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Thanks, your comment is appreciated.
At 4:31:33 PM on 6/2/2004, Spinoboy11 said:
I see another great fic brought to us by you with this new project of yours.
Your plot is pretty cool and unique, and I'm pretty interested on seeing how it emerges later on in the story.
The continuation of Grant's hardship of life due to the first incident is a plus. Lex's introduction was well done, and Malcolm's dialogue was...well...Malcolm. Also, I liked the way you set up Hammond's murder. Very good stuff there.
There were some errors here and there, but I know you will fix them.
Good job, man!
8/10
-Spinoboy11
At 12:33:04 AM on 6/2/2004, Carnotaur3 said:
That was from icebreaker and I thank him and everyone else for their honest comments
At 12:32:38 AM on 6/2/2004, Carnotaur3 said:
Opening to the story is informative and quick to the
point, for most readers that is a huge positive, but
for people like me...well...I wish there was even MORE
detail. But you know your audience, because I am the
exception to the rule, so its better that you please
the other 90% that can't handle the boring details.
As for the rest of the first chapter, very quick
paced. I loved the introductions of both of the main
characters and it was sad to see ol' Hammond in the
condition he was in. My only problem with the story so
far is the sketchy writing. You jump from past tense,
to present tense and in and out of first person
narative to limited, in a couple paragraphs which was
a bit out of the norm for you. So maybe it was just
this first chapter, you know? Rough edges and all...
So for now, I am going to give this opening chapter a
7/10 but only because of the below par writing, but I
am sure that you will definetly improve that, and the
story seems like it is going to have a fast pace, so
that should easily bump future chapters into the 8
range...
Good writing so far. I expected a bit better though...
7/10 [C+]
~ICeBReaKeR
At 8:46:36 PM on 6/1/2004, Crisco said:
i havent read a good JP fanfic in a while, this one is very promising, I like how you write Malcolm's dialogue, it correctly portrays his way of speaking
At 2:57:06 PM on 6/1/2004, Amber said:
alright, we laready talked about the intro, but other thna that, very intriuging, I'll be certain to keep reading... and killing off hammond so soon, you devil, cunning move there chase...
let's see where this goes...
good job so far, and the writing is really well done after the intro... I think you do a good job capturing Ian and Lex...
At 11:09:34 PM on 5/31/2004, Rick Arnold said:
I like the beginning here, you get the feeling that Grant's life is a living hell thanks to Jurassic Park.
The references to a 'cotton land' and Goldblum's patented 'Uh' are some great extras.
Keep it going, I'll make sure to read the next chapters.
At 1:47:39 PM on 5/31/2004, Carnotaur3 said:
Thanks for the comments, guys.
At 11:15:24 AM on 5/31/2004, Ambrose said:
You have something going. I really like the new spin on the whole JP idea. Keep it up. Once action starts picking up The story will kik off. I can't wair for more. Good luck.
At 10:47:29 PM on 5/30/2004, TyrannoRex112 said:
Hmm, hasn't this plot been used in some of JP Junkee's fics? But it's still an intriguing concept. I'm looking forward to more, C3.
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