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More character development is good, but I'm kind of wishing something would happen, plotwise, now.
All I see is a bunch of quick advertisements for stores and products. It takes me away from the story.
Oh, and Seth ... if you're going to have someone help you with the story, you might want to try formatting everything the same. You always leave an extra space after the beginning quotation mark (for reasons I've yet to figure out) and PunkNerd doesn't. It looks like it was just thrown together, so you may want to think about that for the next posting. Both parts were nicely written, but they definitely stand out as written by different people, they don't mesh.
Overall, pretty good, although I found the rape scene somewhat crude, but it could have been worse and I'm thankful that it wasn't. I don't really want to read an X-Men story with detailed sexual references. I'll read a Danielle Steel romance novel for that sort of thing. :)
At 8:23:28 PM on 3/28/2003, CeratosPit said:
Better than the last :)
At 12:32:05 AM on 3/28/2003, JPJunkee said:
Once again, very cool. The original characters all have their own unique quality, which is very cool, indeed. The details and such were also very good. I liked the way Ashley's little story was written, it was very dark and very smart. The scene was something rather crude, what with it basically being a teenager being raped, but you were able to tone down the unnecessary details, and made it an enjoyable read (and ya made me happy when Keith got blasted). . . I hope that made sense. I'm really enjoying this story, and I look forward to more.
-- JPJunkee
At 12:03:02 AM on 3/28/2003, PunkNerd said:
very nice dude
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