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means the user is online now! At 12:00:00 AM on 8/22/2002, The Host said: Thanks for your comments. Actually, this was originally intended as a detailed plot synopsis of a screenplay that I was going to write back in The Day, but grew too long and twisted. I never did write the s'play. But that's why it's not as descriptive as usual -- and it explains the virtual lack of dialogue.
No go read Triumvirate! It's better by far.
Thanks again, The Host
At 12:00:00 AM on 8/20/2002, ToNy tHe T-ReX said: It's pretty good. I have a few things to say though---you jump around way to much. You have to get a little more in-depth with these people. People like to see descriptions. What does the landscape look like, how high are the trees, what kind of store is Malcolm in. All these questions should be indefinatley answered---and I always like to see Malcolm talking about chaos---he does alot in my novel. It sounds like you have an excellent concept---you just have to take a few extra steps and expand a bit. Get into more of the functions of each character, how they think, what they do, why are they in this place, why do they want to get out. Overall, the concept and story development sounds pretty good.
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