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Suddenly Memories: Doom
By Dac
Data stood with his arms folded, glaring down at the man in front of him. Doom was seated on the floor, leaning against the wall, looking up at Data with the barest hint of a defiant grin. Data’s face was stony as he scowled at Doom, but Doom merely stared straight back, his face just as fixed.
“Maybe we should go over the from the beginning,” said Data finally. “When exactly did all this start?”
“All what?” asked Doom innocently. “All the shit I deal with, or all the stuff I dish out in return?”
“Don’t play games with me,” snapped Data. “I’m not in the mood. Thanks to you I’ve got half my Guardsmen in the infirmary and a small portion of this building has been reduced to waste. If you act like a smartass I’ll have you bottled and sold in a 7-11. Now cut the crap and tell me what the hell this is all about.”
Doom smiled in full and sat up straight.
“That would be a few months ago,” he said. “Before we took on the Old Guard. Remember how you sent me and Celtic and a few grunts to deal with some Canadian soldiers out in the woods?”
“Yes.”
“Celtic got the ball rolling, I guess,” Doom said. His smile never left his face, but it seemed to be straining.
***
The soldiers were doubled over in pain as Celtic focused on them intently. They all screamed with pain. One kecked up the contents of his stomach as he keeled over and fell, his face landing in his own vomit. Celtic moved forward slowly, his face frozen with concentration, as the small group of soldiers flopped around in agony. Doom stood slightly back from him with Data’s own soldiers. He flicked them the thumbs up and folded his arms, watching as Celtic advanced on them. Data’s men moved forward quickly and started slapping handcuffs on them, and one by one Celtic relinquished his grip on them.
“Gentlemen,” he said. “You are found to be criminals and as such your sorry asses are about to be deported. Take your time to say your goodbyes to each-”
A gunshot rang out and one of Data’s men screamed in pain, falling to one knee. The others all spun, weapons in hand, but Celtic and Doom merely looked over in bored confusion. A man sprinted away through the trees, running as fast as he could.
“I think you missed one,” said Doom, and swiftly he dived into the trees, liquefying as he did. The puddle shot across the ground with shocking speed, coming up behind the fleeing man. A watery face appeared in the liquid and gave a silent laugh as the liquid shot up and slammed into the man’s back, knocking him to the ground. Doom reformed from the water and gave the man a hard slap to the face, his hand exploding into water in the process. He reformed it and slapped again, with the same result. He gave a cackle when all of a sudden he felt like his head was about to explode. Yelping with pain he grabbed at his skull and fell to his knees.
“Damn it, Celtic!” he howled. “Turn it off, it’s me! The other guy’s on the ground!”
Celtic burst through the trees, his brow furrowed.
“Whoops,” he said snidely, and the pain lifted from Doom’s head. The man on the ground next to him, struggling to get to his feet, began to spasm and fell to the ground again. Doom gave Celtic a furious stare.
“You fucking idiot,” he snapped. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“You were in the way,” said Celtic. “Deal with it.”
Before Doom could say anything else, one of Data’s soldiers appeared through the trees with a pair of handcuffs. He slapped them on the almost-comatose man and carried him back through the trees. Celtic followed casually. Doom stood still, giving Celtic’s retreating back a furious death glare, until finally his eyes narrowed and he followed.
***
“So let me get this straight,” said Data. “You risked getting on Celtic’s bad side because you had a hissy fit over something he’s done to just about everyone at some point.”
“I don’t like my teammates taking me for granted,” said Doom flatly. “If they’re going to dish it out, they better be prepared to take it.”
“Is that what you dished out to him?” asked Data. “What did you do in retaliation?”
***
The door stood silent beneath the building. Behind it lay Celtic’s makeshift office, a room few people had the keys to enter and fewer people the desire. It lay undisturbed for a long time, only ever being opened when Celtic himself was around. No one really like to look at it much and avoided walking past it wherever possible.
As such, Doom had relative ease sliding out from underneath it unnoticed, solidifying as he stood back up. Brushing himself off he slipped into the shadows and up the stairs, waiting silently.
He had timed it well. It was only about ten minutes before Celtic returned, walking up from the other end of the corridor. Doom smirked in the shadows as he heard the bolts being drawn and the door swung open.
“What the fuck?!” came the roar. Doom let out a giddy, high-pitched laugh and dashed up the stairs. He heard Celtic sprinting after him, but he leapt out a nearby window and dropped harmlessly to the ground, slithering away as a puddle of water. Celtic bellowed furiously at him from the window, but Doom simply laughed as he made good his escape.
***
“So you trashed his area,” said Data coldly.
“Yeah,” replied Doom casually. “We’ve been going back and forth a bit since, when he has a lapse in sense and does something to shit me, so I give him a bit of shit in return. He wants to bite, I’ll bite right back. The same goes for any of these bastards. If they act like we’re on a team, I’ll treat them like we’re on a team. If they want to act like fucking morons, then I’ll treat them like fucking morons.”
Data said nothing, staring at the seated, dripping Guardsman as though he were dog shit smeared on the bottom of a shoe.
“And the others?” he said finally.
“Ragin was next,” said Doom. “He’s in charge of a lot of missions, he seems to think that makes him better than the rest of us. One time we were out on a mission in the city, a couple of months after the Old Guard thing...”
“Was that the downtown riot?”
“Yeah, that was it. We were trying to put a cap on that pretty quick, but it got out of hand when some idiots in the crowd near my area let loose with a couple of guns they had.”
“That was in your report,” recalled Data. “Two hero hunters killed. Ragin was grazed by a bullet. So what?”
“Well,” said Doom, deliberating the word. “Ragin didn’t put everything in the report.”
***
“You idiot!” roared Ragin. “You fucking stupid piece of shit! Do you have any idea how close that came to blowing up in our faces?”
“How the fuck was I supposed to know he had a gun?” demanded Doom. “What do you think my power is? X-Ray vision?”
“I expect you to be able to react accordingly when he pulls it out for everyone to see!” shot back Ragin. “We have two dead men now because you were too slow to stop him firing that thing! Two dead men! That’s on you, Doom!”
“Oh, bullshit,” snapped Doom irritably. “You don’t give a rat’s ass about them, you’re just pissed a bullet went near you. Near you, for Christ’s sake! It barely even touched you, but here you are acting like you were almost fucking executed at gunpoint. Get over it!”
“Watch your mouth!” snarled Ragin. “This is on you. You fucked this up, you can deal with the fallout.”
Ragin spun on his heel and stormed off. Doom stared furiously after him. Nearby, the other Guardsmen watched with varying degrees of interest. Brodie and Elite exchanged a bemused look. DarthJ3sus rolled his eyes. Marksman shook his head. Doom glared at them all.
“What the fuck are you staring at?” he snapped. The others all gave him noncommittal glances and walked out. Doom was left alone in the dining hall, fuming silently. After a moment’s pause, he walked out and into the bathroom, running his hands under the tap and feeling the water drawn to him.
He heard a familiar cough behind him. Looking in the mirror, he saw one of the cubicle doors was locked.
There wasn’t even a moment’s hesitation. Doom turned, walked calmly and silently into another cubicle and stepped into the bowl. He travelled through the U-bend and slowly emerged into the occupied stall. With explosive force he propelled himself out of the bowl, drenching Ragin in discoloured water and faecal matter. Pausing long enough to laugh maniacally at Ragin, who was crying out in shock and disgust, Doom dived back into the toilet and swam away.
***
Data stared, his face white with revulsion.
“That might be the most disgusting thing I’ve ever heard,” he said.
“It was worth it,” said Doom. “Now Ragin always thinks twice before giving me shit. That’s more than I can say about the others.”
Data shook his head. “You deserve what you got,” he muttered.
Doom continued on, unaware Data had spoken. “So that’s why Celtic and Ragin lost it. I still trade barbs with Ragin, but yeah, he’s a lot less frequent than Celtic. He learns quicker, at least.”
“And the others?” asked Data.
“Oh, Proto’s still sour just because I gave him a little hazing of the rookie,” grinned Doom. “In my defence, he was being a little shit.”
***
The three Protos sat at a table, eagerly digging into their food. One of them was stuffing his face with spaghetti, one had a pair of hot dogs and the third was tucking into a steak. All three of them were eating like pigs.
“Just like I used to get back home,” grinned one of them, holding up a fork with a piece of meat on it. “You guys gotta try this.”
“Next time,” said another, gesturing at his pasta. “I’m too busy with this. This is good shit.”
“You don’t know what you’re missing,” insisted the first. “This is the best damn steak I’ve ever had. No joke.”
“I don’t feel like a steak,” said the other. “This is fine. This is all I need.”
The two of them bickered back and forth. The third simply tore apart his hot dogs, blissfully unaware of the conversation occurring on either side of him. It had been too long since any of them had eaten well, and he wasn’t about to let anything interrupt him.
“Hey, do you hear that?” he asked suddenly.
The other two fell silent and listened. Sure enough there was a sound, barely audible, coming from the roof. It was an odd hissing, grinding noise, like a pump being operated. Before any of them could respond, the sprinklers suddenly erupted and water sprayed everywhere, blanketing the cafeteria. All three cried out in dismay, staring at their waterlogged food. One took a bite of his hot dog and promptly spat it out in disgust. All three gaped openly at their ruined meals, when a shape began to form on the table. Doom stood up, folded his arms and surveyed the damage. Looking down at the trio, he laughed, stepped down and walked away. The three of them watched him go, stunned.
***
“Oh right,” said Data. “I’d forgotten that. You had to be a bastard to the new additions on the team, didn’t you?”
“As I said, they were being shits,” said Doom. “They were laughing at my name, when we were all introduced. My name. I mean, sure, I’ve got the name of a comic book character but who gives a flying fuck? What’s that to them? His name isn’t even a fucking word, he just threw sounds into a blender. What gives them the right to laugh about mine?”
“Bitch to me later,” said Data idly. “I don’t care about your half-assed excuses. Is that everyone you managed to piss off?”
“No, there was one more,” said Doom. “Our little friend who just joined up a couple of weeks ago, acts like she owns the place and throws her weight around. Ren.”
***
Ren sat in her room, thumbing her way through a book. She’d just gotten back from scouring the city and was exhausted from the effort. The old bases she knew the Family and the Rogues had inhabited were deserted, so she spent her time slinking around the old subway tunnels, searching for signs of life. She hadn’t spotted any yet, but she knew she was bound to. The others were out there somewhere. All she had to do was find them and alleviate any fears that she was dead. As yet they didn’t know she wasn’t, and she couldn’t wait to see the looks on their faces.
A drop of water landed on the page. She looked up, surprised. Was there a leak coming from her light bulb?
A sudden deluge out of the socket suddenly drenched her. The bulb shattered and everything went darker, lit only by the setting sun through the window. Ren cried out, startled, and brushed broken glass from her shoulders. As she did, the water formed itself into a person, and Doom stood there, grinning like a lunatic.
“Hey look,” he smirked. “I got you wet.”
There was a single moment of stunned silence.
“You son of a bitch!” she snarled, launching herself at him. He smiled calmly and liquefied, dropping to the floor and rapidly slithering out under the door. She yelled furiously at the escaping puddle. “Oh no you fucking don’t!”
She erupted into a cloud of gas and seeped out after him. In the corridor, DarthJ3sus was walking past and stared blankly at the gas chasing the water. The pair of them shot past, ignoring him as he stared in bewilderment. Doom slid into the auxiliary shower room and into a nearby tap. She shot after him, fuelled by black fury, and followed him through a series of pipes when she suddenly emerged into a water tank. She swung her attention this way and that, but there was no sign of Doom. The little bastard was nowhere to be seen.
In the kitchen he slid out of the drain and reformed himself.
“What are you looking at?” he said to a startled cook, and walked calmly out the door.
***
“Is that everyone?” asked Data.
“That’s how all four of them started getting pissed at me, yeah,” said Doom. “If Ren ever tries to get me back I can deal it out in spades, there’s nothing much she can do to me. The Protos just limit themselves to name-calling and petty remarks, but they always cool off every time their water canteen cracks and I walk out of it, or their drink erupts in their face.”
Data placed his palm over his forehead, groaning in exasperation. “So after all of these little dig wars, did you honestly expect they wouldn’t eventually do what they did today?”
“Oh no, I expected it,” said Doom. “Hell, I knew it was coming and I knew it’d be soon. All four of them, or seven, have been giving me dirty looks. I think Ren was the straw that broke everyone else’s camel’s backs. She’s been talking about getting me back ever since the first time, and the others all got on her side about that. I expected them, I just didn’t expect it to end the way it did.”
***
Doom strolled down the corridor towards the cafeteria, looking forward to a burger and fries. The day had been pretty average, simply tightening patrols and the like, but there had been rumours flying around that the Family’s position had been targeted and everyone was getting ready to move, in case there was some action.
He turned the corner and was brought up short.
Celtic, Ragin, Ren and the three Protos blocked his way, their expressions holding nothing but contempt. He looked back and forth between them, blinking.
“Happy birthday to me?” he said.
The Protos slowly circled him until he was completely enclosed. The others continued standing silently, glaring at him. He shrugged.
“Ah come on,” he said flippantly. “Can’t we do this after dinner?”
His head suddenly exploded with pain and he staggered as Celtic’s face hardened. Doom gave a yell of pain and anger as the others closed in. He fell to his knees and grabbed his head.
“We’ve tried to be fair,” said Ragin. “But you just don’t know when to quit, do you?”
Doom stopped moving. He lifted his head and stared at them. He wore the most maniacal grin any of them had ever seen on him, made even worse by his foul, bloodshot eyes. To everyone’s surprise, he threw back his head and howled with laughter racked by pain.
“I don’t know when to quit?” he snapped gleefully, teeth gritted.
He suddenly launched himself at Celtic, his body liquefying as he hit him full in the face. Celtic fell backwards and began to choke, his face going red as his eyes flew wide in panic. One of the Protos thumped him on the back, but the water did not come out. The others stared in horror as Celtic tried to stand and fell over, going purple. His eyes rolled back in his head and he slumped over, unconscious. Doom reappeared in the circle as Proto attempted to give Celtic CPR. He smirked and cracked his knuckles.
“I could be wrong,” he said. “But I’m pretty sure he was the only one of you idiots who can actually hurt me. So let’s see...who’s next? Eanie...meanie...minie...”
Ragin all but leapt towards him.
“Moe.”
Doom liquefied himself and Ragin fell through him, lost his footing and dropped to the ground. Doom reappeared and slammed a watery fist into his face before driving a very much solid knee into his groin. Ragin curled up in pain as the Protos dived on Doom from behind. He liquefied again to sink out of their grasp and before either could react his drove his arms into their faces. One inhaled a good portion of water, the other clawed at his eyes furiously. Neither were in any condition to dodge when his fists, solid this time, again slammed into their faces, and they went down. The third, ignoring the whole fight, gave up on CPR and opted to carry Celtic away. Doom ignored them, focusing on his last opponent. Ren had stood and watched in amazement through the whole confrontation, which had lasted roughly seven seconds.
“You going to try any of that fancy shit on me?” she asked. “I can transform to another state of matter as well. All that stuff you can do, I can do too.”
“Oh really?” said Doom. “I wouldn’t be too sure of that.”
He ran at her and exploded into water. In response she became a thick cloud of gas, but suddenly felt something envelop her as the water crashed down around her. What was that? Was that...skin?
“You know about air pockets, right?” she heard Doom’s voice vibrate through the skin of his torso. “Trapped underwater, unable to get out? Well guess what, sweetheart? Oh look, I’ve got you inside me.”
She struggled to free herself, but the skin wrapped around her entirely, airtight. She couldn’t escape. She heard Doom laughing as she panicked, her gaseous form throwing herself anxiously against the walls of her prison, but she couldn’t permeate it. If it were possible for gas to scream, then she would have, then and there.
Abruptly she was free. Weakened from exertion, she knelt on the ground, panting, she looked wildly around to see why Doom had released her. In her confusion she spotted another figure up the corridor and heard Doom’s voice. For the first time, there was a note of uncertainty in it.
“Leave it, man,” he said. “I’ve got no fight with you.”
“Oh, I think you do,” said another familiar voice.
DarthJ3sus strode down the corridor, glaring. Doom recoiled, his face askew with the first hints of fear.
“You want to dance, water man?” continued Darth. “Well then bring it on.”
Doom turned and ran. Darth raised his hand and a bolt of electricity shot out of it. The force of it exploded Doom on the spot with a yelp, and Darth shot bolts after him, electrifying the air around them as Doom’s watery face cried out in agony. Ren slowly climbed to her feet as Darth dumped pure electricity into the puddle, which began to sizzle. Eventually Darth lowered his arms and Doom slowly reformed himself, groaning in pain.
“Go get Data,” said Darth. “Tell him I’ll meet him here.”
Ren nodded and staggered away. Ragin and the two Protos groaned on the floor.
***
“And that brings us to here,” said Doom. “Stuck in a watertight cell, which, I have to say, doesn’t inspire a hell of a lot of confidence about your faith in me.”
“I have to plan for every eventuality,” said Data flatly. “Including the possibility that any one of you might one day require a seat in the slammer, so I’ve had similar facilities constructed for everyone.”
“Well that’s reassuring,” commented Doom wryly.
“Shut up,” growled Data. “You deserve worse than you’ve gotten. As far as I’m concerned, DarthJ3sus showed incredible restraint in not frying you on the spot.”
“It wasn’t any of his damn business anyway,” snapped Doom. “He and I have never had any problem before, I don’t know why he’d jump in.”
Data stared at Doom, tracing the line of his mouth with his finger, as though wondering how to put his next words.
“You know what he said to me as we brought you down here?” asked Data. “No, of course you don’t, you were so fucked up you were on the verge of crapping your pants. I could smell the steamed shit even before it came out of your bowels. It smelled like old cheese left on a desert highway road in the middle of summer.”
“I get the picture,” muttered Doom. “What did he say?”
The first traces of a triumphant smile began to fight their way onto Data’s face. “He said he’d been waiting to do this for a while. Everyone had always been talking about it. Even the guys you never messed with, like Brodie, Powerbomb and Elite, were getting sick of you, acting like a petulant child irritated at everyone else messing with your toys. It’s not just the ones you’ve been wrestling with that you’ve been pissing off. Darth’s exact words were, ‘if he’s not going to be a team player, then we won’t treat him like one’.”
Doom visibly started, his eyes wide with shock. Data smiled maliciously.
“Have a think about that, since you’re going to be in here for a couple of days,” he said, turning to leave. As he did there was a crackle in the small radio on his belt. Sighing, he pulled it off.
“This is the Leader,” he said.
“Sir, it’s Proto. That motherfucker left cling wrap over all the toilet bowls in the infirmary. Ragin didn’t notice until too late, and now the place stinks like shit.”
Data turned and stared at Doom, who grinned cheekily.
“Like I said,” he shrugged. “I’ve been expecting them for a couple of days.”
Data’s face was cold and stony. “Better make that a week,” he said. “Without meals.”
He opened the door and stormed out, locking it behind him. Doom’s face was frozen with shock.
5/6/2011 9:41:03 AM
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