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Lan let the Games Begin (Part 2)
By Aragorn
EXT. ACHERON CITY – DAY – AERIAL SHOT
We look down at Archeron City below. We see Len's car driving through the heavy traffic.
INT. CHEVETTE – DAY – RESUME
Same as before.
LEN
We have to talk about Curtis.
Jeff's eyes go wide and he begins talking with heavy emphasis, agreeing with Len's statement.
JEFF I know!
LEN Last month he paid his rent in loose change. All three hundred bucks of it.
JEFF Yeah, and he never shuts up during movies when we go to the theater. Can you believe that?
LEN Ok, I think the rent thing is a bit more important...
JEFF Oh, I thought we were just stating things about him that we didn't like. He better keep his mouth shut at the theater though, cause did you know that there is a...
Len has seen all the 'Firefly' episodes, and knows many of the Great Joss Whedon’s quotes so he knows where this is going and he finishes the sentence with Jeff.
LEN & JEFF ...special level of Hell reserved for child molesters and people who talk at the theater.
LEN
(mocking smile) Yes Jeff, but don't you qualify for the first category though?
Jeff has heard this line a million times and is getting a wee bit tired of hearing it, so he gets overly defensive in his position.
JEFF For the last friggin’ time, I didn’t know she was 14! And she was the one that was hitting on me.
LEN Uh Huh. I’m sure...
JEFF
So how’s Rhianna doing?
LEN Ok, so back to Curtis then?
JEFF (smugly)
Sounds good.
LEN So what are we going to do about the rent thing? Obviously we need to confront him, but any ideas on what to actually do?
JEFF Well, since he has to give his share to you before you give it all to the landlord, just refuse to accept it unless it's in bills.
LEN Oh yeah, that's real smart there, Einstein. He’ll just never give us bills. Let's allow him to stay living with us for free! The only reason I even agreed to let him live with us to begin with, was cause he was a good source for a third of the rent. We may as well kick him out if we aren't going to accept money from him.
JEFF Then why don't we do that?
LEN Because then me and you will either have to pay more every month, or go through the trouble of finding a new roommate.
JEFF But you just said...
LEN (cutting him off)
Forget your idea already! We aren't doing it! It's a shit idea!
JEFF So what's your great idea then?
Len is silent for a minute. After a bit, he points ahead.
LEN Hey look, we're there!
INT. COMPUTER STORE – DAY
Picking up with Curtis and Mark standing on either side of the till, Mark is glaring at Curtis and the counter is covered in loose change; most of it of the nickel and dime variety although there is a large amount of pennies involved as well, and a few quarters. Not so many loonies or toonies (1 and 2 Dollar coins for you Americans).
CURTIS Is this enough?
MARK Come on Curtis, you’re joking, right?
CURTIS What?
MARK No way. Go to the bank and deposit this, I'm not wasting my time counting it.
Just then Len and Jeff walk in. Mark looks relieved and Curtis barely notices the two.
JEFF (whispering)
Shit, Curtis is here.
LEN (whispering)
He hasn't noticed us yet. Maybe we can just ignore him and he won’t notice we’re here?
JEFF
(whispering) And you call my plans shitty? Let’s just get on with this so we can get back before Battlestar Galactica finishes.
LEN Hey Mark, we need to get a new computer for Jeff; Upgrade him and get him off of that Intel shit.
Mark's response is an even colder glare than he gave Curtis over the change issue, as he is in love with Intel.
MARK
(coldly) You know where everything is.
LEN Well we were just looking for a pre-built right now. Don't have the time to build one ourselves.
MARK
Alright, come with me. Ryan moved some stuff around since you last worked.
Mark and Len go off into the back to see what is available, leaving Jeff and Curtis alone at the counter. They are both silent for a minute.
JEFF
So...Curtis...what are you doing down here?
CURTIS
Trying to buy a new computer.
JEFF Ahh cool.
(beat) Going Intel, I hope.
CURTIS
It doesn't really matter to me.
Interrupting this semi-awkward discussion, is yelling from the back.
MARK
(o.s.) AMD is shit! Intel is the original, man!
LEN
(o.s.) Oh, you so don't know anything! AMD outperforms anything Intel has on the market!
MARK
(o.s.) If you want an AMD, build it yourself! I'm tired of supporting that trash!
Mark storms out of the back room and goes back to the cash register.
JEFF
What was that about?
MARK Len. He’s refusing to allow an Intel Processor into your apartment.
Len now appears from the back room, equally pissed off. He walks up to Mark and looks down right into his eyes. Mark tries his best to even the height by standing on his toes, but isn't able to rise enough.
LEN
That’s all you Intel guys do, isn't it? Use illegal methods to beat competition, and then walk away when you’re beat.
Making the foolish mistake of Interrupting a Fan Boy argument;
JEFF Hey guys, I don't really care, as long as it’ll run MSN, play my DOS games, and the games at the LAN party.
This last remark throws Mark off for a second. He forgets his argument and looks at Jeff with an odd look.
MARK Dude... you still play DOS games?
Len senses an opportunity, and like all good Fan Boys, takes it.
LEN Yeah, it’s about all Intel is good for.
Mark turns right back to Len and the argument resumes.
MARK Hey, you need to wake up and realize that AMD is dead!
LEN
Just like Microsoft?
MARK Hey now, Microsoft is the biggest software company out there! It’s the best thing that’s happened to computers since sliced bread.
Curtis senses something isn't quite right and jumps in, failing to learn from Jeff’s previous example.
CURTIS Umm Mark...
Mark knows he has slipped, but like any Intel Fan Boy, he is unwilling to argue the issue on its merits.
MARK Shut up.
Wanting to end the dispute so he can get home hopefully before Battlestar Galactica finishes;
JEFF Ok, how about we just get me a computer that can handle the party then? I don't care what model it is or anything.
Taking this opportunity to end the argument as well, Mark gets back to the sale.
MARK I got a unit in back, $400 Pentium 4, Windows 2000, 128 megs Video, 512 Ram.
JEFF
Sounds good to me.
Len is angry at Jeff for siding against him, but relents to the fact that sometimes the ignorant end up leading the blind.
LEN Fine, but if you have a problem with it don't come asking me for help.
CURTIS Um, what about my computer?
MARK Curtis for the last time... GO TO THE BANK!
INT. APARTMENT – JEFF'S ROOM - DAY
In the same shape it was last time, except now his old P.O.S. computer is sitting on the floor while he works on setting up his new computer. Jeff is finishing connecting the cords and sits in his chair as he powers the new computer on.
INT. APARTMENT – KITCHEN - DAY
Len has moved onto checking out the cupboards for remaining food after Curtis has had his friends over. After finding no signs of hope, he calls out to Jeff.
LEN
Hey man, this fucking sucks.
Jeff as per usual, is oblivious to other people's problems.
JEFF
(o.s.) I know! I can't believe I let you make me miss Battlestar Galactica!
LEN That wasn't what I meant.
Jeff responds to Len with his usual sarcastic defense style.
JEFF
(o.s.) Oh, did you miss Andromeda? Now that would be a tragedy...
LEN Ok first, it would be a tragedy. Secondly, I'm referring to the food situation here. We should have grabbed some while we were out.
Jeff steps out of his room and into the hall.
JEFF Why not go now? I already missed Battlestar Galactica...
LEN Ok, for the last time, you have the DVDs! Stop bitching!
INT. SOBEYS - DAY
Jeff and Len are walking down the aisles of a grocery store, their cart partly filled already. ‘Last Dollar’ by Tim McGraw is playing quietly over the speakers in the store. During the entire scene, everything that Jeff puts into the cart, Len, who is behind him, takes it out to look over, and half of the stuff he puts back on the shelf without Jeff noticing.
LEN
Curtis should be here with us. He eats all our food but never helps pay for it.
JEFF We should get chains and a padlock for the fridge, and only me and you keep the keys.
LEN Screw that. If we do that, I’m keeping the keys.
JEFF
What!?
LEN Let’s face it, you eat as much as Curtis does, only difference is you at least help pay for it. By the time we’re out of food again, I’ve hardly had anything.
JEFF
Oh that is such a bullshit statement, Mr. I-have-10-meals-a-day.
LEN Are we still talking about you? Because that is so much more you then me.
JEFF Yeah, whate... Hey, why is the cart not getting full? We’ve been filling it up with all kinds of stuff.
(starts digging through the cart) Like...hey! Where’s the bottle of purple ketchup I put in here? Or the green licorice? And the Super Deluxe Gator Burgers! Where the fuck are my Gator burgers, Len?
Len's response is hesitant, not really sure anyone would be so stupid as to truly believe this.
LEN Um, I don’t know... Maybe there’s a hole in the cart...
Jeff starts to bend down to look, but Len, stunned for a second at Jeff actually falling for it, quickly stops him.
LEN Allow me.
Len bends down and we can clearly see that there is no hole in the cart. He stands back up.
LEN Yeah, there’s a decent sized hole in the bottom that we must have not seen when we got it. We’ll just have to be careful.
Jeff looks back behind them, the way they had just come from. He is skeptical about the idea.
JEFF
But none of our stuff is on the floor back there.
Len looks back.
LEN I guess one of the Grocery Clerks must have thought they were just knocked over or something and put them back on the shelves.
To Jeff this now makes complete sense.
JEFF That bastard. Must have been Darcy. I knew that little shit has had it out for me ever since he started working here.
They start walking again, turning the corner and heading down another aisle. Part of this section is lined with dozens of different kinds of bug-killing items. Jeff stops and starts reading the labels on them, putting a few in the cart as they go along.
LEN What are you getting those for?
JEFF Have you not noticed the ant infestation in front of the apartment?
LEN Dude... they're ants...I don't particularly notice things that small that don't get in my way.
JEFF There’s gotta be a massive hive someplace around. I’m gonna find it and deal with it.
LEN Why not just get Curtis to do it? It’s not like he does anything else.
JEFF Yeah, like he would actually do it. He’d probably take the ant killing stuff and use it in his drugs.
LEN Good point.
INT. SOBEYS – LATER - DAY
Jeff and Len are going through the checkout, the cashier ringing their groceries through. ‘Stronger’ by Kayne West is quietly playing over the speakers.
JEFF
(to the cashier) Hey Jenna, you know when I work next?
JENNA
I don’t even know when I work next. The new schedule is out though I just haven’t looked at it yet.
JEFF Wicked.
He leaves Len at the register while he goes and heads for Costumer Service.
JENNA
Get me one too.
Jeff reaches Costumer Service. The clerk is busy with a costumer, so he reaches into the area and onto a ledge. He opens up a bright neon orange folder and removes two schedules from it, returning to Jenna’s till.
JEFF Here you go.
Jeff hands her the schedule and then looks over his copy.
JEFF
Shit!
LEN What is it?
JEFF I work at 8 tomorrow morning! Shit! I'm pretty sure I fucking booked it off! I guess I can’t stay up too late at the party tonight. I’ll need you to give me a ride home probably at around 1:00.
LEN We’ll see.
The sounds of someone being trained on till reaches their ears and Jeff turns to look around. He sees a new cashier being trained, a few tills down.
JEFF Hey, who’s the new chick?
JENNA
Oh, that’s Vanessa. She’s a good friend of mine.
JEFF I should go say hello.
JENNA Jeff, don’t. She has a boyfriend.
JEFF What? So I can’t say hi?
JENNA Not to her, no. I know where your Hi’s lead.
LEN
Yeah, straight to Jeff getting shot down.
Jenna bursts out laughing.
JENNA I like your friend.
JEFF I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Fuck you both.
LEN Well as long as he doesn't ask her about the weather, she'll be fine.
JENNA
I don't get it.
LEN That seems to be his pick-up line, as bad as it may be.
JEFF
It's called making conversation. Jeez.
Jenna scans the dozens of bug killing items through and puts them in a bag.
JENNA Waging a little war, are ya?
Jeff keeps his eyes on Vanessa for a few more seconds before turning back to Jenna.
JEFF Yeah. Ant hive. Tomorrow after work,
(dramatically) I’m going to the front lines!
Len rolls his eyes.
JENNA And how much fun is that going to be for you?
JEFF
(excitedly) It depends on if I can find my old toy army helmet and binoculars!
Jenna and Len both lower their heads in shame. Len raises his first and notices that Jeff is suddenly gone.
LEN Um, Jeff?
Jenna raises her head at this and looks around.
JENNA Oh no.
LEN What?
Jenna points and Len turns to see Jeff chatting with Vanessa.
JEFF So, what do you think of this weather we've been having? I mean one day its boiling hot and the next its snowing, and then the next its all gone again. What’s up with that?
INT. APARTMENT – JEFF'S ROOM - DAY
Jeff has the computer running, although it has frozen up while he was attempting to load 'Doom II: Hell on Earth'. Behind the small square that the game is running in, is the Jurassic Park fansite webpage ‘Dan’s JP3 Page’, which is on the main page showing some recent ‘Jurassic Park 4’ news.
JEFF Hey Len, can you give me a hand here? I was trying to play Doom and the computer froze.
Len has arrived outside the door and is leaning against the frame looking in and drinking a small carton of chocolate milk.
LEN I already told you, you’re on your own.
JEFF
Oh come on, dawg! Don’t salt my game! Just this one thing?
LEN Alright, just hit Control-Alt-Delete.
Jeff carries out the instructions without thought.
JEFF Ok, what next?
Len has a smile on his face as he continues.
LEN Look for 'Explorer', once you find it, select it and push 'End Task'.
Pleased to have found out the answer, Jeff continues on.
JEFF Gotcha. Thanks.
The frozen game suddenly closes and Len turns and leaves the room. The computer screen suddenly goes to black.
INT. APARTMENT – HALLWAY - DAY
The camera is at Len’s face level as he walks out to the living room. The kitchen is in view, and there are empty grocery bags littering the table. Suddenly we hear Jeff from his room.
JEFF (o.s.)
ARGH!
Len begins to chuckle until the camera suddenly dips forward slightly then raises back up as if something had hit it. We see a stuffed camouflage-colored dinosaur, modeled after a Raptor from ‘Jurassic Park’ fall to the ground in front of the camera.
We turn around just as Jeff slams his door shut, an angry scowl on his face.
LEN What the fuck was that for?
JEFF
(o.s.) Making my computer crash!
LEN Fine then, say goodbye to your dinosaur.
The door suddenly opens again and Jeff peeks out.
JEFF What? Wait a minute. We can talk this through!
LEN Hey, you’re the one who threw the stuffed animal.
JEFF Oh come on, man! It was just a joke, you know, haha? Now can I please have Mr. Claw back?
Len picks up the dinosaur and walks into his room taking it with him.
INT. ROYAL BANK - DAY
Curtis is standing in a line-up inside a bank. The line-up is very long, but thankfully for him he's next in line. He's holding a thick bulging pouch in his hands.
TELLER Next!
Curtis doesn't move at first, but within a second realizes that that's him and walks towards the next available teller booth.
TELLER
How may I help you today, sir?
CURTIS I need this all changed into bills or rolled, please.
Curtis opens the pouch and dumps its contents - hundreds of dollars in loose change - onto the booth. Some fall to the floor and Curtis bends down to fumble with them and put them back on the counter. The teller nervously chuckles.
TELLER What bank did you just rob?
Curtis laughs back, joking around.
CURTIS The Bank of Montreal, actually.
When the teller continues to nervously laugh, Curtis decides to also continue on, thinking he’s being funny.
CURTIS I'm the Loose Change bandit and this place is next!
As the teller continues to chuckle nervously, the camera swings around so we can see the other side of the booth and we see her quickly pushing a hidden panic button under her desk. Curtis just continues to laugh and smile back at her.
CUT TO:
EXT. POLICE STATION - DAY
Len furiously storms down the stairs of the police station, Curtis rushing behind him as he puts his proper shirt on, holding his jacket under his arms.
CURTIS
Thanks so much for bailing me out, man. Who knew that bankers didn't have a sense of humor?
Len doesn't turn around or say anything back, but we can see the look on his face and if looks could kill, the entire block would be destroyed.
9/24/2007 10:07:56 PM
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