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that was like the other chapter very intriguing.
~Dark Hunter
At 12:49:15 AM on 6/7/2002, yvonne said:
What a delightful and wicked little piece of evil. I liked it.
More! More! :)
At 3:31:49 PM on 6/3/2002, RaptorHiss said:
Cool, excellent dialouge, but could use just a little bit more on the descriptions...
For your first ever fan fic, I'd rate it a 3/5:)
At 1:36:42 PM on 6/3/2002, Seth Rex said:
a good chapter
At 11:01:26 PM on 6/2/2002, tobycompy2.0 said:
<font color=Brick red>That was cool, I liked it. It took my interest. But the thing is, you seem to find out things a little too easily, like suddenly the mysterious man turns into Jared. He doesn't say "I'm Jared." It just suddenly says: Said Jared after saying: Said the man.
Overall this was an entertaining chapter. I am starting to get attached to the characters. I just think you need to focus more on your writing a little bit. Make sure to space in between your paragraphs too! I look forward to more!
<font color=Brick red>
-What you just witnessed was the bite of the compy. Goodnight.</font>
<font color=Gold>The Future is Guns on July 4... The Timeline of the Gun</font>
<font color=Green>ToByCoMpY FaN FiCs</font></font>
At 10:51:59 PM on 6/2/2002, JohnArnold said:
Hey, that was an excellent 1st chapter. Please write some more.
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