the tracks, chasing after Freak. Froster stands there next to Batman with a smile. The Joker suddenly grins and then steps out of the way so...HOSS can jump forward and tackle Batman to the ground. Joker looks at Froster, as he backs towards the U-Haul.

    Batman kicks Hoss in the chest, and off of him. Batman jumps up and chucks a batarang Hoss’ way, but Hoss grabs it, breaking it with his right hand. Batman looks down as it falls to pieces to the ground.


    Slushie Man is still running alongside the tracks, chasing Freak. Suddenly, in the opposite direction, a train’s light shines. It’s making its way to this yard surrounding the track.


    The Sun and Moon joint, where the fire is eating away at it all, begins to tip over.


    Batman glides into Hoss, who spins Batman around and slams him on the ground. Batman lifts a leg, kicking Hoss under the chin, but Hoss moves back and Batman twirls into a right forearm slap against Hoss’ face. Hoss goes spinning around, just before getting punched square in the nose. He arches back, about to fall and Batman smiles. Not far away, Froster grabs Joker by the arms.

    FROSTER: Watch out!

    Froster jumps out of the way with the Joker in his grasp as Batman looks up to the Sun and Moon joint collapsing down on them. Batman whips around to see Hoss about to stab him with a butcher’s knife. With lightning reflexes, Batman twists the knife-wielding hand around and Hoss screams, dropping the knife. Batman now tackles Hoss off the tracks and out away as the burning building tips into the yard.


    Slushie Man and Freak both stop immediately as they see the train lights approaching. Slushie Man is in shock, but lets Freak continue in his getaway.

    SLUSHIE MAN: Damn it...

    Slushie Man turns and runs back the way he just came from, letting Freak go. He breaks into a run, hoping to get back to the train yard before the train reaches him.


    The train is approaching quickly and the middle-aged male conductor tries to stop the locomotive as he sees the people on the track, but the break system is barely beginning to slow the train down.


    Slushie Man is running along the tracks, almost at the platform when he looks back and sees the train almost on him. He grunts and jumps off the tracks to the side, and rolls along the rough sand-covered ground, evading the rushing train by mere seconds.


    The shattered Batwing is half covered by the building's falling debris. Joker’s U-haul truck is suddenly crushed by a large piece of debris as it crashes into the truck. Batman, Froster, and Joker step quickly around the carnage; it’s all a burning mess. Batman looks at Hoss, who is stumbling away from the carnage, and spreads his cape, gliding over to him, when Hoss spots this. Hoss brings back his left arm and knocks the Bat down into a roll. Hoss then stumbles onto the track to get away, but looks up and stares at the train coming his way, and screams. Horn blowing loud, the locomotive slams into Hoss and he's gone in the blink of an eye. The train screeches to a halt just a few feet from a pile of burning wreckage and debris.

    Batman cuffs the Joker, using his obvious Batcuffs. The Joker is led away, annoyed. He glances at the Batwing's wreckage burning away.

    JOKER: I sure hope you brought the Batmobile too...

    Froster shakes Batman's hand.

    FROSTER: Thanks for the help, Batman.

    BATMAN: This maniac is my mess, and I clean my messes up, even if they are in another part of the world. Never forget what being a hero is about, Froster.

    FROSTER: You know my name?

    BATMAN: Of course I do…I’m the Batman.

    Batman walks over the debris, leading Joker into the street, where the Batmobile drives on its own and screeches to a stop in front of Batman. Froster watches Batman put the Joker in and climbs in himself. Slushie Man walks up and joins Froster in watching.

    SLUSHIE MAN: Well that was one hell of a show.

    The top closes overtop of the Batmobile, cutting their view off. Without warning it speeds off and disappears around the corner.

    FOSTER: Indeed it was.

    Fort St. John citizens start crowding around in both fear and wonder, fire truck sirens approaching quickly from the distance. Slushie Man turns back to the train sitting on the tracks.

    SLUSHIE MAN: We should check that train.


    Freak pulls a crowbar and sinks it into the back of the conductor’s skull. The conductor is then swung away and Freak takes the controls.


    The train starts up again and begins its departure, slowly pushing through the small amount of wreckage on the tracks. Pan back to Slushie Man and Froster stopping at the edge of the yard. Froster frowns and Slushie Man shakes his head once.

    SLUSHIE MAN: They must be ok if they're leaving already.

    FROSTER: Come on, let's go home.


    Karsen is sitting at the table, working on his homework, with Amber sitting next to him, also working on the project. There is a sheet of bristleboard half-filled out in front of them on the table.

    KARSEN: How many times do I have to say it? We can't put that down on the board, cause it doesn't really have anything to do with what our topic is!

    Amber stands up, gathering her stuff up. Karsen shifts his lips to the left and now looks as if he’s about to apologize.

    AMBER: I'm going home. Finish the damn project yourself.

    Amber walks to the entryway, puts on her shoes, and leaves, slamming the door shut. Karsen sighs, but just as he does, the phone rings. He walks over to it and picks it up.

    KARSEN: Hello?

    DANE (v.o.) Yo!

    KARSEN: Dane?

    DANE (v.o.): We met Batman!


    'So Close' by Jon McLaughlin begins to play. Jeff and Sonum are having a stroll in the park. Street lights on nearby, shining down on them. The stars brighten the sky and the moon shines, fully-formed in a perfect circle.

    JEFF: This is such a great night.

    SONUM: It really is. The stars are beautiful tonight.

    Jeff looks at Sonum.

    JEFF: They can't compare to the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

    Sonum looks at Jeff and forces a smile before looking away again.

    JEFF: I'm glad you called, although sorry I wasn't home when you did. I was out with Dane. So what's up, couldn't sleep?

    SONUM: Jeff, there's something I need to tell you, and I wanted to tell you in person.

    JEFF: I guess we both had the same idea tonight then. You go first.

    Sonum looks at the ground as they walk, not able to bring herself to look at Jeff.

    SONUM: I'm sorry, but...I’ve got a boyfriend now.

    Jeff stops on the spot, unable to reply. Sonum glances at Jeff and watches his expression change from mild excitement to simply a dull look. Jeff opens his mouth to speak, but closes it again for a few seconds, before finally speaking.

    JEFF: I'm...happy...for you.

    SONUM: Jeff, I know you have feelings for me, but we’ve been through before. I just...Me and you...we just can't ever be. We're from two different worlds. I want us to be friends, and that’s not so bad. Friends generally last longer then relationships do anyway.

    JEFF: Well it's your choice. I’m not about to tell you what to do with your life - your relationships. It’s not my place.

    SONUM: Why would it be?

    JEFF: Let’s just stop by that 24-hour ice cream place, and then I’ll walk you home.

    The two move off the sidewalk and across the shadowy short grass. As they walk, we can see Jeff growing nervous. He stops, pulling Sonum gently towards him, face to face.

    JEFF: I want to make this clear, so there's no misunderstandings between us. I… just…(long pause) I just want to say I don’t like you the same way I did when I first told you that. I… I think I…

    SONUM (stern and scared): You what?

    JEFF: I…I lo…

    Sonum raises her eyebrows, waiting for an answer.

    JEFF: I...(pause) don't have feelings for you anymore.

    We can tell Jeff is totally lying and that really wasn't what he was going to say. Sonum smiles. Sonum seems to be disappointed, if anything.

    SONUM: Oh...well that's good, isn't it?

    JEFF: Uh, yeah...yeah it is.

    Sonum smiles at him and turns, continuing to walk across the grass. Jeff is only a step behind her, but he looks on sadly. They step past the sidewalk and across the street we pan away from them now and up towards the sky. They get smaller and smaller as they head towards the only building in sight with its lights on; the Ice Cream Parlor. Jeff and Sonum enter as we pan up to the starry sky.

    End credits roll.

    The Slushie Bandits
    Episode 6: Make a Joker Out of You
    Written by: Brandon Keith
    Produced by: Jeffrey Long
    Creative Consultants: Jeffrey Long and Michael Banno

    6/25/2008 1:50:12 PM

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