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Lan: let the Games Begin (Part 1)
By Aragorn
This is a script that is being written by myself and my best friend from high school, Len Pothier, and is a comedy based off real events from our lives. It's about a group of friends as they cope with the troubles of real life while they train and prepare for an upcoming LAN Tournament.
***
INT. APARTMENT – KITCHEN/DINING ROOM - DAY
This kitchen is attached to a dining room, although the dining room consists only of a basic table and a few chairs. The kitchen has an oversized fridge, an oven that looks almost new, although not quite, a microwave that looks as if it was the only source of heat in the entire apartment, and only a few cabinets.
22-year-old JEFFREY LONG is standing in front of the microwave eating out of a bowl, at first glance we may recognize what he is eating as some kind of noodles, but as the camera stays on the shot longer, it appears to be more of a mix of Lipton Noodles and Kraft Dinner, with a few things we can’t quite recognize. Jeff is 5’5, white-skinned, but dressed like a teen gangster-wannabe, complete with massively baggy pants, a ‘wife beater’ tanktop shirt, a metal silver cross hanging from his neck, an earring, and a couple different kinds of cheap vending machine rings on a couple different fingers.
21-year-old LEONARD POTHIER is standing at an open fridge looking in at the semi-stocked shelves; most of what is available would not be considered edible to the majority of the civilized world. Len is much taller then Jeff at 6’3, and wears glasses and a black T-Shirt with the phrase ‘Dammit Jim I'm A Sysadmin not a Babysitter’ written on it. 'Dammit Jim' is printed in oh-so-spacey metallic silver, and there is also a cartoon version of the Star Trek: The Original Series Enterprise whooshing around for dramatic effect.
Jeff looks up with a weird look on his face; obviously this latest mixture hasn't quite worked out.
JEFF Damn it!
Len pulls his head out of the fridge partially and looks over at Jeff who has put his spoon into the bowl.
LEN What is it?
JEFF This damned microwave; it never works.
LEN (sarcasm abounds) Really? It couldn't be that you used water instead of milk in your little mix there?
JEFF Well maybe...but the Microwave still doesn't work properly! It never works for me. Besides, there was no milk left, so I had to use something in place of it.
Jeff is taking his bowl over to the garbage and is about to dump it when their other roommate, 22-year-old CURTIS COATES walks in. Curtis is 5’8, chubby, and has a potbelly from drinking a bit too many beers. Also, his clothes are way too tight for his bulging chubbiness. Overall, not a great sight.
Jeff raises his head slightly in a greeting gesture when Curtis enters.
JEFF
(to Curtis) Sup, G?
Len meanwhile, has resumed searching the fridge for food.
LEN (in regards to Jeff’s comment about no milk) Yes, I've just noticed the milk situation. What happened to all our food anyway? We just went shopping a few days ago.
CURTIS Yeah, sorry about that. Had a few friends over yesterday.
Jeff is about to pour his failed mixture into the garbage when Curtis sees what he is doing. He practically breathes down Jeff’s neck as he looks directly over his shoulder.
CURTIS
Hey, wait a sec man, what'cha got there?
Jeff looks up and back at Curtis, who is eying the bowl of food as if it was the Holy Grail and he was the Pope.
JEFF Umm, just a mixture I did up. Didn’t work out as well as I thought it would.
CURTIS Well giver’ here man, you know I love your mixtures.
JEFF Yeah, but I don't think you'll like this one. Most of them are made on purpose. This one was not...
CURTIS Come on. Stop holding out on me, man.
Jeff looks to Len and they both shrug. Jeff takes it away from the garbage and lets the lid close. He hands the bowl to Curtis who begins to eat it without even changing the spoon.
CURTIS
(mouth full; little bits of food falling from his mouth) Damn man, I knew you were holding out on me; This is great!
Curtis turns and leaves with the bowl still in his hands. Len and Jeff are left just standing there, looking dumbfounded.
QUE OPENING CREDITS AS;
INT. ARCHERON HIGH SCHOOL – HALLWAY - DAY
...the song ‘This is me in Grade 9’ by Barenaked Ladies plays low in the background. Superimposed on the screen is the caption;
ARCHERON HIGH SCHOOL, 2001
Both sides of the student-packed hall are covered with lockers, with students of varying ages at the lockers, as well as walking through the hallway. Somehow a smaller, younger version of Jeff, with a bookbag on one shoulder and wearing a bright red sweater, works his way through the crowd; most of the people are larger than him by a fair amount. He moves towards the camera as the camera moves in on him until we are close enough to see just him from the chest up. His face is much younger looking than previously seen.
As he walks by an intersection in the hall, the camera pulls back a bit to include MARK ABBOTT, who has joined him from the other hallway. Mark is a pudgy kid with messy blond hair, thick wire-rimmed glasses, blue jeans with the bottoms rolled up, and on his shoulder is a bookbag that looks like it has been dragged on the ground behind a car for a few kilometers, and patched up accordingly. Mark is wearing a rather large goofy smile, unfortunately Jeff's smile has disappeared and been replaced by a look of annoyance. Mark begins in without realizing how annoying he is, or perhaps he doesn't care. His voice is high pitched, pre-puberty, and nasally.
MARK Hey Jeffrey!
JEFF (exacerbated) Hi Mark.
MARK Where were you this morning? Len mentioned something about hurting you when you get here.
JEFF Why?
MARK I don't know, he just said it out of the blue while I was telling him all the details about this neato computer I built this weekend.
JEFF (realization dawns) Ahhh.
We pull back further as a much younger Len closes his locker and rushes to join the two. Jeff notices the glare he is receiving as does Mark. Len is wearing glasses, but not nearly as thick as Mark’s, a plain gray T-shirt under a green camouflaged jacket, light blue jeans, and his book bag is on both shoulder straps.
LEN (extremely hostile towards Jeff) So, where were you earlier?
Mark senses that it may be best to get while the getting is good.
MARK Well, I...Umm...have to go to class. See you guys later.
Mark takes his chance and turns around, leaving the two to walk alone. Well, as alone as they can be in a crowded hall.
JEFF I slept in and missed the bus, so my dad gave me a ride down on his way to work...So, Mark built a new computer over the weekend?
LEN Unfortunately, yes. (slowly; fuming) Because you...were not here...he cornered me and told me ALL about it...
JEFF (sarcasm abounds) Yeah, he mentioned that you made some threat of violence or another towards me. Like you could ever take me.
LEN I've knocked you on your ass before.
Tired of this reminder, Jeff speaks slightly louder than he means to.
JEFF I was standing on ICE!
Several people that are near give the two an odd look before returning to their own business. The two meet up with a younger Curtis, although he appears pretty much the same as his older self, with the exception of the large puffy black jacket he is wearing. Curtis jumps right in with bugging Jeff.
CURTIS So Jeff, Allison get your Pizza Pop yet?
JEFF No, so shut up. I told her I didn't have one today.
Just as he says this, a locker door closes right behind them and the voice of the occupier of that locker is heard calling out to them.
ALLISON (off screen) Jeff...Jeffrey, stop right there! I heard that!
The group stops when they hear the voice.
JEFF Oh shit... (turns to Curtis; pissed off) I'm going to kill you, Curtis.
CURTIS Last I heard, you couldn’t even beat Len.
Curtis smiles smugly and Len laughs.
JEFF Fuck you both.
ALLISON (o.s.) Jeff, hand it over.
Jeff finally turns. After a beat the others follow and we see ALLISON LUK. She is the same height as Jeff, thin, wearing a tight red tanktop, and has her blonde hair tied back into a ponytail.
She walks over to the group and stands in front of Jeff, holding her hand out. Jeff and her have a short staring contest before Jeff relents. Swinging his backpack off, he pulls out a Pizza Pop and hands it over to Allison, sighing heavily.
CUT TO:
INT. APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM - DAY
Superimposed on the screen is the caption;
2007
The 21-year-old Len is sitting on the couch watching the movie ‘Free Enterprise’ when Curtis walks in and sits down beside him. After a few seconds of watching to figure out what it is, he turns to Len.
CURTIS What the fuck is this, man? Some kind of Trekkie religious experience?
Len is obviously annoyed by this interruption during what is quite possibly the best ever William Shatner Film without the words ‘Star Trek’ in the title. He decides heavy sarcasm is the best way to deal with non-believers.
LEN Yes Curtis...all Trekkies are required to watch at least one hour of Trek-related material everyday.
CURTIS (laughing; thinking Len is serious) Ahh, interesting. Wouldn't you be more into it though if you had some weird clay crap on your forehead? What race has that again?
Len finally turns to glare at Curtis with a look so evil it could vaporize three cubic meters of Tritanium, which as all of us good Trekkies know, requires a complete discharge of a Type 1 Phaser all at once.
CURTIS Oh right, that’s all of them, isn't it?
Len continues his glare until he gets an idea, and then his glare turns into a quick smile and he jumps up.
LEN Great idea! I'll be right back.
Len rushes out of the room, almost knocking Jeff over, who is now entering after exiting his room. Jeff catches himself against a wall and straightens himself back up, and then walks over to the couch and sits down where Len was. He watches the movie for a second before realizing what it is.
JEFF Wicked! Free Enterprise! I love this movie.
CURTIS Shit man, not you too. I hate Trekkies.
JEFF What are you talking about? I'm not a Trekkie. I don’t like Star Trek too much, but this movie rocks so much, I mean just look at...
(instantly turns attention back to the TV)
Oh, have they past the school fight already? That part rocked.
CURTIS Man, y'all have got to get out more. Go to some Keggers. Pick up some chicks... Come on, we still need to pick up our passes to get into the LAN party tonight.
Curtis gets up and waits for Jeff who is still just starring at the TV, which is now at the Mexican restaurant scene of the movie, when the waitress first shows up. Jeff looks to be in a coma as he stares at the waitress, and if one looks hard enough they may just see drool starting to form; he is totally oblivious to the fact that he is on a couch in his apartment, much less that Curtis is talking to him.
CURTIS Hello?...You there?... Damn those Trekkies.
Curtis leaves and a second later Len re-enters with Klingon Forehead ridges, a cheesy looking goatee, and a Bat'Leth. He takes this very seriously. He sits down and after a few seconds, Jeff looks over, expecting to find Curtis.
JEFF Hey Curtis, we should pick up...
Jeff lets out a rather loud screech when he comes face to face with the Klingon-Len, who just sits as if nothing is wrong. After calming down and catching his breath, he continues.
JEFF
Where the fuck is Curtis?
LEN Oh he just left. So what did I miss?
The two go back to watching the movie, not caring about the rest of the world.
INT. COMPUTER STORE – DAY
Along the back wall of the store front area are two doors, one on each side, in between them is a counter surrounded by walls with an enclave area looking into the front. Along the right hand side is another counter with display shelves with the same along the left. At the very front of the right side is a desk and on the left is the entry.
Standing behind the back counter is Mark Abbott, who hasn't changed much from Grade 9. He is working at the counter, fixing a computer up that is refusing to cooperate. A chime noise sounds as Curtis enters through the front of the store and Mark looks up at him, and then back down at his machine.
MARK (still with the same nasally pre-puberty-like voice from high school) Hey Curtis, what do you need today?
Curtis ignores him as he looks at the various displays, finally walking over and leaning on the counter, looking at the machine Mark is working on.
CURTIS You going to the LAN party tonight?
Mark talks without looking up or shifting his work on the Machine from Hell.
MARK (hesitant) Um...I'm the one setting it up...
CURTIS Oh, even better. Is there any chance I can bring in a few friends? We have stuff that'll keep those gamer bitches up for days.
Mark replies with an obvious dislike of Curtis and his 'friends'.
MARK I don't think so. We will be just fine without your assistance. Now are you just here to sell drugs to my costumers, or is there something you actually need?
CURTIS Well actually, yeah. I got to thinking, and well it seems my old Duron 1.8 won't be up to the challenge.
MARK It should do fine. I know that Len is planning on bringing his 1.3; Besides, you sell off that Duron of yours, and I do believe Len will kill you before you can put the money in the bank.
CURTIS Yeah, he is weird that way...But anyways man, do you want a sale or not?
MARK Alright, what are you looking for?
Mark slides a price list encased in a plastic shield type of thing. Curtis briefly looks it over before returning to Mark.
CURTIS Well, I wanna try out something with an Athlon, NVIDIA setup. So whatcha got?
Mark looks up at this comment like someone had just told the Pope that Jesus was married to a guy before he died.
MARK You’re joking right?
Curtis, not knowing that Mark is an Intel fan boy, continues on, undaunted.
CURTIS No, why? What’s wrong with Athlon and NVIDIA?
Mark roles his eyes at this latest comment.
MARK Luser.
INT. APARTMENT – JEFF'S ROOM - DAY
Jeff’s room is a medium-sized room containing a TV, computer, and desk. Instead of a bed, there is a half-sunk inflatable mattress, and instead of dressers there are two suitcases wide open with messy piles of clothes inside both. In the corner is the closet which is slightly opened, inside we can see a huge pile of DVD and VHS movies piled along the inside back wall and in some opened boxes. Along the room walls are movie posters of mostly horror and action films but a few comedies around as well.
Jeff, wearing a winter toque over his head despite the fact that he's indoors and wearing a wife-beater, is sitting at his computer with MSN open on one side of the screen and the DOS game ‘Alleycat’ on the other. Len walks up and stands in the doorway, looking in at Jeff. Jeff’s computer speakers are playing ‘Hate Me Now’ by DMX, Tupac, and Nas.
LEN Jeff, when are you gonna get a bed and dresser? We’ve been in this place for a year now.
Jeff turns to look at Len.
JEFF Why would I waste money on that stuff for? My mattress and suitcases work fine.
LEN I would hardly say your mattress works fine. It sinks to the floor every night and you have to blow-it back up again every morning.
JEFF Nothing a patch won’t fix once I find the hole.
Jeff turns back to the computer and after a moment of silence, Jeff's eyes widen and Len speaks again.
LEN You know, I don't think that computer will handle the party.
Jeff is too focused on his own problem to really listen.
JEFF I can't believe it!
Len doesn't realize that Jeff is referring to something completely different.
LEN Well you should have seen it coming; that thing is ancient. I mean you’re playing a DOS game for crying out loud. Hell, it even has problems playing the original Doom.
JEFF It’s impossible!
LEN Look man, it’s not that bad. We'll just head into my work and get you a new one. It won't take too long, it'll just take some moolah.
JEFF She blocked me! She frickin' blocked me!
Len realizes that Jeff is talking about something completely different.
LEN Say what now?
JEFF We talked all night and she blocked me!
LEN Ok, I'm so not getting this...
JEFF Maybe it was an accident, yeah that’s it.
LEN Hello? Anyone there?
JEFF No, that can't be it. She had to put my name on her block list and click Ok.
Len, deciding he has had enough of this mystery, walks further into the room and looks over Jeff's shoulder at the computer. Jeff, not realizing that Len had walked into his room, senses the presence of someone right behind him, and turns his head, ending up face to face with Len, letting out another classic yelp sound.
JEFF
Jesus, G Dawg, stop doing that.
Len rolls his eyes.
LEN So who blocked you this time, and how old was she? Please tell me she was at least 17 this time.
JEFF This girl I met online a week ago. We hadn’t gotten around to talking about her age yet, but her picture looked like she wasn’t too much younger then me.
LEN Uh huh, so basically she was too young then. Not telling you her age...you guessing it by the picture...we both know how bad you are at guessing ages.
JEFF Well it doesn’t matter now. She blocked me, man. How can anyone do that? I mean it's me! Maybe it’s because I'm too much for her handle cause I’m such a bad boy.
At that exact second, his music changes from the rap song it was playing to 'When a Man Loves a Woman' by Micheal Bolton. Len just looks down at Jeff with a 'WTF' look on his face. He then looks at the screen and sees that Jeff’s Personal Message on MSN has changed to the song title.
LEN What song were you listening to before that stupid rap crap came on?
JEFF Butterfly Kisses by Michael Bolton. Why?
Len points out the MSN personal message to Jeff.
LEN Perhaps that can solve your little mystery?
Jeff looks at the screen where Len is indicating. After seeing it, his head flops down to the desk, slamming his forehead on the edge. He remains in this position.
JEFF That fuckin’ no talent ass-clown.
LEN Well, at least you learned that much finally.
Len turns and starts to leave. As he is going, he talks over his shoulder.
LEN Let’s go man. You want to get a new computer in time for the LAN party tonight, don't you?
After a few seconds, Jeff raises his head and turns around.
JEFF But Battlestar Galactic comes on soon...
LEN Frak that. You have it all on DVD anyway.
Len has made it to the front door and has begun putting his shoes on. Jeff follows him out into the porch.
JEFF Yeah, but it’s not the same as watching them on TV with millions of other viewers.
LEN Are you serious?
JEFF That way, we can all share in the joy of the show together.
Len looks Jeff over, eying his wife-beater, toque, and excessive blingage – his three different chains and necklaces, his two vending machine rings, and his earring. Jeff is finally making his way to the door as Len pulls on a Dale Earnhardt Jr. jacket.
LEN You’re gay, aren’t you?
EXT. APARTMENT FRONT ENTRY – DAY
Looking in at the front entry as the two walk outside.
JEFF So how are we getting there?
Len pulls out a pair of sunglasses and slips them on.
LEN The 'Vette, of course.
The camera turns as they pass, revealing a hot brand new red Corvette on the other side of the parking lot. The chorus from 'Life Is A Highway' by Tom Cochrane booms loudly over the B.G., as we move to a slow-mo collage of various shots of the exterior of the car: Its shining red paint job, its sparkling crystal clean hubcaps, it's retractable top, and its hot black leather seats. The slow-mo ends as the two walk over to it and we follow them to the car. Once they reach it, the song quickly ends as they go past it and we see a mild-condition 1986 red Chevette two-door that has seen better days, but isn't quite out of the running yet. They climb in and Jeff gives Len a worried look as;
JEFF And you call ME gay...
INT. CHEVETTE – PARKING LOT - DAY
Camera is in the backseat looking forward as they get in. The seats have a brown shag cover and the whole car is heated pretty well.
LEN Hey, man, don't knock the 'Vette.
Once they are both in and buckled up, Len starts the car up and pulls out. As they leave the parking lot, Len squeals the tires just for good measure.
9/3/2007 2:37:34 PM
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