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Falcon - 1x06 - Amber's Nifty Little Adventure
By Ben
Ben: Hey, I'm Ben Smythe, creator, director, writer and grand-pubaa of all things 'Ben the Flooder Slayer' & 'Falcon.' We're still in the finishing stages of the big finale movie that will bring a close to both series' of Slayer & Falcon.
This episode is unfinished and totally just ends with dialogue. No opening credits, no guest star mentions, just a very plain episode - but a damn funny one.
Amber comes across 'The Sword of Honor' from 'Princess of Power,' or better known as 'She-Ra.' The episode was meant to end in a cliffhanger with She-Ra/Amber fighting Falcon and for everything to be explained in episode 7.
As I'm 'airing' this as is, you'll need to remember a few key things for the movie - Wolfram & Hart is bad...Team Falcon is good. Got it? Good.
Persoanlly, I feel this could have been one of my best episodes, and I feel as to where it's at now, it's damn funny.
So now I present the untouched, unaired, and unfinished 'AMBER'S NIFTY LITTLE ADVENTURE.'
DANSVILLE – GRAVEYARD
AMBER and FALCON walked, looking for a DEMON.
Amber: Remember, he has that sword…so…just watch for those attacks.
The DEMON surprised them from behind a GRAVE. AMBER reacted fast, pulling FALCON’S SWORD out and RAMMING it into the DEMON’S CHEST. The DEMON fell over dead.
FALCON looked amazed.
AMBER handed him back his sword.
Falcon: That’s impressive. I mean, we’ve only know each other a few months…and when I first met you…you were this timid little girl.
Amber: Hey!
Falcon: I’m just saying…
Amber: I’ll have you know I’ve saved your butt twice, mister.
Falcon: Is that so?
Amber: Yes, sir.
FALCON looked at the body.
Falcon: So…no poof, or puddle of ooze…
Amber: No, it doesn’t look like it. I think it’s the burial kind.
AMBER noticed the HANDLE of a sword in the DEMON’S BACK.
Amber: He didn’t even have a chance to pull this out…
AMBER pulled the SWORD and looked amazed at it.
Amber: Can I keep it??
Falcon: No, I think he wants it back.
AMBER looked confused.
Falcon: That was sarcasm. Of course.
Amber: I don’t know why, but I just love this sword…look at the jewel in the middle of it! It looks a lot like…well…a sword I used to dream of having as a kid?
FALCON looked amazed.
Falcon: Right…ice cream?
Amber: Next stop, my thighs!
FALCON laughed.
The two of them walked out of the graveyard.
AMBER’S HOUSE – later that night
AMBER finished shining the sword.
She looked at her reflection in the SWORD.
Amber: It looks just like the Sword of Honor! Freaking She-Ra! Gosh I wish there were real!
AMBER starred at herself in her mirror…She placed the sword into her back, so she could pull it as if she were She-Ra….
Amber: I am…Amber…He-Man’s twin sister, and defender of the Crystal Castle…
AMBER’S HOUSE started to rattle, but she paid no attention.
A beautiful white Stallion appeared.
Amber: This is Spirit, my beloved steed.
SPIRIT lifts up on his back legs, and moves his first two legs in the air.
Amber: Fabulous secrets were revealed to me…
She does what she says,
Amber: …the day I held aloft my sword and said –
The GEM started to blink and flicker.
Amber: FOR THE HONOR OF GRAYSKULL….
The SWORD was struck by lightning, and a bunch of FIREWORKS happened and circled around AMBER. The background behind AMBER was CASTLE GRAYSKULL A Blaze went down the SWORD and circled around AMBER transforming her…
Amber: … I AM SHE-RA!”
As SHE-RA, she moved her sword toward SPIRIT, and SPIRIT became a WINGED UNICORN.
She-Ra: Only a few others know this secret. Among them are Light Hope, Para Harris, and Marty.
Shot of SHE-RA in the center, with FALCON, MARTY, PARA, RYAN, and a FEW other people in COLORFUL COSTUMES.
She-Ra: Together, me and my friends of Falcon Investigations strive to free Dansville from the evil forces of Elaine!
ELAINE appears and shoots a fireball at the SCREEN, as it goes to black.
OPENING CREDITS
AMBER’S HOUSE –
SHE-RA walked SWIFT-WIND, as SPIRIT will be called when he is transformed.
She-Ra: Come Swift-Wind, together we will ride!
SWIFT-WIND looked at SHE-RA.
Swift-Wind: Surely.
They both paused…
Swift-Wind & She-Ra: You can talk!
She-Ra & Swift-Wind: You can talk!
She-Ra: Wow…this is fascinating. I actually can bring more to the group.
Swift-Wind: Is there anywhere to go?
She-Ra: No. We should become normal again…and then…we’ll…um, save the day tomorrow!
SHE-RA raised her sword.
She-Ra: Let the Honor, RETURN!
The same effects took place to transform SHE-RA back into AMBER.
AMBER looked at her body and her NEW HORSE.
Amber: Hot and Holy Sh-
MARTY’S VOICE took over.
Marty: Nike.
FALCON’S OFFICE
FALCON and MARTY looked through a magazine.
Falcon: I’m 215 years old…I don’t wear Nikes.
Marty: Come on, you wore a t-shirt and jeans when we built the office!
Falcon: That was for building. See…um…Bob Villa does it.
Marty: Yeah, but Bob Villa doesn’t save the world from demons.
Falcon: And then when Nike finds me out, they’ll make my own shoe for all the little vampire wanna-be’s out there and it’ll be the Air Falcon, no thanks.
MARTY paused for a second.
Marty: So what are you wearing?
Falcon: I think these are from American Eagle.
Marty: Oh…Mr.-I-Don’t-Follow-Trends is being trendy.
Falcon: Didn’t we enroll you in school?
Marty: According to River it blew up.
Falcon: Oh that’s right. Well, call that Sally Struthers line.
Marty: The what now?
Falcon: You know, Sally Struthers, the fat lady from Full House and she um…helps you get your high school diploma.
RYAN walked in.
Ryan: I hope I’m not interrupting.
Falcon: No, not at all.
Ryan: Hey Marty, there is someone in your office…said they lost their bike.
Marty: This is so bogus! You guys get all the hard core jobs and I have to get puppies out of trees and find bikes! Bullshit!
FALCON and RYAN both dropped their jaw.
Falcon: Don’t talk like that.
Marty: Well…you see my point?
Falcon: I can fire you.
Marty: So what kind of a bike was it?
MARTY strolled out of FALCON’S OFFICE.
Falcon: Have a seat, Ry.
Ryan: Thanks.
RYAN sat down.
Ryan: He’s actually why I’m here. It’s been almost three nights since the last vision he had.
Falcon: Yeah, and Amber and I took care of that sword handling demon.
Ryan: I don’t doubt you, but it’s been too quiet.
RYAN handed FALCON the DAILY NEWS – with the headline “WOMAN & UNICORN – MYTH OR FACT?”
Falcon: Look’s like Elaine’s back.
Ryan: I don’t think its Elaine.
Falcon: Why?
Ryan: Unless she’s starting to help people, then it’s definitely not her.
Falcon: You think it’s someone else?
Ryan: Yeah and where the hell is Amber?
Falcon: Not sure.
Ryan: I’ll go call her, she left early yesterday.
RYAN stood in the door way.
Ryan: By the way…
FALCON looked over at his door.
Ryan: Sally Struthers was on All in the Family.
FALCON’S DOOR closed after RYAN pulled it.
FALCON, in a mimicking voice:
Falcon: Sally Struthers was on All in the Family.
FALCON stopped as he could hear RYAN laugh on the other side of the door.
Falcon: Get to work!
WOLFRAM & HART – DANSVILLE OFFICE
We now get to see the GRAND LOBY, and it’s just exquisite. It’s very lush, looking like a very awesome Fortune 500 business.
CONFRENCE ROOM –
Inside, we see many ‘big wigs’ and secretaries, listening to an OLDER MAN, very well groomed and dressed. He’s probably in his late 40’s.
Tyson: …so I feel, since you know, we are on the hell mouth, that if we can represent our clients in the best way that we can, we will make this office more successful than any other Wolfram & Hart office! And that’s our goal…don’t forget, if we’re not the best, we’ll kill who is.
TYSON looked very serious and then released a smile.
Tyson: That will conclude today’s meeting. Please feel free to talk to your employees about this.
EVERYONE got up and left, but the SAME well dressed man and woman that dealt with ELAINE.
Tyson: Chester, Sara. What can I do for you?
Chester: I had a new client come in. Her name is Elaine Vanessa Evers.
Tyson: EVE? EVE is your new client?
Chester: Yes, sir. And you’ll never believe who just came into the game.
Tyson: Perhaps you should show me this.
Chester: Yes, Sir.
CHESETER and SARA led the way for TYSON, but TYSON stopped CHESTER in the door way.
Tyson: Chester…if this is what I think it is…The Senior Partners will be very pleased. Now, where are we headed?
CHESTER leaned back on the door to those words. SARA continued to lead TYSON.
DOWNTOWN DANSVILLE –
DAYTIME
MARTY walked past a galleria – “JOAN SUMMERS: GALLERY OF ART”
Marty looked in at the filthy windows.
A little girl, 11 years old, walked up behind MARTY.
Girl: It’s not in there! Find my bike!
MARTY rolled his eyes.
Marty: Look, Susie…
Girl: Sally.
Marty: Stacey, just relax.
Sally: Hey…I paid good money for your services.
Marty: I’m not a whore.
Sally: What’s a whore?
Marty: Um…nothing.
Sally: What’s a whore?
Marty: Christina Aguilera.
Sally: Oh! I thought she was Spanish.
Marty: Nope.
MARTY kept looking around.
Marty: Is that it?
A really fat 12 year old was pedaling hard, towards MARTY and SALLY.
Sally: The pink! The streamers! Eww! A boy is on my bike!
Marty: That’s yours?
Sally: Yes! Get him off my bike!
Marty: Hide.
MARTY shoved SALLY into an ALLEY.
The CAMERA started at MARTY’S SHOES, and moved up to his hands. He clinched them into FISTS.
“The New Adventures of Johnny Quest” theme song started.
The CAMERA continues up to his EYES, and they FLINCH.
MARTY hops on top of a TRASH CAN and leaps into a TREE. As he lands in the TREE, he smashes his foot through a BRANCH, making a long pole/SPEAR.
The FAT KID on the BIKE continued to pedal.
MARTY jumped from the tree and landed in a huddle, the SPEAR sticking out with his hand, and his head slowly comes up, as if from like an ANIME.
MARTY starts running towards the BIKE. He somersaults and rams the SPEAR into the TIRE SPOKES – seconds later, the KID flies forward off of the bike.
MARTY walks over to the fallen fat kid.
SALLY runs out from the ALLEY and pulls the SPEAR out of the bike.
Sally: Wow! Thanks!
SALLY pedaled off.
Marty: (coldly) Get up.
The FAT KID got up to his feet, scared to death.
MARTY pulled him into the alley.
Marty: Who’s bike was that?
Fat Kid: muh-muh-I-uh-….
Marty: Speak Pillsbury!
Fat Kid: I-uh-saw-my-uh…
MARTY extended his index finger and rammed it into the FAT KIDS stomach.
Fat Kid: Ow!
Marty: No ‘Tee-hee!?’ Not on my watch!
MARTY elbowed the kid in the face.
The FAT KID was crying.
Marty: Stealing never pays.
Fat Kid: I didn’t!
MARTY pulled the FAT KID’S shirt collar and head-butted him.
MARTY and the FAT KID both fell back from each other.
MARTY shuck it off and picked the FAT KID back up.
MARTY looked at him.
Marty: You disgust me.
MARTY punched him and walked away…only to see…
SALLY, walking the bike back.
Sally: You idiot…I said the one with Powerpuff Girls stickers on it. Look harder, Stevie Wonder.
MARTY’S JAW dropped.
He looked down at the helpless fat kid that he just beat the crap out of…then at the evil little girl.
As if the camera cut for a second, MARTY is now holding SALLY over his shoulder and tosses her in a dumpster.
SALLY screamed.
MARTY then picked the FAT KID up and tossed him in there too.
Marty: You kids need to do find something to do…
MARTY walked away with both of their school ID cards…revealing SALLY and the FAT KIDS were brother & sister.
As MARTY strolled out of the alley, he could hear the backing up of a SEMI.
His heart sank.
MARTY ran to a pay phone - -
FALCON INVESTIGATIONS OFFICE –
The PHONE RANG.
PARA answered the phone.
Para: Falcon Investigations – we help the helpless, how I can I help?
Marty’s Voice (very high pitched and terrified): Oh my! My 2 friends were um…having sex in a dumpster and a garbage truck is coming down the alley! Help!!
PARA grabbed her pen and paper.
Para: Okay, and how did you hear about us?
Marty’s High Pitched Voice:: Just get your ass down here.
Para: What alley?
Marty’s High Pitched Voice: The one by um…Joan Summers’ Galleria.
Para: I’ll send someone right away.
9/6/2004 11:11:51 AM
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