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Not much more I can add to this discussion. It opened reasonably well, but the scenes all seemed a little too rushed, hell-bent on exposition. The dialogue was, indeed, pretty bad: the characters all sounded like twelve-year-olds. I was also disappointed by the lack of description, even for a screenplay. But it does seem to have, so far, an intriguing premise.
6.5/10
-Host
At 8:10:41 AM on 4/15/2003, Carnotaur3 said:
Ok, prepared to be wowed with the next then.
At 11:27:11 PM on 4/14/2003, JPJunkee said:
Okay, it's time for the honest Junkee, to tell his honest opinion.
It's always hard for me to judge a story by the first chapter. But, that first chapter is so crucial to grabbing a readers attention. . . . nothing grabbed me, with this story. The dialogue was actually pretty bad. The characters were poorly portrayed, in my opinion.
The one thing that really stands out that I liked about this though, was the fact that Grant and Malcolm are both involved, in rather original ways.
But, to be honest, nothing wowed me here. However! Like I said above, it's always hard to judge a story by the first chapter. So, I will be reading more. . . whether it be for the reason of hoping this will turn into a good story, or for the reason that I think it has potential.
Overall grade: C+
-- JPJunkee
At 4:44:35 PM on 4/14/2003, jango raptor said:
Very promising! Looking forward to part 2!
At 6:24:56 PM on 4/13/2003, Crisco said:
awesome poster!
At 6:24:12 PM on 4/13/2003, Crisco said:
At 12:06:32 PM on 4/13/2003, Carnotaur3 said:
Thanks for all your comments guys. For those who don't know, GRANT and MALCOLM aren't the main characters but they are like what William H. Macy and Tea Leoni was in JP3. They have a good part in the story but they aren't the main characters. Colonel Jamesson is one of the main.
At 11:23:00 AM on 4/13/2003, AlanGrant5 said:
So far, Part One of your story is promising. I was beginning to dread reading the first scene as it took place in Costa Rica and reminded me slightly of how you had started "Dawn of Extinction", but having the soldiers come in was a pleasant if not relieving surprise.
It's always hard trying to come up with a logical way of placing prehistoric beasts on Costa Rica, but I think you've come up with the best way possible considering the whole "dinos in Costa Rica" thing has been done on more than one occasion. The helicopters hovering above a small village at night, although not a real significant scene, was well written and imagined, as well as those short glimpses of the mysterious dino tails that seem to be scattered about in the first half of Part One.
Like DarkHunter, I too had trouble seeing the characters say what they did. Adaptations of the familiar JP characters needs a little work and the handful of spelling errors tossed about the script. For the most part, each scene is well written and fits nicely in the progression of the following scene. I'm not entirely sure where the story is headed, but it certainly has the potential to head towards the right direction. Part One was a good read, fast-paced, and intriguing, but at the same time the plot feels reheated. Keep it fresh, focus attention onto a new character perhaps, so we can get to know and like him or her better than prehistoric characters such as Malcolm and Grant.
GRADE (PART ONE): B–
At 9:58:12 AM on 4/13/2003, Crisco said:
yea i give it an 8 out of ten.....i usually stay away from fanfics with too many returning characters, but your's was intriging and i read it till the end, im looking forward to your next post!
At 9:06:25 AM on 4/13/2003, dark hunter said:
It's quite good, though there are some neccesities (sp?) that i have to point out.
The spelling at times was appauling (i can't say much for myself), you really need to read over your story a few times to make sure it all makes sense.
The dialogue was good, and made some valid points
(Hammond: i had to get it off my chest
Malcolm: yeah but now it's on mine)
but in my humble opinion the essence of the character wasn't really captured, this may not be a major problem, but as Jurassic Park fans we want to see the characters as we remember them.
Some scenes were too brief (as in the soldier scene near the end, it was just lacking).
Now with the nasties out of the way, we can turn to the good things :)
The opening scene was excellent, it had me on the edge of my seat, especially when "something large" hit the door. Very well written
I could see the tail at the window and the tail entering the bedroom. It was extremely well written.
It seems as if this story has a good reason to bring all the characters back. Malcolm with Hammond and Grant with the soldiers. This is a good thing as Grant cannot always be bought with money, we assume at this stage.
All up, it's a good fic, though is lacking in certain points.
Rating: 6/10
Will read the next part when it is posted. Sorry if you think i was harsh.
~Dark Hunter
At 2:06:55 AM on 4/13/2003, Carnotaur3 said:
WE RULE
::Smacks Aragorn's hand::
At 2:06:30 AM on 4/13/2003, Carnotaur3 said:
Hehe Thanks
At 1:57:24 AM on 4/13/2003, Aragorn said:
I loved the last little bit there that I had yet to read! Its always a nice little surpise to re-read what we wrote, then find more there! Good job!
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