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The characters are very good and I liked the fight sequence. Very good work!
At 8:11:16 PM on 12/19/2003, JPfan4life said:
Thanks Dark Hunter on your comments from the last 3 chapters!! I really appreciate it and it means a lot!
At 5:34:23 AM on 12/19/2003, dark hunter said:
A good chapter, loved the action, Grant got soooo close to his goal only to have it snatched away from him. Though wouldn't Chelsea have realised the door was broken when Grant smashed it open?
Good chapter.
~Dark Hunter
At 7:38:18 AM on 12/2/2003, MartinRandle said:
It's OK to have questions like this in a readers mind... especially if you give a clear cut explanation as to Why someone reacted as they did... that kind of "plot hole later filled in" is what makes some of the most interesting reading.
I would have crushed the Floppy disk and probably burned it if I could.
Now thinking like that... I am curious as to why Grant did something differently!!!
:-)
At 2:47:07 PM on 11/27/2003, JPfan4life said:
Ooooh, okay, I know what you mean now. The whole point of that, was basically to show that although Grant's family was at stake, he is still responsible for that formula, and knows what will happen when he gives it to Hatfield. (which has something to do with recreating the dinosaurs and causing them more harm) He also didn't want to give Hatfield the satisfaction of giving it up to him, and give him what he wanted. When Ellie's life was then threatened, he gave it up, to save her.
But thanks for clearing that up! I understand now. And thanks for pointing it out, which makes sense now. I basically just wanted a story line that was different, but I guess I didn't think of all the details thouroughly. I will think of these things more next time I write.
Thanks Yvonne! I'm glad I got you hooked! :) hehe. Yeah, the memories of the grocery store, I thought would develop Chelsea's character a little more. But thanks for reading and commenting! Thank you also Martin!
~JPfan4Life~
At 7:14:31 AM on 11/27/2003, MartinRandle said:
What I mean is...
Grant would give them the disk and ask for his daughter back.
If that's all they want why risk losing his family over a formula he didn't ask for in the first place.
If I gave you a vial of poison and said it needs to be kept cold so put it in your fridge. Would you put it there risking the contamination to yourself or your family. Or would you throuw it back at me and say stuff you, I don't want it. How much more so if someone came and held a gun to one of your families head until you gave them the poison... it would be like duhhh take it... in fact hey take the whole damn fridge!
At 11:54:35 PM on 11/26/2003, yvonne said:
Ooooo. You better write more soon! You've got me hooked now. :)
I liked the whole chapter, but I think my favorite part was Chelsea remembering when she got lost in the grocery store. Little details like this really do a lot for a character and it was cool to read about.
And I have to say that I loved how Alan punched Hatfield. That was great to read and just the thing that was expected, since Alan was so distraught. Good job! :)
At 9:09:08 PM on 11/26/2003, JPfan4life said:
Thanks a lot Crisco! :-)
At 9:09:07 PM on 11/26/2003, JPfan4life said:
Thanks a lot Crisco! :-)
At 6:51:32 PM on 11/26/2003, Crisco said:
I really like the character of Chelsea Grant. Im intrigued about how they'll get to the island or why they will go there...?? I really enjoyed your story and will be waiting
At 12:57:55 PM on 11/26/2003, JPfan4life said:
Thanks JP Junkee! your comments are most appreciated.
Martin... I know what you mean about the disk thing, but I mean, it got the point across didn't it? I appreciate you reading this and giving your comments, but I guess I just wasn't thinking about the "magnetic fields" that could mess up the disk... stupid me!!
Not to bag on you for giving your chriticism, because I appreciate it a lot! But I'm a little confused as to what you meant by "Alan wouldn't hold back for a second to protect Hammond".. why? why would he want to protect him? I'm just really confused by that statement.
But otherwise, thank you for the comments and for reading it, because I know you hate to read things in chapters.
Thanks!!
~JPfan4Life~
At 10:02:28 AM on 11/26/2003, MartinRandle said:
Good fight sequence. Nice characterisations - jsut one teensy weensy plot hole...
Grant was displeased at being given the formula in the first place, surely he wouldn't hold back for a second to protect Hammond - who had screwed him over numerous times, when his own family was at stake!
I'd have had given them the disk and even made them a back up copy in case the first one should accidentally get erased.
Talking of which! A floppy disk is no storage medium for anything permanent, especially as in this case it is the only copy of a multi=-million dollar formula! A floppy is easily wiped by fairly low level magnetic forces. A CD is far more durable.
At 11:32:33 PM on 11/25/2003, JPJunkee said:
Nice chapter! I was really hoping Alan and Ellie would save Chelsea, but those damn bad guys just have to spoil everything. Oh I hate that Hatfield guy, I hope a rex has him over for dinner, hehehaha! I liked the emotions and urgency of Alan as he tried to save Chelsea, and the fight was pretty cool, too. I look forward to more. :)
-- JPJunkee
At 9:19:59 PM on 11/25/2003, JPfan4life said:
Well it was supposed to be Hatfield, although I didn't think it mattered too much, because Alan and Ellie didn't know either. I'll fix that up though..
anyway, thanks for reading! I appreciate it!!
At 5:22:20 PM on 11/25/2003, Troodontid said:
Really good chapter but I'm kinda fuzzy who the guy that told them to meet him by the docks was. Otherwise great job!
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