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I think it's a very good start. Nicely written. It's like a breath of fresh air to read something that seems to have intelligence behind it, so thanks for that. :)
I really don't have a clue where this is going, but I'm off to read the next part right now.
Oh, and if I could give a little advice. Sometimes, you have the habit of using the same word (or a different form of the same word) too close together.
ie.
"The light house was ghostlike standing tall, like a giant watchman waiting for the storm to hit."
(maybe change "like a giant watchman waiting" to "as if a giant watchman was waiting")
"And with all the might of a thousand gods a wave broke on the breakwater."
(maybe change "broke" to "crashed").
Just a few suggestions that I've read about in books and magazines. :)
Anywho, nice job so far!
At 4:23:30 PM on 4/27/2004, Darth Chicken said:
Thanks JPfan4life!
At 10:18:30 PM on 4/26/2004, JPfan4life said:
all I can say is, I'm intrigued and will be waiting for the next chapter!
I thought it was very well written, so keep up the good work! :)
At 11:18:08 AM on 4/24/2004, Darth Chicken said:
Thank you for the comment JPJunkee! And I think you're going to be surprised where this story is going...
-DC
At 7:43:53 PM on 4/21/2004, JPJunkee said:
Maine. . . . What is it about this state that so many writers feel compelled to turn it into a place of horror or mystery? Hmm.
Good stuff, DC. Kind of a different opening to a story. Usually prologues will try and grab the reader with something like action, some intriguing question of 'what if', or lots of blood (or at least more than one line of dialogue!). Not saying this is a bad opening, no, I enjoyed reading this, it was just a different way to start a story. I do hope though that in the next chapter (or some following it) more time will be spent developing Isaiah's character, and not just the town he lives in. Though really not much happened here, I am left intrigued, and I want to know where this is all going, to see what happens next. The writing's pretty good, but has some odd sentence structure here and there (sometimes two separate sentences should have been one, and one should have been two, that sort of stuff). Nothing really very distracting, but it does take away from what otherwise would have been a very nice narrative flow. . . . . . But anyway, I liked it, keep it up! Wow long comment for a short bit of writing. I look forward to more and make the next chapter longer!
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