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Pretty good, I just felt that it was missing something. What it was, I'm not quite sure. If I can think of it, I'll post it here later. I'll be watching for the next chapter.
-- JPJunkee
At 12:00:00 AM on 8/21/2002, yvonne said:
First of all, the great and in-depth comments you've received so far are a very pleasant surprise.
Okay, on to my comments. :)
I was very happy with the first chapter. I've read enough of your work to know that you always capture the reader's attention, and then get heavily into other aspects, such as character development and plot, a chapter or so later. For me, I already like Dana, because she seems tenacious and able to get out of bad situations on her own.
I enjoy reading what you write and I'm looking forward to chapter 2 :)
At 12:00:00 AM on 8/20/2002, AlanGrant5 said:
<font color=Silver>Thanks for the comments. I really appreciate those who pointed out its flaws and didn't just say "good work". With your comments it helps me out with various aspects I'm weak on, from the readers point of view. As far as Dana's character is concerned, more development will be added when we see her next. And Carno3 is right about the whole "Costa Rica" thing. :)</font>
At 12:00:00 AM on 8/20/2002, ToNy tHe T-ReX said:
I like it... I like the descriptions, it is a tad low on character development. I think that it might need a little, well a "something" to boost up the character moral. Give us a detailed description of Dana's personal life--I myself am writting a Novel called "EXTINCTION" and it has a similiar "abberrant form" type thing going on. I think the depth of the story will be willingly increased with a little more of a expansion on the personalities here. If the character will die, you can also "trick", or fool the audience into thinking that she will survive by the in-depth character analysis that you give. It also could've been a little longer--longer is always better. But I'm not knocking it--it's a good story. Good job.
At 12:00:00 AM on 8/20/2002, The Host said:
Wow. My criticisms first, because they're most valuable: I think the story could have done with a bit more build-up and character development, if only a few paragraphs, before the jeep arrived. And after seeing Monty Python and the Holy Grail I can't help but crack up at the words 'dancing shrubbery.' That said, this was extremely well-written, tense, and surprisingly eloquent. You are a locquacious fellow, my friend. Great story; I eagerly anticipate the next installment.
-The Host
[You shall go into the forest and cut down the mightiest tree with . . . A HERRING!]
[Now go read 'Triumvirate.']
[Ni!]
At 12:00:00 AM on 8/20/2002, Carnotaur3 said:
Well, Punk, I guess they only knew why the Rex was there before. But dinos (more than 1) being on the mainland can be frightenin, especially if they are hiding out.
At 12:00:00 AM on 8/20/2002, PunkNerd said:
My god, seriously AG5, you have to be my favorite author here.. i love your work, and oyur the best writer here... one question though.. doesnt anyone remeber the rex in san diego? why is the world so baffled by dinos in Costa Rica?
At 12:00:00 AM on 8/19/2002, AlanGrant5 said:
LoL, what dialogue? :P
At 12:00:00 AM on 8/19/2002, Carnotaur3 said:
I'm not particulairly fond of the diologue, but as always, you've done really good on descriptions.
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