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Well... I think that I don't really know what I think... The first chapter to the story was just perfect... the second part continued to be good, and then the third part was ok because Tim was a part of it, but yes the dialogue in this chapter was forced... A bit too forced... They just didn't seem like real people. They seemed as if they were conveying some kind of stuff that they didn't even understand as to what they were talking about... There just seems to be no suspense to this anymore... I'll continue to read hoping that it gets better...
At 5:26:58 PM on 5/20/2003, JPJunkee said:
Okay. . . your explanation of why the two guys were talking like that was well and good, and I'll accept it. As for the grammar and stuff; I reread the chapter, to try and find it all again. Okay, maybe there's not as many errors as I first kind of hinted at, but there are some, and they are somewhat distracting. Sometimes commas, quotation marks, and other punctuation marks appear where they're not supposed to (example: look at the very last line of the chapter). The spelling is words that have multiple spellings, for example; 'too' and 'to', 'their' or 'there', and so on and so forth. Now, please don't take my words too harshly. I only mean to encourage you. Your writing is good. You have a style all your own. But, when I see simple little problems, in good work, they tend to stand out more, and so I point them out, because I think you have talent, or the ability to do better.
I will be continuing with the story soon. Don't worry about that.
-- JPJunkee
At 5:11:52 PM on 5/20/2003, Amber said:
Well, I don't see the bad grammer, I would love to see where it all is. The conversation seemed forced? Of course it does... You don't understand there situation yet. It's very tense and there is a loss of the sense of reality. It gets better soon, just read.
At 10:02:38 PM on 5/19/2003, JPJunkee said:
There was quit a lot of bad grammar and spelling errors. And the way the two men spoke about the other people felt forced and didn't have much sense of reality. Still, it's interesting enough for me to continue reading.
-- JPJunkee
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