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Wow man.
What a great start. Seriously you've belended intense thriller-esque writing with Jurassic Park and it's turned out wonderful. Not many people have been able to capture anything close to the essence of Michael Crichton, but i think you've come the closest.
Unlike some people you aren't afraid to use swear words, some people write as if oh no i swore, im going to be in trouble...But you've used them where applicable and it works very well.
The character development for a character that is barely in the story seems to be extraordinary. You've really outdone yourself.
This story is incredible so far, can't wait for another post.
Rating: 9/10
~Dark Hunter
At 2:43:37 PM on 7/8/2003, JPJunkee said:
'It was hot. Really fucking hot.'
What a. . . .pleasant way to start out a story.
That was really some top notch story telling, Host. I mean, that was a lot of writing for the fate of only one man, but my interest never swayed, not even for a moment. The way you described the exhaustion and how Harold began to grow slightly delusional was all very well done.
I knew the guy was going to die. I mean, when the lines, 'Probably some bird' or 'It sounded cute and playful and cuddly' show up, you know the guy is going to end up as dino chow.
I also loved the way Harold viewed the dilophosaurus at first. Thinking he was insane, and such. Really great stuff.
This is shaping up to be a great Jurassic Park story, and so far, looks to be some of your best work since Triumvirate.
I am trying to think of some sort of constructive criticism to offer in my comments, but I really can't think of anything that didn't work, or that I didn't like.
Oh, one more line I loved, 'May she burn! Harold Keyser thought, Burn all the way to hell.' Ha! . . . . I'm almost sad that ol' Harold had to die . . . bloody dinosaurs!
Anyway, I'm anxiously awaiting more.
-- JPJunkee
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