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I thought that the the first third of the scene - dialogue wise - was very good, it seemed believable and was well written, then the next third it was mediocre, falling down a bit, but the final third picked up the pace.
The description is very cool and it's a very nicely written piece.
Keep it up.
Rating: 7.5/10
At 12:34:18 AM on 5/17/2003, yvonne said:
The suspense was very good in this chapter, but I agree about some of the dialogue.
This one in particular:
"Jon I’m scared shitless!"
It just didn't seem appropriate for that character to say.
But the chapter still worked because it freaked me out. :)
At 11:02:48 PM on 4/24/2003, JPJunkee said:
The dialogue. . . needs work in this chapter. I honestly laughed at parts, where I wasn't supposed to. Dialogue aside, the action and events that took place in the chapter were very cool and actually kinda freaky.
-- JPJunkee
At 1:43:26 AM on 4/21/2003, Jurassiclaw said:
The dialogue is rather unsuble in the first half exposition part of the scene, but the thing flows nicely and would make a good movie opening.
7/10
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