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Thanks, yvonne! I hadn't noticed that -- although I did notice the overuse (beyond even my intention to overuse) of the word 'sea', among other problems. It is a tad too poetical. Oh, well; I'll edit the next chapter more harshly.
-H
At 3:31:42 PM on 5/28/2003, yvonne said:
A very nicely written start, Host. It's very mysterious and it makes me want to read more about this poor guy. I could picture most of the details in my head, which is always a big plus IMO.
But there was one thing that sort of bugged me. You use the word "weakly" a lot. It kind of got tiring, bringing me out of the story just a bit. Not a real big thing though. I just wanted to give my honest opinion.
I look forward to more, as well!
:)
At 12:39:23 AM on 5/27/2003, The Host said:
Thanks for the comments, guys! To answer your question, Junkee, Cocytus is still on my list, but I generally take a long time to pin down original ideas and never intended to start writing it before September. So I'm afraid you'll have to wait a bit.
-H
At 10:49:50 PM on 5/26/2003, drucifer67 said:
This drips excellence. The language is intelligent, and the prose is easy to consume. It works, and I'm interested in finding out what happens next (the purpose of any first chapter, eh?)
Well-written. I sense a good story coming.
At 10:15:27 PM on 5/26/2003, JPJunkee said:
It's always hard to comment on the first chapter of a story. The reader can only really judge the writing, and the possibilities of what may come. When the character of the story doesn't even know what's going on, it leaves the reader in the dark until later chapters. . . but. . . anyway, here we go.
It's an interesting story so far. A guy that only seems to remember whiskey and has a lot of hated towards the ocean. . . so far it's not the most original thing I've ever read. . .but the future of the story could prove otherwise.
The writing is good. Some of your best writing I‘ve read, in fact. You describe the man’s feelings and actions with brilliant detail and clarity. I always knew what was going on. Very nice.
But, at times it seemed like you were trying to be almost too poetic in the writing, and some of it got a little dull and slow to read.
Still, this is a promising start to a story that I look forward to reading more of.
Also, I have a question, you said you are still working on Prisoner of Zenda, Sirens of Titan, and Second Triumvirate (woohoo!). Are you still planning to write Cocytus (or however you spell it)?
Anyway, I look forward to more of this.
-- JPJunkee
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