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Dark Hunter: Thanks for telling the truth about your thoughts of the story. The prologue was a rushed chapter as I was very busy at the time. I swear I will bring you a much better story and you will be pleased.
BTW, thanks for the comments!
At 11:57:14 AM on 7/6/2003, Seth Rex said:
:)could definitely be good.
At 6:59:08 AM on 7/6/2003, Dac said:
Hem hem...not bad. It has potential, oh yes...and it looks very ineteresting
At 3:22:05 AM on 7/6/2003, dark hunter said:
It's an interesting start but not as huge as i expected.
It has the flair of originality (sp?) but unfortunately is let down by the grammar and writing style.
Drifting in and out of script and novel format was the first thing that put me off a bit. The characters being written then followed by what they say is a bit off-putting when the rest of the story is novel form. Perhaps you should reconsider this.
The grammar was fairly bad, what got my attention most was "...lied there, dead..." which makes no sense what-so-ever. Unfortunately this also is a let down.
The story itself is intriguing, though the ending is a bit abrupt and happens way too fast for my liking.
The whole golden disk thing is a good touch and makes the story a lot more intriguing.
Overall it's a good intriguing start, though with grammar and formatting mistakes it's let down. Hopefully you'll fix these to create something that is very cool.
Rating: 6/10
~Dark Hunter
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