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Should be keeps sprinting
(towards the end of the fic)
Should be Why does anybody...
(instead of do..Deludion's speech to Wayne)
besides a couple of minor grammatical errors, the fic was good and very enjoyable. I liked the characterisation of Bruce, as unlike the movies he seemed human.
The action was also good. Not over the top, but not too little. Though i thought that Deludion decided to go to the bank a little to early, maybe he should have tested all his range of powersor something. I dunno, it seemed a lttle off.
Good none-the-less.
Rating: 7.5/10
~Dark Hunter
At 9:31:05 PM on 6/23/2003, Amber said:
Cool.... great stuff.... I liked how you portray the characters.. well done....
Can't wait to see some good action...
LOL... muffins..... hehe
At 2:32:39 AM on 6/14/2003, JPJunkee said:
Overall, I liked it. It was entertaining. Though, if I could say, the dining room scene, and the den room were just rather poorly done. That, and some of the Doctor’s dialogue was a bit too fake sounding, in my opinion. Plus, the end of the chapter just really seems like the one scene in the Spider-Man film where Goblin says, “We’re not so different, you and I.” . . . I’m now beginning to worry that Deludion will try to get Bruce to join him. Hmm. . . That brings me to another thing. . . The Deludion name is a bit iffy. I mean, it’s not bad. But, like PN said, it’s kinda dorky.
But, really, I liked it. It had problems, but it was fun to read. And at this point, I think it can probably only get better. . . So, I’m looking forward to reading more.
-- JPJunkee
At 10:17:25 AM on 6/13/2003, Bukowski said:
not bad, some awkward dialogue. and his name is deludion thats... i dont know just dorky, but again it's certainly not horrible i give it a B-
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