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Decently written. As stated before, there were minor grammar/spelling errors, but they didn't take away from the story.
What did take away from it, though, was the somewhat dry feel some of the dialogue seemed to have.
I do agree with Martin, though. When you called it a secret formula, I started to picture Hammond in a white lab coat rubbing his hands together as some purple liquid foamed up in front of him... but as you said it'll all be scientifically explain in later chapters.
All in all it seems to be forming quite well. No promises that I'll get to the next installments anytime soon, but I will be sure to attempt to read them.
Bravo and keep up the good work.
At 5:08:55 AM on 12/19/2003, dark hunter said:
I enjoyed this a lot, it's nice to see a fic that doesn't start with explosions and dinosaurs, a welcome change.
It's a good idea too, kinda like an alternate reality...lol. I'm enjoying reading it very much, the characters are well written though i found you lapsed between was and is a bit, especially when describing Chelsea.
Keep it up
~Dark Hunter
At 2:12:15 PM on 11/26/2003, yvonne said:
Well, my two favorite characters seem to be the centerpiece of the story, so for that you get brownie points. hehe
And I'm already interested in what happens next, so more points to ya! :)
Chelsea is cool. I like how you've developed her character so far. And having a little tension near the end, with Harlow, was a good decision IMO.
I did want to mention that some of the dialogue felt a little off, though. There were also a fair share of grammar/spelling mistakes, so you might want to keep a closer eye on that in future postings.
Nice start though. I'll keep reading when I get the chance. :)
At 7:15:35 PM on 11/9/2003, Troodontid said:
Awesome start, just read it. post more.
At 12:01:26 AM on 10/29/2003, JPJunkee said:
Interesting start to what should prove to be an entertaining story. I like the whole thing where it's like Alan and Ellie have what the bad guys want, while the bad guys have their daughter -- should lead to some cool moments. I also like the fact that JP3 was ignored here. . .mainly because Alan and Ellie are together again! I'll be sure to read more once you post it. :)
-- JPJunkee
At 9:23:09 PM on 10/28/2003, JPfan4life said:
haha, yea i never got the urge to watch it.
but i know it seems childish and un-developed, but its a work in progress... In later chapters, it will be explained scientifically, and why alan has it and yada yada - all will be revealed sometime or another.. didnt wanna spill the beans to soon! :-0
-Jpfan :D
At 6:40:04 PM on 10/28/2003, MartinRandle said:
You've never seen scooby doo?
Like zoiks!!!
:0)
I meant a secret formula was sort of cartoonish.
At 7:25:45 PM on 10/27/2003, Mr.Camel said:
Very good and entertaining!
At 8:24:53 PM on 10/26/2003, JPfan4life said:
well, ive never seen scooby doo, so no rips off there - but most of your questions will be answered in more chapters
i realize now that calling lex and tim, kids, was dumb, i dont think i even realized i did that... ive written a few stories before, (mostly for my own pleasure) and referred to them as kids... sorry about that!
but thanks for the comment!
At 6:12:42 PM on 10/26/2003, MartinRandle said:
I really rather enjoyed that, nice to have an 18 year gap. Though referring to Lex and Tim as kids is misleading as she would be about 31. A minor point.
I see where you are going with this formula thing but I'd like some more scientific explanation for its existance and how would Hammond know that Alan had the technology or ability to keep it safe.
A secret formula smacks of Scooby Doo and lacks a certain logic. So now you may need to define the logic of a secret ormula nad why Hammond thought it was safer in Alans care than in a safe or bank vault or destroyed forever.
I look forward to reading the next part which may answer those very questions. Either way a damn good start and an entertaining read.
Martin
At 4:07:18 PM on 10/26/2003, JPfan4life said:
thanks a lot guys! :-) ill keep working at it
--JpFan4Life--
At 1:02:41 PM on 10/26/2003, SpinoMonkey said:
yup it's great! I found it vary interesting...
~SpinoMonkey~
At 6:42:31 PM on 10/25/2003, Crisco said:
Its interesting, I like the time gap between this and other fanfics. Defenitely keep this fanfic up.
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