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A lot more grammatical errors in this one, but im not going to focus on them.
You obviously enjoyed writing the action scenes as they were fast and flowed well. I thought they were well done, especially the Deludion/Batman scene with the snakes instead of wires. That was excellent.
This fic is finally grasping some of the darkness that the movies had.
Unfortunately your characterisation seems to have fallen short a little as there was none in this chapter.
Other then that there were some good parts, and there were some dodgy parts. I still like the fic though.
Rating: 7/10
~Dark Hunter
At 2:45:39 PM on 7/8/2003, JPJunkee said:
Okay, now, I did not like this chapter. The action was jerky, but it worked, for the most part. But, I don't think I liked a single line of dialogue, aside from the last part with Spacey and Gordon. I mean, Batman saying "Because of you geeks" and the Cronie saying " Ok, this is what I heard. I heard there were bats going across downtown today. Blood sucking big bats. People would find them like, in their vents and shit…" . . . . and then Deludion's dialogue. . . I can't discern a good piece of dialogue from him in this chapter.
--JPJunkee
At 2:22:50 PM on 7/7/2003, Carnotaur3 said:
Thanks for the comments
At 1:44:43 AM on 7/6/2003, AlanGrant5 said:
The story is progressing nicely. Even so, there were some spelling errors and odd word choices in a few lines of dialogue. The fact that you have Bruce Wayne tell Alfred "the other car" numerous times is quite relevant seeing how he's been out of the "business" for quite some time, but still, the situation was dealt with in the same manner as "Batman Forever". I had trouble envisioning Batman saying "geek" and the dialogue exchanged between Deludion and Batman seemed a little rushed.
With that said, it was still an enjoyable read and I look forward to reading more.
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