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Wow, that's the best way I can put it.
I know I haven't exactly read the entirety of this story, but from what I have read, I can feel the emotions your are trying to portray, and I can simply understand that position your character is in.
I'm guessing from other's comments, your character is significantly younger then Erin, and that can be nothing but bad news.
Well, I can safely say I will be reading the rest of Entry 3 in its entirety, you have me hooked. I must find out what happens to you!
And of course, if time ever permits me, I'll do my best to retrace my steps and check out on what I've missed, for it's sure to be just as good. :)
Cheers,
Dino_Dude
At 8:02:56 PM on 2/11/2003, Chavez said:
Great work! I can't get enough of this story. It only makes me sad that this is the last entry.
At 11:15:23 AM on 2/7/2003, drucifer67 said:
Another fine entry...this story just gets better. Your writing not only paints a vivid picture in my mind, but you have a knack for making the reader FEEL what you're feeling...this is truly a wonderful read. A shame it's coming to an end...
Looking forward to more!
At 1:31:35 AM on 2/6/2003, yvonne said:
This chapter left me feeling sad. Thanks a lot, Vader. lol.
Erin really should get angry at you for lying to her. I'm hoping that you get the courage to tell her, before that Friday meeting at her house. If not, how rude! lol.
This is a great story, and I'm glad you were able to get this ready a little bit early. :)
And about descriptive words: I think you use a few too many, every once in awhile .... but you write so eloquently, it really is a part of the story. It doesn't bother me in the least.
At 12:30:37 AM on 2/6/2003, Monki said:
Yo man..
As you know, I've been reading your chronicles since you started this thing.. I've enjoyed the hell out of it, and honestly this is the only fan fic I've read.
That being said, I enjoy it all, but again, I offer some criticism to help. (My opinions)
Okay, first of all, calm down with the adjectives... multiple syllable words are great, but you seem to really lay them on...
First line:
The OMNIPOTENT wind of change that refused to leave my side DILIGENTLY encircled me, elevating my anxiety.
Trust yourself, lay down the thesaurus... :)
Also, calm down on the drama.. it seems as though you are pushing so hard to make this seem as though it is edge-of-your-seat type literature. The more "real" it is, the more I personally enjoy it.
I love reading books from people who wouldn't normally be considered writers...Bruce Campbell's is one of my favorites.
Anyways, keep it up, good stuff here, no need to impress us with your multiple-syallbic words! (We know you are in college already)
Keep writin', I'll keep readin'.
-Monki
At 12:29:59 AM on 2/6/2003, JPJunkee said:
You know, this story is much more than the average fanfic. So much more. No other story at this site has tugged at my emotions such as this has. I mean, I feel like I'm witnessing it all through you eyes (which is an awesome accomplishment for an author). I feel your sorrow, I feel your happiness, I feel your fear. It's just downright amazing. I'm addicted to this story. It's a shame, that this is the last Entry. . . .
But more about the story; Erin and you seem to have a good connection. Especially with such an age difference. I fear for your life, when she finds out about your age. . . . it can't be pretty.
As always, it was a pleasure reading this, and I look forward to more.
-- JPJunkee
At 12:13:37 AM on 2/6/2003, Majestic-1 said:
First. (With my obligitory: Kick his Ass!)
Geez is she gonna freak when she finds our your age, huh?
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