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Yo' Mummy p4
By CeratosPit
The four travelers and the Orcabear sPent the better part of the afternoon traversing hundreds of miles of desert. It was a hot and tiresome experience, but eventually they would make it to the legendary lost city of Hamenothebomaptra. Finally, they crossed their last sand dune and beheld the ruins of ancient structures that survived by hiding in the desert for countless years.
“There it is.” O’Conartist said. “The fabled city of the dead.”
“It truly does exist.” said Nevessa with hope in her voice. “What a remarkable discovery!”
“Quite!” Juanathan complied. “And aren’t we lucky that this bus stops here twice a day!”
The travelers and Orcabear stepped off the bus, and walked into the city as it drove off. O’Conartist noticed some strange protrusions in his son’s shirt. “Fuzzy? What’s in your shirt?”
“Nothing.” Fuzzy shied away.
“I want the truth son. Now let’s have a look!” Fuzzy sighed and lifted his shirt to reveal five assault rifles tucked into his pants. “Where did you get these?”
“I found them on the floor.” Fuzzy said sheepishly.
“Fuzzy!”
“Alright, alright, I stole them from a man in a genie hat. I think he said his name was Al Kada or something.”
“Well, son, I don’t like you stealing.” O’Conartist got down and told his child. “But you did manage to unarm a potential terrorist unit, so for that I forgive you. Now, here, take one. You never know who or what we might run into out here.”
“Mr. O’Conartist,” Neevy asked. “Not to judge your parental instincts, but are you certain it’s wise to put an assault rifle into the hands of an eight year old?”
“Well, where else am I gonna put it?” O’Conartist asked her back. “Anywhere else and social services might take him away from me! Here.” he tossed two other rifles to Nevessa and Juanathan. “You two know how to shoot?”
“Nothing smaller than the broad side of a barn.” Juanathan replied.
“Alright, so if a Pyramid gets up and attacks us, I want you on it!” O’Conartist told him. “Hey, Orcabear? Can you work a rifle?” Orcabear squeaked like a dolphin and nodded it’s head. O’Conartist threw it the last rifle. “Alright, now that we’re all fully armed, what exactly did we come here to find?”
“The Book of the Dead.” Nevessa answered. “According to legend, it is an ancient manuscript printed in solid gold and jewel encrusted binding which holds the key to resurrecting the dead and might even be able to reanimate a mummy who would inevitably bring about the Apocalypse!”
“So let me see if I can understand this correctly…” O’Conartist said. “I’m guessing your father was a rich British guy who conceived you guys from a south African and Puerto Rican woman, and then got custody of you both and raised you in merry old England?”
“Not quite. But what does that have to do with anything?” Nevessa asked.
“Nothing.” O’Conartist said. “Nothing. Just trying to work something out in the back of my mind.” The gang continued walking alongside the ruins of an ancient convenience store. But when they reached the corner, they were confronted by an equally surprised group of five. Both groups cocked their guns and aimed at the strangers. O’Conartist noticed a little weasel-like fellow in a turban amid the other four. “Puny!”
“Heyyyyy, O’Conartist!” Puny said with a carefree tone of voice. “Long time no see, buddy! You lose weight? Where you been, fly guy?”
“You know exactly where I was, Puny! In jail! Hell, I even called you and told you about my adventures and asked you to come bail me out, but you made up some crap about paying for your cousin Alex’s heart surgery! But there was no cousin Alex, was there? Or heart surgery? No, you just decided to follow my directions to Hamenothebomaptra, and find the jewel encrusted, golden artifact for yourself, didn’t you!?”
Puny and his men stared at the raving O’Conartist. “Uh, Alex?” Puny asked as he turned to a guy with a nametag on saying ‘Alex’. Alex lifted his shirt to reveal a long, fresh scar going down his chest.
O’Conartist bit his tongue. “Oh. Um, sorry man.”
“Hey, don’t worry, bro!” Puny said with assurance. “It’s all good! But now that you told us about this solid gold, jewel encrusted artifact, we’re gonna try to find it for ourselves!”
“Oh know you won’t!” O’Conartist said, causing both groups to re-cock their guns. “We were here first! Well, at least I think…we were. Uh, when did you guys get here?”
“Aw, c’mon, dude!” Puny continued. “Everything’s cool! Look, you guys stay on your side of the lost city and we’ll stay on ours! It’s a free country!”
Juanathan tilted his head to his sister and whisPered, “Is Egypt a free country?” Nevessa just shrugged.
And so, the groups went their separate ways. O’Conartist tied up Orcabear to a post outside of an entrance to a hidden tunnel on the east side. “Obviously, it wasn’t hidden very well.” Juanathan noted. They made torches that illumined a dark, yet beautifully decorated hallway. On the walls, were repeating patterns of hieroglyphics. “What do they say, Neevy?”
“They say, ‘We are watching you’.” Nevessa told her brother.
“Yeah, but who’s ‘We’?” O’Conartist couldn’t help but ask.
“You don’t suppose they’ve trained mutant gorillas to guard these temples when they all left, do yo?” asked Juanathan.
“Did you know that gorillas can eat their poo poo to recycle nutrients?” Fuzzy asked.
“Son, I don’t think we wanted to know that.” O’Conartist said right before he stopped. “Anyone else feel that?”
“Feel what?” Nevessa askd.
“I thought I just felt the ground rumble.”
“Oh, don’t be daft. Egypt isn’t located on an Earthquake fault.”
“I didn’t say it felt like an Earthquake. It felt more like something…surging through the ground. Like water or…”
Juanathan pointed his torch up ahead. “What is that?” he asked, noticing a pile of dirt up ahead of them growing larger and larger. Now everybody could feel something rushing through the ground. But it wasn’t water. For out of the growing mound of dirt blasted a swarm of ravenous gerbils!
“Gerbils!” screamed O’Conartist. “Run for your lives!”
And everybody ran down a different direction in the subterranean hallway as the hungry gerbils chased them. Attempting to be cute and informative, young Fuzzy asked them while running, “Did you know that--” But he was answered with a resounding “Shut Up!” from everyone.
2 B Continued...
4/1/2003 2:50:43 PM
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