|
|
[ Log In ] [ Register ]
 means the user is online now!
Nice, nice. Better than the prologue. Still seems a bit rushed, but it's definitely improving. I like it. The only thing was, the arguments got a bit repetetive
At 3:18:40 AM on 7/9/2003, dark hunter said:
It was an interesting start. Though not hugely better than the last posting. Sure this is better than the last posting, but there were still problems.
It jumped in and out of different forms of narration. From "he sat" to "he laughs" it didn't work right.
I know that this was meant to introduce the characters but it didn't seem to really do anything else, there wasn't any huge character development, in fact the entire chapter seemed to lack in some areas.
However you did manage to capture the panic of Dino_Dude when Spinoboy11 had heat stroke. That was very nice.
But unfortunately not much good to be found in this chapter. Hopefully it's to pick up in the future.
Rating: 7/10
~Dark Hunter
Sorry, you must be logged in to post a comment
|
|
Add DJP3P to your newsreader!
|
