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Kevin Allen’s Muldoon:The Safari
By Mr. Chaos
(Note: The following story deals with the life of Robert Muldoon before he came to Jurassic park. This is not a spoof. Also note, I base this on the idea that Richard Levine from The Lost World was 33 or older, I can not find his age.)
The sun rose over the plains in the wee hours of the morning. The trees cast long shadows upon the ground, stretching out towards the visitors. A herd of elephants walked across the grassland, silhouetted against the morning rays. A lion yawned, a bird chirped.
Robert Muldoon looked at all of this with slight awe. He knew how rare a scene like this took place. To look at it was to feel as if you were seeing a scene from a movie.
“This,” He said, looking at the group of people gathered in front of him, “is what we like to think of when we imagine Africa.”
He hit a button, and the scene disappeared. “Now forget about it.”
Robert looked at the people around him. “Yuppies.” He though bitterly. Dentists and doctors, who had decided to that Africa, was the in thing this year. It didn’t matter if they had never even been in a tent before, if Biff and Buffy had done it, God knows they had too.
And it wasn’t the attitude that really mattered to him. It was the misconceptions that drove him up the wall. If he had a pound for every rich accountant that had asked him if they would be seeing any tigers that day, he would have enough to be sitting where they were now.
“That scene is a fantasy, something an artist created. The savanna is nothing like that. It is harsh wilderness. If you don’t treat it with the respect it deserves, you may not come out of it alive.”
The tourists shifted nervously in their seats. He smiled to himself. “Good.” He thought, nodding his head slightly, “That got their attention.” He had more than once received lectures from the higher ups because some pip squeak complained he had scare them a little to much. Muldoon hated higher ups. The only thing they wanted was for more tourists to visit the reserve. Muldoon didn’t get into this line of work to get tourists into a park so some tycoon could have more money to spend toys. He had come here to show people the wild and maybe teach them to respect it too.
He looked back at the crowd. “All right, we will be going out into the reserve at dawn, going 2-4 people with a guide. You will receive your tour info in the morning. Get some rest, and be ready to leave at 5 am.”
Muldoon looked at his watch. A quarter to 6. They had 5 more minutes, and he was going to head to his room for a little peace and quiet.
He had gotten up with the rest of the guides at 4 in the morning to check gear and to make sure everything was in order. Then they had waited for the groggy yuppies to come stumbling up to the garage, and then look confused when asked what vehicle they would be riding in. Most had not even bothered to look at the card hanging on the doorknob, telling them all this. Then they would stumble back to their room, complaining about how the guides should know this. Well, of course the guides knew all the information, but if they just told the tourist, they would never learn.
It had gotten so bad with the guest that the guides had resorted to telling them they leave at 5 when they really left at 5:15. That way, even the late people wouldn’t be late, and the really late people would only be a few minutes off.
But this was ridiculous. It was now a half an hour past when they should have been leaving. He was about to loss it. The least they could have done is called up and said they weren’t coming, but no, they decided that the paid help didn’t need vital information like that.
Muldoon was just about to head back and get something to eat when he heard the sound of two people walking down the stairs to the garage. “Crap.” Muldoon thought, “So close.”
In walked a couple, roughly in their late forties to mid fifties. They were dressed in the best safari gear money could buy. The man was slightly balding, but what remained was dyed black. He had a long face with pointed chin, sharp nose and piercing eyes. The woman had blonde hair, high check bones and wore way too much makeup. Muldoon looked at them. The woman stared right back
“Listen, it is impolite to make a woman wake up at a these early in the morning. The animals will still be there.”
“Yes, and there isn’t even anyone here yet.” Her husband replied.
“They all ready left.”
“Oh well, if they all want to go running around the jungle with no makeup and bags under their eyes, it’s their own business.”
Muldoon restrained himself from correcting her and just headed over to the vehicle. “Well, Mr. and Mrs. Levine, I guess we will have to make up for lost time.”
“You better, I spent a lot of money to see these animals, and you better not screw anything up.”
Muldoon gritted his teeth and drove out of the garage.
“This is boring.”
Muldoon had heard this for the last 20 minutes. They had drove around, and looked at baboons, elephants and warthogs. Each time the Levines had seen these animals, they had said it was boring and asked him to take them to the good animals. Yea, that's what he was doing, he was just showing them the bad animals, he kept the good animals in back.
“This is what happens during the day. The animals sleep most of the daytime hours and move during the night. His is why we like to try and leave at dawn.”
He looked over at the couple. The wife was looking at her self in a mirror while the husband griped about waste of money or something like that. Why did he always end up with the worst tourists?
“Well, we are coming up on a herd of zebra, maybe that will be a bit more interesting.” He said as he pulled the jeep to a stop. The couple glanced out, then went back to their own thoughts, however shallow they be. Muldoon sighed, and put the jeep in drive. But before he could start, the wife let out a scream.
“What is it now.” He thought. “Probably a chipped nail.”
“Sir, those lions are about to kill that baby horse!”
Muldoon looked out, and sure enough, A group of lions had broken of a baby zebra from the herd. They were ready to make a kill to.
“Do something!” Mr. Levin shouted.
“Like what?” Muldoon said.
“Shoot it!”
Muldoon sighed, and grabbed his rifle. He looked through the scope, and sighted the head lion. He knew one shoot at her would cuss the rest to fall back. He took aim and shoot.
“Miss.”
The Levines looked on with horror as the lions feasted on the carcass. The wife didn’t even notice that she had dropped her mirror. “Good way to end a safari.” Muldoon though as he drove away.
Later that day, Muldoon walked outside the shooting range the hotel had. He picked up his gun, and targeted a point, roughly the same distance he had been from the lion. He pulled the trigger. BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, and BANG. 5 shots, 5 perfect hits. He heard his own voice say, The Savanna is harsh wilderness. If you don’t treat it with the respect it deserves, you may not come out of it alive.” He sighed, put away the gun, and walked back to his room.
7/19/2002 10:02:47 AM
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