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    #185
    In "The Naked Gun 33 1/3", the Academy awards sequence fetures a JP spoof called "Geriatric Park". A scene shows a Grant-type going up against a 3-story grandpa, only to be crushed by a giant walker. (From: 'Ianspino')
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    Dan's Page: Kill All Zombies (Part 1)
    By Aragorn

    JL Productions…

    Cameron was walking alone down a dark street at night. He stepped in a puddle and moaned as he shook his foot dry.

    And ‘Dan Adventures’ Players…

    Cameron continued walking down the street. He heard a slight moan. He stopped and started looking around.

    Presents…

    Cameron backtracked and looked down an ally. “Hello?” he called out. The moaning turned to a growl and his eyes darted to a garbage bin. There were glowing eyes coming from it. Suddenly a zombie shuffled out. It roared, showing its sharp teeth. Cameron turned and ran away screaming like a girl.

    DAN’S PAGE: KILL ALL ZOMBIES

    ***

    Three hours before…

    High above Dan’s JP3 Page, a space station sat in space. Two Astronauts stood around the outside of it, trying to make some external repairs.

    “Hey Gentry, why do we have to do these repairs anyway?” A third Astronaut asked as he exited a door and walked out onto the top of the station.

    “Because Snore, our communications to the Site are down.” Gentry explained. “We need to get it up and running again before the Flooders launch another attack. If they are sighted now, with our communications down, we’ll have to way to warn the site. Hey Cyros, hand me that welder.”

    But Cyros was not paying attention. His gaze was set on a glowing object flying through space, headed right in their direction.

    “Cyros?” Gentry and Snore turned to look at him, and they too notice the object.

    “What the hell is that?” Snore asked.

    “Beats me.” Gentry answered.

    “It’s, uh, headed this way…” Cyros finally spoke up.

    “Let me see…” Gentry held up his arm and activated a small screen on a control panel located on the sleeve of his space suit. He entered in some information and a small diagram appeared, estimating the most probable trajectory. It showed it colliding dead on with the station. T Minus 3 minutes.

    “Move your asses!” Gentry shouted. “We got 3 minutes to evacuate!”

    “So I guess this means we won’t be fixing the communications?” Snore asked.

    “Fucking move!” Gentry shouted at him.

    The three took off running back to the door. Gentry pushed the button to open the door, but it wouldn’t open. Gentry looked at the button and pushed it again. Same result.

    “What the hell is wrong with the door?”

    “Oh, that…” Dino-Snore spoke up. “Sorry.”

    Gentry turned to look at him, angrily. “What do you mean, ‘sorry’?”

    “Well you see, one my way out my gum lost it’s flavor, but there was no garbage around, so I just stuck it on the wall. But maybe it wasn’t the wall…”

    Cyros also turned to Snore. “You got anymore left?”

    “Yeah, back in my quarters. I can get you some when…”

    “AHHHHHHH!” Gentry shouted. I’m surrounded by idiots!” he turned and started running over the top of the station, getting further away from his two comrades.

    “Hey, you’re going the wrong way!” Snore shouted at him. “The door to inside is over here!”

    “God, Deliver me from them!” Gentry shouted as he jumped off the edge of station and started floating through space. Unfortunately, it was in the same direction as the speeding glowing object. He didn’t last much longer after that.

    “Did he know that all he had to do to get inside is go to the second door over there?” Cyros pointed to another door about three feet away.

    Dino-Snore turned and saw the object much clearer now. It was an Asteroid with the symbol of the Flooders on it. It was just about to hit the station. “Jump!” Dino-Snore turned and jumped off the side of the station, but Cyros, not knowing what Snore meant, jumped straight up.

    The asteroid slammed into the station, destroying it and Cyros in a matter of seconds. The explosion gave Dino-Snore a lot more momentum as he continued down to the Site below. The Asteroid was not far behind.

    ***

    Snore was falling through the skies of Dan’s JP3 Page, hoping to land in an ocean or at the very least, on a trampoline. However, a plane was flying by and Dino-Snore was smacked up against the windshield as it flew right into him.

    ***

    The asteroid plummeted down and slammed into a remote part of Dan’s JP3 Page. It engulfed that entire section of the site as it shot out an invisible shockwave.

    ***

    That evening, Cameron was walking alone down a dark street at night. He stepped in a puddle and moaned as he shook his foot dry. He continued walking down the street. He heard a slight moan. He stopped and started looking around.

    He backtracked and looked down an ally. “Hello?” he called out. The moaning turned to a growl and his eyes darted to a garbage bin. There were glowing eyes coming from it. Suddenly a zombie shuffled out. It roared, showing its sharp teeth. Cameron turned and ran away screaming like a girl.

    An old red pickup screeched to a stop right in front of him, nearly running him over. Guilty Spark is behind the wheel. “Well don’t just stand there, get in! We’re under attack!”

    Cameron scrambles to the passenger side door and gets in. Guilty Spark zooms away. “I’m heading for my cabin in the country. You’re welcome to join me if you want, or I can just let you off anywhere you want along the way.”

    “What’s happening?” Cameron asked, ignoring Guilty Spark.

    “No one knows. But the dead are returning to life. And anyone bitten by them are also turned into one of them. The city is in chaos. Where have you been for the past couple hours?”

    “The opera.”

    Guilty Spark looks at Cameron with a dumbfounded look.

    “Watch out!” Cameron shouted. Guilty Spark looked ahead again, but it was too late. They slammed right into another member of the site. The pickup screeches to a stop.

    “Is he dead?” Guilty Spark asked.

    “I don’t know. Get out and see.”

    “Are you crazy? You get out and see!”

    “You’re the one that hit him!”

    “It’s my car and my rules!”

    “Flip you for it?” Cameron asked.

    “Ok.” Guilty Spark reached into his pocket and took out a quarter. “Heads I stay, Tails you go.”

    “Ok.”

    Guilty Spark flipped the coin in the air. He caught it and showed it to Cameron. “It’s heads.”

    “Damn it. It was a close call though.” Cameron opened the door and got out of the vehicle. He started walking towards the body. Once he reached it, he lightly kicked it. “Are you ok?”

    Nothing. He kicked it a bit harder. Still nothing. He brought his foot back, prepared to kick it as hard as he could. He swung his foot forward, but right before it connected with the body’s head, the body sat up. Cameron’s foot missed, causing him to loose his balance and fall backward.

    The body turned and looked at him. It’s eyes glowed and saliva dripped from it’s mouth. The zombie grabbed Cameron’s leg and started pulling him towards it. Cameron screamed like a girl as the Zombie leaned in and took a huge bite out of Cameron’s leg. It started climbing up his body, heading for his head.

    Guilty Spark made a disgusted face. “Ick.” He turned back around and drove off, leaving Cameron to his fate.

    2/3/2005 1:52:13 PM
    (Updated: 2/3/2005 2:02:10 PM)

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