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Thanks for the comments, drucifer and jmock5! They're greatly appreciated!
-- JPJunkee
At 2:31:16 AM on 2/14/2003, jmock5 said:
A-M-A-Z-I-N-G
I loved every bit of it. You picked some awesome characters so far. Can't wait to read more.
At 9:36:36 PM on 1/23/2003, Strider_Aragorn said:
No
worries
Dr J
:) Hey, youve got drucifer on oyur side, well done!
At 1:32:52 PM on 1/23/2003, drucifer67 said:
uncivilized civilization
That had to be my favorite single phrase in this entire segment...those two words, in the context of the passage, speak volumes about that character...
An easy read, well written. Looking forward to more...
At 12:10:08 AM on 1/23/2003, JPJunkee said:
Thanks
For
The
Comment, Strider.
-- JPJunkee
At 5:37:13 AM on 1/22/2003, Strider_Aragorn said:
Need
more
must
go
I like it. Allosaurus hey? I hope you have some full-sized ones later on ...
At 11:39:07 PM on 1/7/2003, JPJunkee said:
The reason that I changed Rossiter's first name, was because I honestly liked my name more. And the fact that Rossiter never apepared in any of the films (which is what my story follows) gave me the ability to change the name.
But I'm happy to see someone point that out.
Thanks for the comment, Vito.
-- JPJunkee
At 10:42:41 AM on 1/4/2003, Vito_The_White said:
Well, I have to say that you did just as good, or perhaps better on this part of the story then the intro and prologue. I like how you've made Grant's character. That was quite interesting how he is basically finally realizing that his life's work was all in vain.
The only things I didn't like was that Isla Nublar was bombed. That was my favorite island, and it's obvious that this is a movie sequel, so I was just hoping that something like that wouldn't be meantioned. Also, Rossiter's first name is supposed to be Jeff, but I'm sure you have a good reason for that being in there like that.
However, I really loved this part of the story, and I'm now going to have a look at part 2.
At 10:28:49 AM on 12/9/2002, JPJunkee said:
Thanks for the comment, Dino_Dude.
If the allosaurus innards description made you queezy, then I'm gonna enjoy your comments on future . . . . disgusting moments.
-- JPJunkee
At 10:13:41 AM on 12/9/2002, Dino_Dude said:
Well, this was a very good beginning to a story that I can see is going to get very interesting as it moves along. Your writing style is good, and as Yvonne said, it's easy to read, which makes for good, paced reading.
The descriptions were good, especially the Allosaurus, that was great! I also felt slightly queezy whilst reading that. :)
The development was also quite good, though I feel, as others have already stated, that Alan's main reasons for going should have been shown more clearly, though his thoughts while he was resting in the mansion, were very well done.
The dialogue between characters is, at most times, quite convincing. The only times I found it slightly rushed and iffy, was during the scene with the reporter and her camerman in Costa Rica. I just personally found that the scene happened a little too quickly.
On the whole, this story seems to be expanding quite nicely, and you can be sure I'll check out the rest, as the time comes. This is definetely one of the better JP stories that I have read in quite a while, and as a vote of confindence, it takes a lot to impress me in a JP-related story. ;)
Keep up the great work!
Cheers,
~ Dino_Dude ~
At 9:08:58 PM on 12/8/2002, JPJunkee said:
Thanks for the long and detailed comment, Host.
About the Rossitor and Dodgson scene: I also felt it could have been longer. And I even wrote more so that it would be longer. But. . . it didn't work well, and in the end I took it out and left it as the way you see it now.
And on another note, I've always had a problem with using unnecessary commas. It's something I'm working on.
And one last thing. . . . I'm glad the descriptions of the innards made you queezy. That's what I was striving for. hehe
Oh, and I wanted to say thanks to Jedi A. Malcolm for reviewing this. Thanks, dude!
-- JPJunkee
At 7:24:46 PM on 12/8/2002, The Host said:
To the contrary, I was pretty impressed by these chapters. Of course, every author can use a little improvement. So here's some constructive criticism.
THE GOOD
Great characterizations! I think this is one of the truest depictions of Hammond I've seen yet in a fanfic, and while her character is a little cliched, Leah Owens nonetheless came across as an interesting character. While, as has been mentioned, Grant's motivation for going to Costa Rica was a tad unclear, I think your examination of his character, and particularly in the way he's grown (or perhaps regressed?) since the previous JP films, was inventive and very well done. I also really liked Wu's character.
The dialogue, for the most part, was quite convincing.
Though not always particularly descriptive, this story (save, I feel, for the conversation between Dodgson and Rossitor, which deserved to be longer) was very well-paced.
On the whole, an intriguing set-up for what could be a great new story.
THE BAD
Again, some awkward word usage here and there. (Example: 'by going to Isla Sorna and Nublar, would give him a little fame' -- the word 'by' shouldn't be there, nor should the comma.) Some incorrect grammar here and there, particularly with respect to comma usage. (Example: 'The embryos he gave them, were those of a few of the dinosaurs that InGen had discovered' -- shouldn't be a comma in this sentence.)
I think, as mentioned above, that Dodgson's scene should have been expanded. As it stands, Rossitor was far too easily convicned.
Again, a bit more description could help.
THE UGLY
The description of the Allosaurus's innards was provocative. I felt nauseous. I think that's a compliment.
On the whole, a great job! I look forward to the next installment.
-The Host
At 3:00:09 PM on 12/8/2002, JPJunkee said:
Thanks, Yvonne for the comment!
I'd have to say, that I am more disappointed in these chapters than any others in the entire story. They just didn't come out the way I had hoped (or planned), and in the end I believe the finished result was really quite ugly.
I truly hope that these chapters don't discourage anyone to quit reading more. LoL
-- JPJunkee
At 2:36:44 AM on 12/6/2002, yvonne said:
I'm always happy when Grant ends up in a JP story, so there's a plus right there. lol.
I really like your writing style. It makes for a very easy read, I have to admit. :)
The reason for Grant going, is a little shakey, but I liked how you explained his broken spirits, making it an easier decision to go to Costa Rica.
Bring on more! Can't wait! :)
At 12:05:49 AM on 12/5/2002, JPJunkee said:
Thanks, Dark Hunter.
The part with getting Alan down to Cossta Rica was a hard thing to do for me. And I've been pestering over it for a long time. I'm still not satisfied with that. I wish that could have turned out better. . . but alas! I think it fell a bit short there. And I appreciate you pointing that out, thanks.
-- JPJunkee
At 9:39:44 PM on 12/4/2002, dark hunter said:
very cool, so far.
not too detailed, but detailed enough, it was very nicely done, especially the bit about describing the allosaurus.
alan seemed a bit iffy, because it says he'd never go to costa rica and by the end of this posting he's getting ready to go to costa rica, yet it doesn't explain why... just some small points you may want to know
but all up, you've got good characters, a good story line and a fantastci way of writing.
Rating: 71/2 /10
~Dark Hunter
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