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This story is perhaps the best written story, I've seen here.
Despite the fact that the genre is one I typically avoid, you have just enchanted me with the stunning visuals. Amazing stuff.
Character interaction is superb, descriptive language is superb, editing is superb and word choice is superb. Vivid and imaginative. The best piece of amateur written work I've read since Triumvirate.
At 11:36:33 AM on 8/26/2004, MartinRandle said:
Well - finally a story from our old friend James.
And what a start - alas like Yvonne I would say I too am hooked - albeit I've never quit eforgiven you for not completing that story about the apes.
Little lines that stood out and made the whole scene become very 3D were things like "pockets full of coin" (rather than the more obvious and modern "coins". Details like this make the telling very absorbing and what seperate the great writers fom the merely good.
I shall now nip over to episode 2 and carry on....
At 9:30:14 PM on 8/12/2004, yvonne said:
Yes, I'll be there watching .. but don't worry. Mistakes a strictly reported through email! hehe
At 1:26:20 AM on 8/12/2004, Teach said:
Yvonne: Glad to hear you're hooked! I haven't been into the whole sword and sorcery bit myself for a number of years, so I'm not sure what brought me to write a dragon story, but here I am doing it.
It's sometimes hard to keep that medieval frame of mind...the whole "spectacles" thing, etc...and I'm sure at some point I'll screw up :) But, I also know that there are people like you out there to point out my mistakes!
Thanks for reading, and thanks for the feedback. Stay tuned!
At 12:58:08 AM on 8/12/2004, yvonne said:
Well, I think I'm hooked!
I've never really read a story with dragons in it. It's just never been an interest of mine, not sure why. So it was surprising to me that I found myself getting immersed in the world you're creating.
I love the words you use from that time, too. It really helps to create a mood. Little things like "spectacles", instead of glasses, and so on. It shows the extra effort and it's appreciated.
Being that this was the first chapter, I sort of expected a lot of narration (to introduce the setting, etc), but I think it dragged ever so slightly. Still, I'm liking it so far and I'll read chapter 2 soon!
Nice job here. :)
At 1:24:42 AM on 8/10/2004, Teach said:
Thanks, RaptorHiss...glad to see you're reading and enjoying!
Look for the next installment on or about Wednesday, and on Wednesdays thereafer. I'm going to try to keep a schedule, for however long that lasts...
Again, thanks to everyone who read and supplied me with the very helpful and supportive feedback. The response really makes me look forward to posting more...
Stay Tuned!
At 11:09:12 PM on 8/9/2004, RaptorHiss said:
Great firl chapter. Sets up everying wonderfully. I can't wait for the next installment.
Highly orignal, I didn't expect this type of storyline going into it, and I was very pleased. Stories about dragons always strike my fancy.
Keep up the excellent job:D
At 4:13:35 PM on 8/9/2004, Teach said:
Thanks, JPJunkee, for the feedback.
About the slow introduction: I had a more "cinematic" opening written, but decided that this sort of story needed a bit more of a "once upon a time" beginning--perhaps that was a mistake. I've preached for a long time that the first five pages are the "make or break" of any story, and I seem to have dropped the ball on that point.
Maybe I should pick up my original "cinematic" opening and use it as a prologue...hmmm, now there's an idea. Grab the reader a little better.
You can look forward to much more interesting story, now that the exposition is out of the way...and thanks for the constructive criticism!
At 2:32:03 AM on 8/9/2004, JPJunkee said:
Dragons and fantasy stuff aren't really something I usually find much interest in, but I like reading your stories, so you have my attention here with this. I liked it, for the most part. But I will say that while I really like your writing in this, some of how the story is told just wasn't very enjoyable in a way. I liked the scenes where actual character interaction took place - especially the one at the end where Grimbley speaks with the King. But the other stuff, where it's giving a little bit of back story and setting to all the events felt a little too slow, and perhaps at times dull. I felt distanced from the story. I'm hoping that this is simply because it is the first chapter. Either way, the story itself has an interesting enough start, and I'm curious to see where it all leads. I trust in your storytelling skills, so I'm expecting that this will turn out to be a really entertaining story. :)
At 12:11:51 PM on 8/6/2004, Teach said:
Thanks, Carna, for the positive feedback. Look for a little more insight into the characters within the next couple of chapters, and some new introductions as the action gets rolling along.
Stay tuned!
At 3:08:53 AM on 8/6/2004, Carna said:
Excellent grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Highly original and should be liked by any sci-fi fan. The descriptions of actions and surroundings are vivid. If I could choose the best sci-fi fic I've seen around here in the past couple months, this would be it. A must-read!
Only drawback, a lack of character development. Other than that, keep up the excellent work.
At 6:35:49 PM on 8/5/2004, Teach said:
Thanks :)
At 12:14:57 PM on 8/5/2004, Stealth Raptor2 said:
Good story:)
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