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Pretty good. I will definitly be reading more of this.
rating: 8/10
At 5:14:43 PM on 8/10/2004, Teach said:
I have to say that you're not off to a bad start here at all.
Criticisms can be limited to:
A few short, choppy sentences near the beginning, but I sort of feel like that's maybe a stylistic thing--it feels like it, anyway. A minor punctuation thing, "it's" instead of "its", but nothing to really detract.
Consider your formatting so that blocks of dialogue are separated. It's much easier on the reader to have a visual cue as to when one character stops talking and the next starts.
On the plus side: Starts with a bang--I was just having a conversation yesterday or so about the importance of grabbing the reader immediately, and this one does get your attention.
I also like Sheriff Hoyt--in fact, I think I know this guy. I live in Texas, and I can say that you've captured the essence of the prototypical Texas sheriff quite well in his few simple lines of dialogue and modest description. That he prays over the kid's body is a very nice touch, a true Texas sheriff behavior.
All in all, a good start--interesting and well-written. I'll be keeping my eyes open for more.
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