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I must say that I'm interested in seeing where all of this is going. I kept sensing some sort of subterfuge on the part of the doctors, maybe something in relation to those tetanus shots...
Anyway, I digress.
The thing that stands out so much about the way you write is that it feels authentic. I admit that I "lost the connection" once or twice in regards to Grant's dialogue, but it's probably no more than a matter of the difference in the way you and I interpret his character. Nothing too distracting.
The ongoing personal struggle Alan's feelings for Ellie is good, and again, it feels authentic.
My favorite line was a simple one: Tim's "me too".
I noticed a couple of places where punctuation got dropped, but again, it was nothing terribly distracting (although, in a lesser story, it might have been).
Very well done. You've caught my interest, and I'll definitely tune in for more.
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